» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

I didn't wait till I hit teens to rebel
I just ran away aged three.

M. McCann
(Fri 20th Jul 2007, 1:31, More)

» Why I was late

Cows.
Once upon a time, while I was at a boarding school in Somerset, I took it upon myself to go for a walk during a large break between two lessons. A friend thought this was a valid waste of time, and accompanied me.

We wandered around what was, essentially, farmland for an hour or so, then started wandering back towards the school. Upon the way we chanced upon a cow in the middle of the road. Cue us deciding to try to herd it back into the open gate it had clearly wandered from.

Cows aren't the most easy-to-command animals.

We spent half an hour, then found the farmer who owned it walking along a road, who thanked us for helping, and we went on our way.

Arrived back at school an hour late. And got to give the excuse, 'I was herding cows' as to why. Wasn't believed until the farmer phoned to thank the school.

Yeah, crappy story, but it's a little different. Just a little.

Length? Few miles.
(Sun 1st Jul 2007, 3:56, More)

» Pathological Liars

Once I had the job of looking after some sheep in a small village.
All in all, not the most strenuous job, although a bit tedious. Day in, day out, just watching some sheep eat grass.

After a while, I began to tire of this, and thought it'd be a bloody good joke to pretend there was a serious emergency occurring. I took a deep breath, and shouted 'Wolf! Wolf!' at the top of my voice.

All the villagers came running with big sticks, and upon their arrival I told them it had retreated, and that the sheep were safe again.

'Brilliant,' thought I, 'that was a thrilling experience!'

A few days later, I tried the same trick, with the same result.

I tried again the next day, but couldn't keep from laughing at the rather ridiculous situation I had created, and the villagers were none too pleased about this.

And woe is me, for the next week, what should I espy across the field but an actual, live wolf, heading with evil intent towards me and my sheepish charges. I screamed 'WOLF!' as loud as I could, but no-one seemed to hear. I continued screaming and shouting, but the villagers had all either gone deaf simultaneously, or chosen to ignore me as punishment for my earlier japes.

The wolf killed all the sheep, who remarkably sat around and watched as they were dispatched one by one, and then turned his attention to me, eating me like a particularly delectable cake.

Later, the villagers found my mostly-devoured corpse surrounded by a large quantity of bloody fleeces. I'll bet they were sorry after that. Some people just can't take a joke.


It was longer, but the wolf bit the end off.
(Fri 30th Nov 2007, 22:18, More)

» Pathological Liars

Films
I'm not sure why, but whenever a friend asks me if I've seen a film, or a TV series, or whatever, I will instinctively reply with 'Yeah...', and, if I haven't, then append that with 'but it was ages ago and I was really drunk/stoned/tired so I can't remember it'.

I will even go as far as to nod along and pretend I actually know the bits of the film they're talking about. And I have no idea why I do this, I just can't seem to help it.
(Thu 29th Nov 2007, 20:05, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Not parents directly
But my nan used to say 'only boring people get bored'

This was after leaving me in a car for a couple of hours when she went into a doctors. I was 6.
(Thu 16th Aug 2007, 14:29, More)