Profile for Inigo Montoya:
Hows about a nice bit of bacefook?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=750835395
Well duh!!
Proud of my Nerd Test, I am.
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- a member for 3 years, 10 months and 4 days
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- has posted 6 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
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Hows about a nice bit of bacefook?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=750835395
Which fictional character are you?
Well duh!!
Proud of my Nerd Test, I am.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» I hurt my rude bits
Solero
Once at a party, a friend of mine who was the most awkward person around girls finally copped off (hurrah!) She was to meet him in one of the bedrooms upstairs. He dashed over to my group of friends all excited and asked us for a few bedroom gymnasium tips.
"Well"; I began; "food in the bedroom is always a winner. Try something cool which when replaced with your mouth will be a very pleasant sensation (or so ive been told)"
He darts to the freezer and grabs a nice fruits of the forest Solero and dissapears upstairs.
Fifteen minutes later, we hear a scream emanating from upstairs. This was closely followed by a naked girl running downstairs, through the crowded room and into the downstairs loo. oh yeah, with a fruits of the forest Solero firmly attatched to her flange.
Seems that icy produce is quite adhesive on wet surfaces. Imagine the tongue on a metal pole during winter. This poor girl had confectionary bonded to her clitoris.
No apologies for length girth or having to wash fruity sorbet off your flaps after trying this.
(Sat 15th Jul 2006, 9:12, More)
Solero
Once at a party, a friend of mine who was the most awkward person around girls finally copped off (hurrah!) She was to meet him in one of the bedrooms upstairs. He dashed over to my group of friends all excited and asked us for a few bedroom gymnasium tips.
"Well"; I began; "food in the bedroom is always a winner. Try something cool which when replaced with your mouth will be a very pleasant sensation (or so ive been told)"
He darts to the freezer and grabs a nice fruits of the forest Solero and dissapears upstairs.
Fifteen minutes later, we hear a scream emanating from upstairs. This was closely followed by a naked girl running downstairs, through the crowded room and into the downstairs loo. oh yeah, with a fruits of the forest Solero firmly attatched to her flange.
Seems that icy produce is quite adhesive on wet surfaces. Imagine the tongue on a metal pole during winter. This poor girl had confectionary bonded to her clitoris.
No apologies for length girth or having to wash fruity sorbet off your flaps after trying this.
(Sat 15th Jul 2006, 9:12, More)
» Intense Friendships
Not so intense, more gay.
As a young 'un I had a little friend called Daniel. He was a podgy sort of boy and lived next door. We used to play army in the woods together and go on bike rides. Then something happened. He spent more and more time with his sisters, even at 8 he started to wear tight shorts that gave him cameltoe. when a group of us got together to play Transformers or Mask or Army, he wanted to be Madonna. He would vogue his little fucking head off. We had girls in our group and in summer we'd play doctor in the bushes. Daniel always tried to look at and touch boybits. He even used be on the girls team at kiss chase.
Anyway, a few years on we go to a party and Daniel is already there. Hadnt seen him for years. He's in full drag, pissed up and telling everyone how WE used to play doctor and how WE used to kiss in the bushes and how WE were going to get married!
I now have my very own gay stalker.
(Thu 3rd Aug 2006, 10:25, More)
Not so intense, more gay.
As a young 'un I had a little friend called Daniel. He was a podgy sort of boy and lived next door. We used to play army in the woods together and go on bike rides. Then something happened. He spent more and more time with his sisters, even at 8 he started to wear tight shorts that gave him cameltoe. when a group of us got together to play Transformers or Mask or Army, he wanted to be Madonna. He would vogue his little fucking head off. We had girls in our group and in summer we'd play doctor in the bushes. Daniel always tried to look at and touch boybits. He even used be on the girls team at kiss chase.
Anyway, a few years on we go to a party and Daniel is already there. Hadnt seen him for years. He's in full drag, pissed up and telling everyone how WE used to play doctor and how WE used to kiss in the bushes and how WE were going to get married!
I now have my very own gay stalker.
