» Customers from Hell

Grumpy old man
Before I sacrificied looking beautiful for looking more masculine via getting rid of my shoulder length hair I had to wear it in a pony tail at my oh so interesting job at a supermarket.

Now sometimes the obvious gender mistake would be made by a customer but I wasn't too fussed by it and neither were the customers. Except one;

To set the scene I was kneeling on the floor tidying the blocks of cheese when I hear an elderly man speak to me;
"Excuse me sweetheart, where is the cream?". Now I couldn't help but be amused by being called sweetheart and was probably cheekily smiling when I got up.
"Are you a man?" He questioned, his tone slightly aggravated.
I replied with a simple "yes" to be snapped back at with "You bloody fool! Get your hair cut!"
(in hindsight I should have replied no and acted offended)
I simply countered that I was getting my hair cut in a few days (which I actually was) and pointed him to the cream which was no more than 3 feet away from him.
Humourless old bugger.
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 18:29, More)

» Body Mods

Mum paid for my first one
Yeah she bought me a pair of those trainers that light up, it was like having my own neon under-lighting... of course I should have realised it was a mistake getting them when I was 14.

My second body mod was when some pikey chav kids beat me up for having the trainers of a six year-old, painted me bright yellow and nailed a plank of wood to my back as a 'spoiler'.

I now have alloy wheels and I'm saving up for a bangin' sound system.
(Sat 2nd Dec 2006, 20:53, More)

» Pet Stories

Thor
We've got this big black cat who's soppy as fuck, he dribbles if you stroke him for over 2 minutes and then proceeds to flick it all over you. He's also got a fetish for duvets and especially sleepingbags, choosing them over the 3 female cats we have in the house. He hardly catches anything, that or he eats it straight after instead of bring it back to the house.

Except one time he did, unlike the other cats who bring us shrews or birds, he brought us a live baby rabbit, how he caught it I'll never know, we ended up having to get him to drop it into a bucket and then releasing it back into the fields.

Length? Well it looks longer now as he's decided to lick his whole crotch clean, the dirty bugger.
(Sat 9th Jun 2007, 18:47, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

Gravy
Many years ago, recovering from a recent bout of childhood illness, I was sat in front of the tv enjoying a lovely shepherd's pie. Until I farted and realised the warmth was hanging around little too long and was a little too wet to have been gas. On waddling to the toilet I was presented with a substance reminiscent of the mince and gravy I had been consuming minutes before nestled in my pants. Surprisingly this didn't put me off returning to my meal after I'd cleaned myself up.
(Fri 28th Mar 2008, 21:50, More)

» Failed

Another driving test failure
I don't know why he failed me though, surely running over one little girl is just one minor, not sixteen.
(Sun 7th Jan 2007, 19:51, More)