» Sacked

Another innocent terminated
There was this bloke where I once worked who opened my eyes to the depths of madness to which people can descend. I never knew how truly paranoid a person could be until encountering the wild fantasies of this individual. Everyone was plotting behind his back. He used to complain about music or even voices being too loud, about people joking and laughing (clearly at his expense) and demand meetings with co-workers and management to deal with his latest wild accusations. Oh, and people on other shifts were using his mug, plate and cutlery.

The feud over the plates was what did him in in the end. He targeted those he believed were the culprits, leaving them notes and sending emails (they worked opposite shifts and rarely met). At the Christmas party, he carried a plate over to their table and smashed it over his head, grinning maniacally at them, while in full view of the CEO et al.

Then one day he went to make a coffee in his mug, only to find it firmly glued to the cupboard. I guess it dawned on him as he stood trying in vain to lift his mug that everyone really was out to get him, really were laughing at him.

That day the workplace was in stitches. Everyone knew who the culprit was, but God love plausible deniability. So the culprit stayed, while the emails that the madman sent to the entire company accusing and threatening people who touched his property were used as a welcome excuse to solve that psychotic problem permanently.

To this day the mug remains as a silent tribute to him and crazy co-workers everywhere. Many have tried their hand at removing the cup, but all have failed. Legend has it that one day, some crazy King Arthur will walk in, casually reach for the mug and pull it free, thus crowning themself the new workplace psycho.


Apologies for length but not duration
(Sun 26th Feb 2006, 4:51, More)

» The best thing I've built

Papier-mache willies
to frighten Sarah Wallis.
(Fri 12th Oct 2012, 12:22, More)

» Getting other people into trouble

Got my manager fired, took his job
I used to have this boss who was really good at the technical part of his job but had no HR training or people skills. He'd helped build his organisation up from its origins as a two-man operation, helped squeeze a rival out of the market and establish us as the dominant player, but he was clearly better at the operations side of things and didn't really have a personality suited to managing all the people that he was suddenly in charge of. As a result, there was a pretty high rate of attrition.

So one time we were working on an important project - we'd been given this pep speech about how it was vital to the company's advancement and all that - and I was tasked with a humble job of monitoring and collating some stats. I noticed an anomoly, and since everyone was so serious about this project, I took the anomoly to my manager who dismissed me out of hand, not realising that our boss was standing right behind him. I won't bore you with the detail, but it turned out that I was right and my manager was wrong and the boss wasn't pleased.

Not long after that, my manager fucked something else up, or so our boss thought. I privately thought it was an understandable mistake and I was actually with him at the time, but our boss was still pissed off at my manager from when I'd showed him up earlier, so he blamed him and just terminated him on the spot.

So it turned out that I had dropped him in the shit. I felt sort of bad, but I have to admit I thought it sounded pretty cool when the boss told him that he'd failed him for the last time. Plus I got a promotion - result! Besides, who the fuck else could it have been all the way out there on Hoth?
(Fri 19th Oct 2012, 12:41, More)