(Thu 3rd Aug 2006, 10:25, More)
» Encounters with Royalty
Not me, a family member,
I wont tell you the full story of my Great Uncle's encounter with the Queen. You will either know it or it is readily available on the internets.
I'll just tell you his name:
Michael Fagan.
(Thu 3rd Aug 2006, 21:27, More)
Not me, a family member,
I wont tell you the full story of my Great Uncle's encounter with the Queen. You will either know it or it is readily available on the internets.
I'll just tell you his name:
Michael Fagan.
(Thu 3rd Aug 2006, 21:27, More)
» Barred
A Freezer Shop in Halifax
I was sixteen and skiving off school. We were keen on the fast show at the time.
The shop was packed with pensioners all buying frozen shit.
I took a deep breath and shouted "ARSE!!!!"
One old lady shat herself so much that she needed a chair to take a little rest. And she stank of poo so i guess she literally did shit herself.
Although the ban hasnt officially been lifted, the shop has changed owners so I can buy frozen shit from there. (except its pikey crap so I wont)
Fuck you with your pub/club stories. Pussys.
Try getting banned from a freezer shop!!!
(Thu 31st Aug 2006, 14:08, More)
A Freezer Shop in Halifax
I was sixteen and skiving off school. We were keen on the fast show at the time.
The shop was packed with pensioners all buying frozen shit.
I took a deep breath and shouted "ARSE!!!!"
One old lady shat herself so much that she needed a chair to take a little rest. And she stank of poo so i guess she literally did shit herself.
Although the ban hasnt officially been lifted, the shop has changed owners so I can buy frozen shit from there. (except its pikey crap so I wont)
Fuck you with your pub/club stories. Pussys.
Try getting banned from a freezer shop!!!
(Thu 31st Aug 2006, 14:08, More)
» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!
Finger-lickin good.
During my college years I worked for a company which sells poultry that is placed in a vat of oil in a style possibly linked with southern parts of america.
During my time there I saw many unhappy customers come and go. One stint involved my Manager and Assistant manager being off sick and I had to rule the roost for a while. One particularly arsey customer decided to whinge and moan in a loud voice about how unhappy he was with his food. It was cold. I went over to see if I could sort him out. He then proceeded to hurl abuse at my forced smiling face.
"ok sir" I simpered through gritted teeth. "I'll get you a nice warm new one"
I went into the kitchen area and told the burger chef the situation. He peered over the partition/warmer and said "that cunt again. ill sort it".
I then left the kitchen only to look back later to see the chef promenading around with the customers burger half stuffed down his pants. He then placed it back on the griddle to warm, then pulled the buns from between his arse cheeks(!) and slapped the burger in between them (after wiping his cock on it).
He then went out and personally delivered the customer's (tasty new) burger. Which he seemed to thoroughly enjoy.
His only comment on leaving.
"too much cheese"
I dont eat stuff from there anymore
(Wed 26th Jul 2006, 10:39, More)
Finger-lickin good.
During my college years I worked for a company which sells poultry that is placed in a vat of oil in a style possibly linked with southern parts of america.
During my time there I saw many unhappy customers come and go. One stint involved my Manager and Assistant manager being off sick and I had to rule the roost for a while. One particularly arsey customer decided to whinge and moan in a loud voice about how unhappy he was with his food. It was cold. I went over to see if I could sort him out. He then proceeded to hurl abuse at my forced smiling face.
"ok sir" I simpered through gritted teeth. "I'll get you a nice warm new one"
I went into the kitchen area and told the burger chef the situation. He peered over the partition/warmer and said "that cunt again. ill sort it".
I then left the kitchen only to look back later to see the chef promenading around with the customers burger half stuffed down his pants. He then placed it back on the griddle to warm, then pulled the buns from between his arse cheeks(!) and slapped the burger in between them (after wiping his cock on it).
He then went out and personally delivered the customer's (tasty new) burger. Which he seemed to thoroughly enjoy.
His only comment on leaving.
"too much cheese"
I dont eat stuff from there anymore
(Wed 26th Jul 2006, 10:39, More)