» Going Too Far

Sorry cows
About 3years ago, I was visiting my cousins who live in a rural area. I’d been looking for something to get them, as was our custom. My gift found the form of a water bomb catapult. I had a glance at the description, saying it needs 3 people to fire (perfect, there were 4 of us, but one was on crutches after knee surgery) very powerful and for over 18s only. I pay my £20 and a few days later it arrives.

I should have known from the sheet of warnings/legal disclaimers that I had something I shouldn’t. I should have known to follow the advice, maybe it said don’t fire at people animals or property for a reason. But being 17 and with equally immature boys of the same age we proceeded to get a few practice shots in before we take to finding targets.

But what to shoot? Why I saw a herd of cows and thought “I see no moral problem with shooting cows.” Now, we may be immature but we weren’t daft. Realising the farmer may have objections to use firing on his cows, we came back just after midnight and crept into the darkened field. We moved silently like marines on a recon mission, catapult over my shoulder, to my side was one of my cousins with a bucket of water bombs and water to cushion their journey. A few feet ahead was my eldest cousin, finding our rout.

At this point I feel compelled to mention that the catapult could throw a water bomb the size of a large orange for well over 200 meters, or if fired vertically, could send it aloft for 5-7 seconds.

We found our targets and got into position, taking it in turns to fire on the cows. How we laughed as the water bombs thudded on their sides, how we shrieked with glee at head shots. How we laughed when the calf caught one in the side. We hit 10 cows all in all, from close range, before deciding enough was enough and returning home to tell tales of our adventures to our fathers. The sad part is that’s the proudest my Dad has ever looked of me.

The next day while sitting around a table talking of the previous nights adventure my uncle returned from his walk looking troubled.

“The cows have been moved from that field boys.”

Nine words that made my balls go back in a little way.

Being men of science, we deduced that some mark must have been left, and decided to set about testing the catapults strength. Using a piece of chip board as a shield, my cousin agreed to test the strength of a water bomb fired from a similar distance to we were to the cows, pulled back the same amount and of course, the water bomb was the same sort of size.

“FIRE!”

It took a second to realise what had happened, why was Nick clutching his ribs and shouting? Why wasn’t the chip board wet? Then we noticed the hole. We had blown a hole into a piece of chip board, to thick to stamp in half with a water bomb. It had carried on with enough force to bruise my cousin’s ribs.
That force had hit cows in the side, arse and face. Even a little calf had been hit in the attack.

I still laugh about it to this day, but I also feel slight shame, the type I’d imagine you’d feel after beating some one up who didn’t really deserve it.

That’s when I went too far.
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 16:13, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

My house
Ah, I do like telling this story, though I do have to be careful who I tell it to, some people just say I’m mad/ mistaken.

The story takes place in my parents house, though I moved to halls in uni, I do still live there. Now, the house isn’t very old, I’d guess about 11-12 years now, so not your typical haunting affair. However, the house was built on the site of a school for kids with TB during the Victorian era.

My first experience must have been about 9 years ago, I was around 10 at the time, maybe younger. I was in bed one night, fast asleep. I woke up suddenly, I wasn’t woken by noise, but as I opened my eyes and struggled to see with out my glasses (moved to contacts a few years ago yay!) I saw a purple shape hanging over me, the closest thing I can compare it to is like the t-1000 in Terminator 2 when its all shiny and molten metal, mixed with a cloud. I screamed and watched it shoot out of my door, which was open at the time, despite the fact I can’t stand to be in a room alone with the door open (don’t know why) let alone sleep in one. The shape disappeared into the hall and I saw my dad burst out of his room and run into mine, there wasn’t a break in it, I can’t have woken up half way through a dream, it all happened at the same time. After much reassurance I was just dreaming and there was nothing to be afraid of I went back to sleep and nothing really happened for a few years. I just kinda forgot about it.

Then, about 6 years later I was tidying up after a few of my friends had made a real mess in my house and all gone home, it was at least 10 mins after the last had been picked and driven home by their parents, while I was tidying up in the hall way when suddenly I hear a voice from the landing, I clearly heard my name be called by a little girl, I was a little surprised and didn’t hear what was said after. I wasn’t to bothered by this, I went upstairs expecting that a TV or radio had been left on, but none of them were on, there was nobody in the streets around the house, totally silent. I was freaked out at this point. For a few weeks after things were odd, rooms got suddenly cold, even though the heating was on. At one point I was less then five meters from the electric fire, which was on full, and very hot, yet my skin was like ice. I got the feeling of some one watching me all the time, but I’d put that down to paranoia more then anything.

I remember feeling very, very depressed for no reason on November 11th, the anniversary of the end of world war I, which was very peculiar, I’d never been depressed before that but I was totally suicidal.

