Profile for A Vagabond:
The most interesting things about me are 1. I take photographs, and 2. I do stuff to them like that below.
This is me, by me:
And then immortalised by The Fiend:
A lot of people ask me why it's raining in a lot of my B3ta images. You may want to join in. Most of the below are CFB:
Recent front page messages:
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Best answers to questions:
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- a member for 3 years, 4 months and 14 days
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- has posted 1589 messages on the talk board
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- has posted 60 stories and 142 replies on question of the week
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The most interesting things about me are 1. I take photographs, and 2. I do stuff to them like that below.
This is me, by me:
And then immortalised by The Fiend:
A lot of people ask me why it's raining in a lot of my B3ta images. You may want to join in. Most of the below are CFB:
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Unexpected Nudity
Nekkid woman
My ex-stepmother is far too worthy, self-righteous and power-happy to do anything other than make an utter fool of herself in absolutely everything she does. She is also so egotistical she is prone to create rather disturbing, bordering on the abusive, but ultimately in hindsight terrifically funny scenes like that detailed below, as a result:
When I was about 14, I'd got to the stage that I was decorating my room and generally turning into a bit of a punk/goth, so there were a lot of drapes and "arty" pictures in my room.
My wardrobe door was a bit tatty, so one day when I passed a shop selling long, thin posters, I decided to get one to cover it.
The one I chose was of a topless woman standing by a deep red velvet curtain, holding a black rose, by a white marble plinth thing (I make no apology - I was 14 - full of poetry and wobbly-voiced sincerity).
I put it up and that was that.
That evening my stepmother knocked on my door, opened it a crack, and told me "Vagabond - I don't like your poster. It's demeaning to women so I want you to take it down and throw it away."
She'd obviously planned this, as I played straight into her hands.
"It's only a naked woman - it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Oh YEAH?!" she replied "Well if you want to see what a naked woman looks like, HERE IT IS!" and she burst in, in her birthday suit.
She danced around the room several times, tore down my poster, tore it into little pieces, threw the little pieces all over the room, and ran out.
(Mon 1st Jun 2009, 13:57, More)
Nekkid woman
My ex-stepmother is far too worthy, self-righteous and power-happy to do anything other than make an utter fool of herself in absolutely everything she does. She is also so egotistical she is prone to create rather disturbing, bordering on the abusive, but ultimately in hindsight terrifically funny scenes like that detailed below, as a result:
When I was about 14, I'd got to the stage that I was decorating my room and generally turning into a bit of a punk/goth, so there were a lot of drapes and "arty" pictures in my room.
My wardrobe door was a bit tatty, so one day when I passed a shop selling long, thin posters, I decided to get one to cover it.
The one I chose was of a topless woman standing by a deep red velvet curtain, holding a black rose, by a white marble plinth thing (I make no apology - I was 14 - full of poetry and wobbly-voiced sincerity).
I put it up and that was that.
That evening my stepmother knocked on my door, opened it a crack, and told me "Vagabond - I don't like your poster. It's demeaning to women so I want you to take it down and throw it away."
She'd obviously planned this, as I played straight into her hands.
"It's only a naked woman - it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Oh YEAH?!" she replied "Well if you want to see what a naked woman looks like, HERE IT IS!" and she burst in, in her birthday suit.
She danced around the room several times, tore down my poster, tore it into little pieces, threw the little pieces all over the room, and ran out.
(Mon 1st Jun 2009, 13:57, More)
» Voyeurism
Bloody hell yes. From an office.
Used to work on the 8th floor of a buidling in Covent Garden, and overlooked a few roof-gardens.
One day in the summer, one of our blokes was on the 'phone, and looking out the window. He started tailing off his conversation, and eventually was just staring out the window, until eventually he goes "BLOODY HELLFIRE! COME AND LOOK AT THIS!"
We all ran over, and on a roof on the opposite side of the road were two couples, bollock-nekkid, all chatting.
Then they just start cracking into it.
And they're clearly talking amongst each other while they're doing so - having actual conversations - "Did you watch Corrie last night?" "Yeah I know - what a bitch!" "Good match last night - I see your lot won against Arsenal" etc.
We were stunned.
They looked up. They carried on.
We made judges cards and held them up.
They gave us a wave.
They loved it.
And you love my length.
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 14:32, More)
Bloody hell yes. From an office.
Used to work on the 8th floor of a buidling in Covent Garden, and overlooked a few roof-gardens.
