Profile for Nitrous:
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- a member for 3 years, 5 months and 13 days
- has posted 33 messages on the main board
- (of which 1 have appeared on the front page)
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 0 messages on the links board
- has posted 22 stories and 6 replies on question of the week
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» Accidental innuendo
Antique Tackle
Two things you need to know 1. My dad collects antique fishing er equipment (rods and reels)2. The women in my family are famed for not having a sense of humour.
email from Mum with ends : "...Your dad has been collecting more antique fishing tackle and I have been finding it very interesting"
response from me: "That's nice mum, I'm glad that you've been finding Dad's antique tackle interesting it shows that there is still a spark of romance left in your marriage."
My dad is the one who picks up the email. He thinks it's so funny, he shows it to the builder, the postman, the dog who all think it's extremely funny. Then to my mum who goes "oh yes, that's nice" (whooshing noise as joke goes over her head).
Two days later mum collapses in fits of giggles. "I've just got it!" she says
(Sat 14th Jun 2008, 18:13, More)
Antique Tackle
Two things you need to know 1. My dad collects antique fishing er equipment (rods and reels)2. The women in my family are famed for not having a sense of humour.
email from Mum with ends : "...Your dad has been collecting more antique fishing tackle and I have been finding it very interesting"
response from me: "That's nice mum, I'm glad that you've been finding Dad's antique tackle interesting it shows that there is still a spark of romance left in your marriage."
My dad is the one who picks up the email. He thinks it's so funny, he shows it to the builder, the postman, the dog who all think it's extremely funny. Then to my mum who goes "oh yes, that's nice" (whooshing noise as joke goes over her head).
Two days later mum collapses in fits of giggles. "I've just got it!" she says
(Sat 14th Jun 2008, 18:13, More)
» Dumb things you've done
Dog Bite
New Year's Day. Out walking my uncle's dog. Said dog, gets into a fight with another dog. In a moment of panic I decide the most sensible thing was to try and prize my uncle's dog's jaws off the other dog with my bare hands.
The dogs eventually broke up of their own accord. I looked at my hands and thought, "is that my blood or the dog's"? Then I noticed a gaping hole in the centre of my hand where an incisor had punctured the flesh and thought "oh it's mine"
Although that was a fairly stupid thing to do I think I was beaten into second place by the guy standing in front of me at the small injuries unit. Who had decided to saw off his little finger. For a bet.
(Sun 30th Dec 2007, 23:45, More)
Dog Bite
New Year's Day. Out walking my uncle's dog. Said dog, gets into a fight with another dog. In a moment of panic I decide the most sensible thing was to try and prize my uncle's dog's jaws off the other dog with my bare hands.
The dogs eventually broke up of their own accord. I looked at my hands and thought, "is that my blood or the dog's"? Then I noticed a gaping hole in the centre of my hand where an incisor had punctured the flesh and thought "oh it's mine"
Although that was a fairly stupid thing to do I think I was beaten into second place by the guy standing in front of me at the small injuries unit. Who had decided to saw off his little finger. For a bet.
(Sun 30th Dec 2007, 23:45, More)
» Mobile phone disasters
Interview
Many moons ago, I went for an interview for a teaching job. the interviews lasted pretty much the whole day and one of the interviews was a "stress interview" where the interviewers were trying to deliberately unsettle you and knock you confidence to see how you reacted. Now the golden rule of any interview situation is to switch the mobile off before you go into the interview and inevitabley, I forgot to do so. The mobile I had at the time let out a high volume piercing "beeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" noise when a text message arrived.
So picture the scene:
phone: "beeeeeeeeeeeeep!"
me: *smiles politely tries to pretend nothing has happened*
interviewer1: *looks around sarcastically as if trying to place where the noise has come from*
Interviwer2: *looks incredoulous*
phone: "beeeeeeeeeeeeep!"
me: "er I'll turn it off."
When I finished the interview, I went out side to check my messages.
Text 1 from my mate Darren "Good Luck with the interview mate!"
Text 2 from my mate Dan "How did you get on with the interview? Did you get the job?"
Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!
Needless to say I wasn't successful.
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 16:53, More)
Interview
Many moons ago, I went for an interview for a teaching job. the interviews lasted pretty much the whole day and one of the interviews was a "stress interview" where the interviewers were trying to deliberately unsettle you and knock you confidence to see how you reacted. Now the golden rule of any interview situation is to switch the mobile off before you go into the interview and inevitabley, I forgot to do so. The mobile I had at the time let out a high volume piercing "beeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" noise when a text message arrived.
So picture the scene:
phone: "beeeeeeeeeeeeep!"
me: *smiles politely tries to pretend nothing has happened*
interviewer1: *looks around sarcastically as if trying to place where the noise has come from*
Interviwer2: *looks incredoulous*
phone: "beeeeeeeeeeeeep!"
me: "er I'll turn it off."
When I finished the interview, I went out side to check my messages.
Text 1 from my mate Darren "Good Luck with the interview mate!"
Text 2 from my mate Dan "How did you get on with the interview? Did you get the job?"
Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!
Needless to say I wasn't successful.
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 16:53, More)
» Political Correctness Gone Mad
A Former employer of mine
Like most FE colleges has a quota to employ ethnic minority staff. The only problem with this is that in order to fill the quota they end up employing staff who are well below par in terms of their skills and ability to do the job. Consequently, they now have a disproportionate of number ethnic minority teachers failing their probation. This has been noted by the union and there are a number of racial discrimination tribunals pending.
(Tue 27th Nov 2007, 13:01, More)
A Former employer of mine
Like most FE colleges has a quota to employ ethnic minority staff. The only problem with this is that in order to fill the quota they end up employing staff who are well below par in terms of their skills and ability to do the job. Consequently, they now have a disproportionate of number ethnic minority teachers failing their probation. This has been noted by the union and there are a number of racial discrimination tribunals pending.
(Tue 27th Nov 2007, 13:01, More)
» I don't understand the attraction
Ok here we go......
The Fast Show - catch phrase comedy with no jokes. Yet everybody seemed to love it back in the day.
Strictly Come Dancing - Yes as I am a red blooded male and I get the whole thing of watching Kelly Brook and Lisa BenNevis writhing around with not much on but why is it that BBC becomes the Strictly channel about this time of year. No, we don't have any real news we'll plug Strictly instead.
Oasis - The reason why every song sounds like a classic is because they are ripped off a bunch of other songs that are already classics. What talent! what genius!
BO Selecta - Is this funny?
The Matrix - Badly written, Badly acted, pretentious, bollocks.
(Thu 15th Oct 2009, 20:54, More)
Ok here we go......
The Fast Show - catch phrase comedy with no jokes. Yet everybody seemed to love it back in the day.
Strictly Come Dancing - Yes as I am a red blooded male and I get the whole thing of watching Kelly Brook and Lisa BenNevis writhing around with not much on but why is it that BBC becomes the Strictly channel about this time of year. No, we don't have any real news we'll plug Strictly instead.
Oasis - The reason why every song sounds like a classic is because they are ripped off a bunch of other songs that are already classics. What talent! what genius!
BO Selecta - Is this funny?
The Matrix - Badly written, Badly acted, pretentious, bollocks.
(Thu 15th Oct 2009, 20:54, More)