In the grand and rather bizarre climax of events, I was again in bed, just like the beginning I was drifting off to sleep, my vision suddenly fades and all I can see is cloudy white, with thin bluish lies appearing and eventually forming the outline of a little girl in Victorian dress, imagine a picture that hadn’t been coloured and your getting close to what I saw. The girl was motionless, then suddenly jumps towards me and shouts “boo” like a kid trying to give me a fright, I wasn’t afraid, I thought I was dreaming, but when the girl hit me, I felt a massive jolt in my back, like id been pulled from the inside. This shocked me and I could see normally again. I went to touch my back were I felt the jolt, and found my skin ice cold, but just in that patch, the rest of my skin was normal temperature, as warm as you’d expect for some one in bed. Now, I wasn’t afraid, but I was aware of fear, like I could tell some one in the room was frightened. Feeling like a spaz, I tried to talk to the girl, I was cringing at my self as a said thing like “don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you” and then the classic “if your hear give me a sign” I was just about to role over in shame and try to sleep when I felt another jolt, this time in my lower right leg, I went to touch is, again, as cold as ice. I didn’t get the feeling of fear any more, I could just feel loneliness, but not my own. I decided to talk again, for some reason I just knew what to say “Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you, I’d like to be friends.” That moment I felt totally relief, happiness and joy all in one, like a wake washing over me, then nothing, total calm. I fell asleep soon after and never experienced anything like that again.

I don’t claim to be a sceptic, but I do usually approach things from a logical view, I don’t just believe random crap because it was on TV, but I’m convinced this was real, I think its something you have to experience before you can really understand, I’ve looked for logical explanations but I just can’t see any. This story is 100% true to my experience, I don’t believe any of it was due to dreams or my imagination.

People are entitled to their own opinions on the subject of ghosts, but don’t claim they don’t exist, you may not believe in them but until you can offer proof they don’t exist, you really shouldn’t make the claims.

PS, I know my story isn’t technically about screwing around with “the dark side, but I recon it’s worth mentioning.
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 17:09, More)

» Tramps

Human waste
At a similar time to my first story, I was combining fighting a hangover and getting my mother a birthday card with a trip to the same Tesco in Huddersfield.

My still foggy brain led to me taking a slightly different route, and hence I noticed something in the street. “A pile of rags.” My brain told me. People walked by and seemed oddly unaware of it. Looking any were but at it.

As I got in close I realised it was a man, and by his look, a very homeless man. He was out cold, broad daylight, middle of a fairly busy street and nobody paid any attention.

I asked if he was ok, no response. I asked louder, again, nothing. I could see he was still breathing, So I looked to see if I could see any injury, or any sign of what was wrong. I found the culprit, a bottle of “white lightning” (strong, cheap cider to our more cultured readers). Seemed the old fellow had drunk himself to pieces. A group of girls came over to see what was wrong. They quickly decided it wasn’t too important, and not worth touching his “piss soaked rags” over. They quickly left, but a woman, appearing to be around 30 appeared. She asked me if I knew what had happened, I said that it looked like he’d been drinking and had passed out. Another man walked over, he appeared 30-35, and we decided between us it would be best to phone an ambulance. The man asked if we would be ok dealing with it, he had a place to be.

As soon as he was off, the tramp began to stir, got to his feet looked around, clearly still blitzed, I tried to talk to him, but he didn’t seem to notice, then he feel down on his back pretty hard. The woman phoned for an ambulance, and I waited with her. We didn’t really say much, I didn’t want to leave her alone with the guy, and I also didn’t want to just walk away from him. The ambulance turned up and the guys recognised him, said he was a regular, and would be better off with the police. They summon up a few police man and are off. We waited for the police to bundle him off, I felt a bit guilty but realised he’d get a fairly comfortable cell, probably a bit of decent food and some clean water, so it was probably a favour to him.

As we went our separate way, the woman and me said goodbye and there was a moment when we looked at each other and seemed to share a thought. “Why did so few people stop?”

Remember while your laughing at stories of drunken, crass, smelly and strange men, they are people too, and the majority of tramps suffer from mental problems and a huge number are ex service men unable to readjust to civilian life. I’m not trying to be preachy or tell you off, just don’t forget that there are people underneath the rags, people just like you or me.
(Fri 3rd Jul 2009, 1:54, More)

» Too much information

Near miss.,
Well, my father has never been prudish, and doesn’t understand that some people don't like to see his 54 year old knackers first thing in the morning, so I might be able to excuse him for this horror.

Helping him take an old mattress to the tip. He'd taken the usual rout of ramming it in the car til it fit, which proved almost fatal. As I walk round the car to his side to help remove said matters, the dear father decides it's time to open the door. Now, mattresses are full of springs, and springs, and these had been compressed by the door, which when opened, was flung open with huge force, sailing past my fathers hand, swinging, corner first at my knackers. I still remember the panic of the inevitable pain, yet miraculously the door stopped less then an inch from my 16 year old ball bag leaving me white as a sheet and shaken.
"Christ on a bike Dad!" I yelled. "That would have been ironic, neutered by the very mattress you were conceived on!" Was his response. I had to carry a mattress my parents had done it on. :(
(Thu 6th Sep 2007, 15:25, More)

» Crazy Relatives

Good advice
Granddad to me, aged 17;

"Never trust short people or cripples."
(Fri 6th Jul 2007, 0:43, More)