» Heckles

George Carlin!
So i went to see George Carlin perform in my home town awhile back. He was GREEEAAAAT! In the middle of the show he got to a joke that took a bit of explaining and told the audience not to yell or laugh till the end cause he needed to concentrate. Of course in the middle of the joke some assclown yells "wooooooooo" completely killed the joke and didnt get that many laughs. So George quickly snaps back after his joke "Hey security we have a major asshole in the front row and if he doesnt shut the fuck up i'll need you to hold him down while i shove my cock in his mouth!" The whole audience laughed so hard and that guy left the building that moment in shame!
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 8:43, More)

» I met a weirdo on the interweb

Whale of a time!
Ok so this is my horroible wierdo story of the interweb persuasion.

So i joined this shit picture rating site for shits and giggles just to see what people thought. A few weeks pass and i get a message from an extremely attractive "mexican" lady. Since i'm not an extreme manliness sex god. I was taken aback thinking it was spam. To my surprise i found out she wasnt. So we talked for a good awhile which led to some phone conversations. She started talking about marriage and kids in general, but not particulary with me. I was kinda freaked, but hey she was fackin hot so who i was i to pass a girl like this up. As time goes on we arrange a meeting. She calls me up the day before the planned meeting crying like an emo who lost his tickets to a "staby mc stab my heart" conert. When i inquire as to whats going on she says she has a confession and im going to hate her. She says the "pictures" of her arent really her and her friends put her up to being on the site and they found a girl who looks almost exactly like her and used that for her to see what guys think. So here i am thinking well if she looks anything like the girl in the picture its still a good score. So the next day comes around...... She shows up at my house a FARKING WHALE OF A THING, not only did she not look latino at all, neither did she look sexy. She was a black hump back quazimoto sperm WHALE. I'm no rascist as i have seen some sexy black women, but she was like a giant clown with all black make-up. I smile and invite her in, the first thing she says is i was actually not going to tell you because i doubt you could tell any difference from the pictures and who i really am....... So to sum it up i kicked her out a bit later after i couldn't fake it any more. I'm sorry but if you resemble a farm animal and you want to find a close picture of yourself go to the zooo!
(Wed 22nd Mar 2006, 8:53, More)

» Sacked

Ok this is my story
So i used to work at this movie theater. I had been there for about 7 months and my friend shows me how to filter money out of the system without getting caught. We scammed our way out of at least 100 dollars every shift we were working. If we worked a double or it was relaly busy we would make 200. It was a bas-ass job. I sold popcorn for 6.00 but actually made so much more off of the corporate scum! We had a mathematical system of keeping track of cups, bags, and other random stock items then applying it to what we could sell off. It was damn good! So 3 years pass of me doing this. I had gotten a couple bullshit reprimands for being late and stuff of the same nature in that time frame. I come to work one day forgetting my name tag and they fire me!
(Mon 27th Feb 2006, 10:47, More)