» Messing with the Dark Side

mais oui-ja
i went to college in switzerland (long story, don't ask). it was half term. i was back in london town. boyf was still in switz, doing ouija board.. cut to me going to bed, going to sleep then waking up in absolute horror, pinned to the bed, dark as fuck, can't even move a finger "knowing" someone was in the room. lasted for what felt was forever, i was sure i was going to die, then phone rang. instantly i could move, light from outside came in & i could see again. picked up phone. it was the boyf in panic yelling "are you alright?" over & over.. turns out he'd asked ouija questions about me (it even spelt my name right, which takes some doing..) and then asked it "is my girlf alright?". ouija responds with emphatic "no".. cue night visitation of some demon.... it's all true. we don't go out any more...
(Tue 25th Apr 2006, 17:25, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Three... tho nearly 4
The first was my gran. I watched her die in hospital - literally take her last breaths. She didn't want to go & kept on calling for me & my mother to pull her back. She told us to take hold of her arms and legs and pull.. If anyone had come into the room, I hate to think what would have happened. Me on pulling her legs, mum pulling on her arms, gran shouting "pull harder, pull harder, I don't want to go". Grim at the time, but oddly funny now. When she finally died, it was almost an anticlimax. She just breathed in deeply, and then that was it. I kept on waiting for her to wake up/move, but she didn't. My mum left the room to call the nurse and I got the collywobbles - it was eerie that 2 minutes ago she'd been there, and now she wasn't.

The second was my sister-in-law. She was lovely. Died when she was 5 months pregnant. As she was Muslim, the burial was pretty sharpish afterwards. We took her home to wash her body (I helped). What was most distressing is that being in a 3rd world country, there was no way of saving the baby, so it died with her. I was sure when we washing her, I could see her tummy move. It was probably my imagination but it's haunted me ever since.

The third was my other half's father. He died of cancer and I went to say goodbye. I could barely recognise him - he was literally a skeleton when he died. I remembered him as a big burly chap. An absolute shock.

The fourth "almost" On a lighter note. Me & my chums were walking home from school on a v hot summer's day. Saw a bloke flat out on his face in a garden, next to a lawn mower. We figured he'd had a heart attack and so stood for ages wondering what to do. Eventually, one of us threw a stick at him. He woke up. D'oh! Still, at least we cared enough to check!

No apologies for length, but a peck for grimness. Not a happy topic. Sighs.
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 13:22, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Not So Bonet
Not really hero's of mine, but I met both Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet (Angel Heart/The Cosby Show) years ago when they were still married. Lisa was a hessian eating crusty who didn't believe in shaving. Her legs were like fur and the hair under her arms was almost long enough to braid. She kept on making fun of my English accent - but just sounded like a twatty American who can't do accents. Lenny was nice (v thin legs). I had a migraine & couldn't make it to a party so had to retire to bed. He came in and sat with me for a while...*swoon* I think he appreciated how depilated I was...
(Thu 25th May 2006, 15:38, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Not really the worst..
But: From first name: M, Maz, Mazzer, Mazmeister, Mazmeister General, Mazbalunka, Balunka, Marj (current)
From surname: Jib, Jibbers, Jibberwawa, Brillo, Brillopad
or
Biffo Poips (I don't know why either, but my bro's use to reduce me to tears with it when I was 7)
Apols for lack of humour, but am still scarred...
(Fri 19th May 2006, 12:11, More)

» Personal Hygiene

The hell of Norwich
I had the unfortunate experience to have worked with a bloke, who was known as Smelly. He was a lovely chap, but never washed and never used deoderant (said it gave you cancer). For work, we had to move out of London & I shared a house with Smelly and my other boss. We made sure he had the room with en-suite bathroom. Which he never used. We bought him a bed - he put the mattress on the floor & slept on it in a sleeping bag, with his dog. He didn't change the sheets once in 3 months - when we left, they were black. He lived on tinned mussells and such like and used to leave the semi-empty cans all over the house. He never washed up. His stench was so acrid I used to walk to work rather than get in a car with him. Our office mates told him he stank - he denied it & told them they had problems. Best bit was when he wore his new leather trousers in the summer (every day for weeks) - the acrid miasma was almost visible - he was pigpen. Every now & then when I catch the smell of festering drains, I think of him... I've never been so glad to have been made redundant. Mind you, he had competition. I was in a cab with a driver who used to drive Vanessa Feltz. He told me she stank to high heaven. Which is nice.
(Fri 23rd Mar 2007, 17:56, More)