» Best Graffiti Ever

On a dirty white van:
Dirty van seeks hot sponge for good clean fun.

There was also an anti smoking campaign at my friend's college which had the title 'The advantages of smoking' and then the rest of the poster was left blank. It was behind those perspex screens, but someone had managed to get one out and write things like 'It makes you thin' and 'It makes you look cool and sophisticated'

EDIT: This is really good graffiti though. Art on the back of vans. BBC story

can't think of a good length joke...
(Sat 5th May 2007, 17:36, More)

» Mistaken Identity

I have lost count of the times that I have been mistaken for a woman
(I'm most definatly not.*checks* nope, definatly not.)

Although I do have very long hair in rather good condition, which might account for some of it, a few occasions are recounted here for your delictation:

1) At a foam party a 40 year old bloke came up to me and put his arm round my waist. I politly told him "I'm really not your type" and proceded to avoid his advances for a good two more minutes before he said "you're a bloke aint ya?" and dissappeared into the foam.

2) Another similar occasion where a drunken student tried to dance with me before taking a second look and saying "Do you have a penis?" to which I replied "yes"

3) Rocky Horror - once to see the show, once to a rocky horror night in a club, both times trying to be a bad transvestite, both times looking not only convincing but also hot. Not my opinion, but what I was told by many people in that club.

Add to this all the times when my girlfiend and I have been mistaken for lesbians, and other assorted "excuse me miss/love" moments.

Lessons I have learned from this? well, I look better in a dress than most girls but there is no way I'd wear one all the time.

Length? Well obviously they didn't think I had any at first...
(Fri 1st Jun 2007, 9:48, More)

» Dentists

You must all just be unlucky
My dentist is ace, still on the NHS and when I had to have a filling I didnt even notice the two huge needles he stuck in my gums untill my mum asked me later wether they hurt.

Still, trying to drink when half of your mouth is numb is interesting, and smiling at people is also fun when you can only use half your mouth. The looks you get back are brilliant.
(Mon 6th Nov 2006, 12:59, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Why are blacks scared of chainsaws?
Its the sound they make: RUN-nigga-nigga-nigga RUN-nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga
(when you say it out loud it sounds like the sound of a chainsaw... helps if you do a chainsaw action as well)

My friend heard this one while he was at work in Toys-R-Us. A collegue shouted it to him down the length of an aisle, while there was a black man stoot right in between them... And he said coons not blacks...

*yay* my first post!

p.s. if you're going to say it out loud to see how it sounds, make sure you know who is listening...
(Tue 4th Apr 2006, 18:59, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

When I worked as a bike monkey in a cartain orange and black high street bike shop
I had a manager whom we shall call H. He was the laziest cnut known to man. He took so many fag and coffee breaks that he stunk of both perminantly. He never put in any effort. Once he asken me to help him carry a trailer out of the back to a customer's car, and even though he made some pretence at helping, I was the one doing all the lifting any of the weight.

His interpersonal relations were even worse. When dealing with customers he was always rude. So many people complained about him and knew of his general cnutishness that the first think my ex's neighbour said when he found out where I worked was "that manager of yours is a right cnut".

H could never leave anything- he always had to have the last word, no matter what the subject. Even if he knew nothing about it. He went on a huge ramble about how bad modern music is all because I said that I couldn't do a shift because it clashed with my popular music in context lecture. And he wouldn't listen when I said that there are many good modern groups, as there is more music than just the charts.

Finally, he was a perve. Any woman he talked to, he'd be talking to her breasts. He was also caught watching one female employee on the CCTV. And after he got moved to another store, he was fired for sexual harrasment of female employees.

His temporary replacement can't read, write or spell and is increadibly sort sighted and slightly deaf in one ear, and was still a better manager. Although that says something about the quality control in manager selection than anything else.

Length? 2 years at our store before we complained enough to get him moved.
(Thu 24th Jan 2008, 18:57, More)