Thatcher

(Thu 13th Oct 2005, 8:46, More)

couldn`t sleep


clicky big
(Wed 20th Apr 2005, 1:09, More)

(Fri 27th Aug 2004, 21:07, More)

(Sun 8th Feb 2004, 16:22, More)

(Thu 4th Sep 2003, 21:21, More)

Good competition this week...
"Dogs with Frightening Noses"


(Sat 15th Feb 2003, 11:52, More)

Geoff The Clownfish
Got a bit miffed when he couldn`t find his face paint

(Sun 15th Sep 2002, 15:57, More)

The other day
My mate bought a Swiss Cheese Army Knife. Had to take it back to the shop.



Apparently a load of them had to be recalled because the 'axe' didn`t work as advertised.
(Sat 7th Sep 2002, 21:50, More)

These
Takeover rumours are getting a bit far-fetched...

(Fri 23rd Aug 2002, 22:47, More)

Guinness Paltrow?

Somehow it looked better in my mind. Sorry I couldn`t join you alchos in Edam-borg - maybe see you at the next London do.
(Fri 16th Aug 2002, 23:05, More)

» Petty Sabotage

ex-girlfriend`s mum was a right cow who liked drinking diet coke all the time
so we got a bottle of liquid laxative, and waited `til the 2L bottle was 3/4 full....

"this Coke tastes a bit sweet" she said

..we chuckled
(Wed 4th May 2005, 11:19, More)

» Little things that turn you on

The cat, with its hair gelled up a little, and some red lipstick

(Fri 18th Feb 2005, 9:28, More)

» Jobsworths

not funny, but what the hell
moved to London in 2001, and signed on ("job seeker`s allowance.. for people seeking jobs") whilst I looked for a job

1. the job centre was pissed off that being an I.T. Profeshinaul I wouldn`t take a £3.50 per hour job as a trainee chef

2. they said I could claim jobseeker`s allowance (for people seeking jobs) after filling in their huge wad of paperwork, only for them to tell me I needed another interview

3. turned up for interview.. asked same questions again and again ("no, I can get a job, I just want some money to pay the bills for a few weeks until I find one") and given more paperwork

4. turned up to sign on.. 20 minutes early - place was empty, and yet the stupid bitch at the desk saw fit to tell me off for being early "don`t do it again" - must have caught her off her guard or something

5. told by the employment cunts that I couldn`t claim jobseeker`s allowance, only to receive 4 letters over the next 3 weeks telling me that the jobseeker`s allowance would be stopped if I didn`t sign on - they managed to mis-spell "Richard" on each letter

anyway.. I wrote back to them calling them stupid cunts, asking them if "Richard" was a difficult name to spell and enquiring how they expected not to pay me something they weren`t paying me, and telling them that their future communications were going straight in the bin, signing off with letters after my name (proper ones, not F.U.C.K. C.O.C.K.)


I was very proud of that letter.. but not this post. Maybe I`ll just post the letter ;)
(Thu 12th May 2005, 11:08, More)

» I just don't get it

why women pay a hundred fucking quid for a haircut, and 25 quid to get their friggin` nails done

ARE THEY STU-UPID?
(Thu 31st Mar 2005, 13:07, More)

» Best Comebacks

Oh yeah, and in my last job
My mate Sonny was always calling me a fat bastard, until one day I said:

"Do you know why I`m so fat?"
"No, why?"
"Every time I fucked your mother she gave me a biscuit"

I still like that one.
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 14:49, More)