One day in the summer, one of our blokes was on the 'phone, and looking out the window. He started tailing off his conversation, and eventually was just staring out the window, until eventually he goes "BLOODY HELLFIRE! COME AND LOOK AT THIS!"
We all ran over, and on a roof on the opposite side of the road were two couples, bollock-nekkid, all chatting.
Then they just start cracking into it.
And they're clearly talking amongst each other while they're doing so - having actual conversations - "Did you watch Corrie last night?" "Yeah I know - what a bitch!" "Good match last night - I see your lot won against Arsenal" etc.
We were stunned.
They looked up. They carried on.
We made judges cards and held them up.
They gave us a wave.
They loved it.
And you love my length.
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 14:32, More)
» Family Feuds
Stepmother #2
Fans will remember my stepmother is an awful, self-righteous, worthy loon.
Fresh off the back of telling a 12yo me that my father A: had never loved my mother (despite him and my mum having been married for 14 years and had three children together), and telling me that her and my father had been together "forever, because time is just a concept, actually", when my half brother was still in a tiny, tiny cot, she decided to go into town. My father was working that day, and thus they'd agreed that he'd take the car.
When she'd done her chores in town, she then proceeded to 'phone my dad at work, and request that he come and pick her up, as she didn't want to get the 'bus back.
My dad pointed out that, er ... he was at work, so, er ... no.
She left my half-brother in his carry cot, at the 'bus station, and got the 'bus home, to, er ... to prove her point that my dad should have come and picked her up.
(Thu 12th Nov 2009, 13:40, More)
Stepmother #2
Fans will remember my stepmother is an awful, self-righteous, worthy loon.
Fresh off the back of telling a 12yo me that my father A: had never loved my mother (despite him and my mum having been married for 14 years and had three children together), and telling me that her and my father had been together "forever, because time is just a concept, actually", when my half brother was still in a tiny, tiny cot, she decided to go into town. My father was working that day, and thus they'd agreed that he'd take the car.
When she'd done her chores in town, she then proceeded to 'phone my dad at work, and request that he come and pick her up, as she didn't want to get the 'bus back.
My dad pointed out that, er ... he was at work, so, er ... no.
She left my half-brother in his carry cot, at the 'bus station, and got the 'bus home, to, er ... to prove her point that my dad should have come and picked her up.
(Thu 12th Nov 2009, 13:40, More)
» Festivals
... and one friend, a Levellers fan
... was dead keen to see them play at Glastonbury on the Friday. It was quite cute to see him getting more and more excited the closer and closer we got to the time. We got down there on the Thursday, and set up camp. Boshed a couple of tabs of acid, and had a smoke. My friend decides - wisely - that he's going to have a shit while the toilets are relatively "clean".
So off he toddles, and a couple of us follow him to go for a slash.
We wait for him.
And we wait for him.
Sitting having a shit, he realised he'd absolutely chosen the wrong bog, as this one was clearly being lifted up by a crane.
But he's on acid. Silly boy - of course it's not moving!
Except it bloody is, though!
No its not, lad. You're tripping. YOU'RE TRIPPING!
It bloody is ... sure it is ...
He finishes his shit, pulls his trousers up, and ... well ...
Just in case, you understand ...
Gets down on his hands and knees (in a festival bog!), and very gingerly opens the door ...
To find us - and soon everyone else - laughing, staring and pointing going "What the FUCK are you doing?!"
(Thu 4th Jun 2009, 17:01, More)
... and one friend, a Levellers fan
... was dead keen to see them play at Glastonbury on the Friday. It was quite cute to see him getting more and more excited the closer and closer we got to the time. We got down there on the Thursday, and set up camp. Boshed a couple of tabs of acid, and had a smoke. My friend decides - wisely - that he's going to have a shit while the toilets are relatively "clean".
So off he toddles, and a couple of us follow him to go for a slash.
We wait for him.
And we wait for him.
Sitting having a shit, he realised he'd absolutely chosen the wrong bog, as this one was clearly being lifted up by a crane.
But he's on acid. Silly boy - of course it's not moving!
Except it bloody is, though!
No its not, lad. You're tripping. YOU'RE TRIPPING!
It bloody is ... sure it is ...
He finishes his shit, pulls his trousers up, and ... well ...
Just in case, you understand ...
Gets down on his hands and knees (in a festival bog!), and very gingerly opens the door ...
To find us - and soon everyone else - laughing, staring and pointing going "What the FUCK are you doing?!"
(Thu 4th Jun 2009, 17:01, More)