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- a member for 17 years, 10 months and 15 days
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» Mugged
Lothian Road
Edinburghs most lovely of promenades. Charmingly decorated with vomit, jailbait and gadgie proto-primates at approximately 3 or 4am. Myself and my friend, a hippy, were walking up the road to the 24 hour shop in search of some munch when we were surrounded by a group of bad tracksuits and baseball caps.
"Ehhh yous go' ahnnee eckies, like?"
"No"
"Valeeyum?"
"No"
"Jellies?"
"No"
The hippy starts to reason with him on a conceptual level, he pulls a decent knife. He points it at me, I punch him in the throat, and suddenly a copper turns up. Magic. Gadgie is on the ground, saying "kechh..." - knife, or his mates, nowhere to be seen. Copper starts to arrest me. The hippy calls him a fascist. This doesn't go down well.
So I ended up getting mugged by proxy...
Apologies for length, but you know you love it.
(Thu 15th Jun 2006, 23:12, More)
Lothian Road
Edinburghs most lovely of promenades. Charmingly decorated with vomit, jailbait and gadgie proto-primates at approximately 3 or 4am. Myself and my friend, a hippy, were walking up the road to the 24 hour shop in search of some munch when we were surrounded by a group of bad tracksuits and baseball caps.
"Ehhh yous go' ahnnee eckies, like?"
"No"
"Valeeyum?"
"No"
"Jellies?"
"No"
The hippy starts to reason with him on a conceptual level, he pulls a decent knife. He points it at me, I punch him in the throat, and suddenly a copper turns up. Magic. Gadgie is on the ground, saying "kechh..." - knife, or his mates, nowhere to be seen. Copper starts to arrest me. The hippy calls him a fascist. This doesn't go down well.
So I ended up getting mugged by proxy...
Apologies for length, but you know you love it.
(Thu 15th Jun 2006, 23:12, More)
» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!
kitchens..
Having worked in bars all over our yummy grey scottish capital (which gets some flinking sun only now I'm down in Auckland, where it's raining) - and having seen everything up to and including a toilet being removed and re-installed by a chef in his whites while on duty, I can say that pub kitchens are truly the scariest places on earth.
Two places you should never look - in the greasetraps, and in the drains... Once, we removed an anonymous looking square block of wood in the floor and saw an unfathomable black pool of pure nasty with a dead rat and small brown nugget floating on it... *ahem* let's just put that back on then...
Oneliner: warning, small children may choke on nuts.
(Tue 25th Jul 2006, 4:52, More)
kitchens..
Having worked in bars all over our yummy grey scottish capital (which gets some flinking sun only now I'm down in Auckland, where it's raining) - and having seen everything up to and including a toilet being removed and re-installed by a chef in his whites while on duty, I can say that pub kitchens are truly the scariest places on earth.
Two places you should never look - in the greasetraps, and in the drains... Once, we removed an anonymous looking square block of wood in the floor and saw an unfathomable black pool of pure nasty with a dead rat and small brown nugget floating on it... *ahem* let's just put that back on then...
Oneliner: warning, small children may choke on nuts.
(Tue 25th Jul 2006, 4:52, More)
» Awesome Sickies
It's all in the mind...
A friend once told me he used to say he had "an acute ideomatic thrombocytopaenic purpura" or, loosely translated, a nasty rash that nobody can explain. Haven't had the chance to try that one...
Once, however, after getting mind-blisteringly drunk with my brother, I completely hallucinated phoning my boss, explaining that I was too drunk to come to work and that it would be best that I stay in bed... So when he called me at 2pm my response was "I told you - I'm too drunk today"..
'scuse length, it's to make up for not having a car.
(Wed 14th Jun 2006, 1:40, More)
It's all in the mind...
A friend once told me he used to say he had "an acute ideomatic thrombocytopaenic purpura" or, loosely translated, a nasty rash that nobody can explain. Haven't had the chance to try that one...
Once, however, after getting mind-blisteringly drunk with my brother, I completely hallucinated phoning my boss, explaining that I was too drunk to come to work and that it would be best that I stay in bed... So when he called me at 2pm my response was "I told you - I'm too drunk today"..
'scuse length, it's to make up for not having a car.
(Wed 14th Jun 2006, 1:40, More)