» Food sabotage

Mine sweepers
You know the kind, you leave your pint untended while going for a piss or to chat up a lass, and some sod has made off with it.

There was a regular at one nightclub, who we all lost many a pint to. My mate nudges me one night to point him out and the pint he was carrying, saying "that's a pint of my piss"
(Sat 20th Sep 2008, 22:56, More)

» My most gullible moment

Try this one yourself.
I've had so many suckers on this one.
-----
The reason yawns are contagious is to do with air pressure.
When you are in a plane and its coming in to land your ears hurt due to the pressure difference between your inner ear and the cabin and yawning equalises out the pressure difference.

Yawning is an unconscious response to a difference to pressure in the room and your inner ear. You yawn and it balances out the two pressures.

But once you have balanced yours out, you have effected the pressure in the room slightly, which throws everyone else out of balance and they have to yawn to compensate.
-----
I've lost count on the number of victims this one has claimed.
(Thu 21st Aug 2008, 23:20, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

Stuck on a train from Glasgow to London
Got on the thing just after work on a Friday night. It went a few miles down the track and stopped. For several hours.

Some selfish twat had jumped in front of the train in front of ours. There was a delay while they scraped him up.
It was dark before we started moving. They didn't have to clean it any more after that time.

As for the train. It was a virgin train (not a virgin anymore as it had some cunt smeared all over it) so the blood wouldn't have shown on its red paintwork.
(Wed 4th Jun 2008, 22:09, More)

» Evil Pranks

Tale from offshore 2
Tannoys are good fun, especially when you get someone else to make the announcement.

One one oilrig, there was a secretary who made the announcements.
They had warned her about the usual prank messages. All the dirty ones and some of the more fun ones like:
"Matt Black report to the painter's shack"
"Ted Rogers call 321"
"Alan Keys report to the mechanical workshop"
"Sean DaLear call the electrical workshop"

So, no one could get any past her. So...

There was a rather posh sounding chap who was always up for a laugh. We got a hard hat and wrote the name "Isaac Dick" on the front (as many do with their name). He went to the secretary to complain that he was expecting a tannoy and they weren't being put out.
A short while later she announced "Isaac Dick call 169"
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 23:07, More)

» Thrown away: The stuff you loved and lost.

My folks found an old record player in the loft and threw it out...
Well it wasn't records as such. It played some cylinders. They thought it was junk. Apparently worth quite a bit of cash.
(Thu 14th Aug 2008, 18:04, More)