Bit of a subtle one this


But I always thought they were the same thing really.
(Wed 14th Aug 2002, 14:27, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Don't play with it
As a small child (and often even now), I would often find myself far too involved in what I was doing to want to use the bathroom when my bladder was full. As all young males do, I would hold my willy when the urge came on. Whenever my mum saw this, she would tell me to "stop playing with yourself". This obviously wasn't enough and a little lie was required to cure this problem. I have a step brother who was circumsised as a baby. Myself and my brother weren't - so when we went swimming I saw it and being an innocent child asked my mother about it. She told me he'd had an operation and that was what they did to you if you didn't stop playing with it.

Shouldn't have been a problem, except I never realised (since I was scared to play with it) that the foreskin actually pulled back - at least not until I had to go to the doctors several years later complaining of severe pain at school - you see, if you don't know, urine can get stuck in there and turn very nasty indeed when you sit still for a while.

Thanks mum, but still love her.

That took so long to type, i'm dying for a slash...
(Sun 18th Jan 2004, 0:46, More)

» Claims to Fame

Sorry it's crap
My mum once had Emu bite her breast. Nice old Rod Hull.
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 16:47, More)

» Jobsworths

Sports Shop in Miltion Keynes
My brother, his wife and two kids come up from Kent to visit me. For some reason the conversation moves to both my brother and myself needing new trainers.
Since they've never been to MK before and seen our lovely shopping centre, I offer to take them all up town and treat them to dinner.
Finally found a large out of town sports store with loads of dirt cheap decent trainers - great we thought. Oh dear, Saturday afternoon and one 16 year old shop assistant in the shoe department.
This young lad is doing his best with a queue of about 15 people hovering with one left shoe (have you got these in a 7?) and so on.
The lad doesn't seem to realise that he could take more than one shoe off the customers and wonder out back looking for them in one go... so instead he deals with one customer at a time. While customer is thinking about the pair he's just tried on, shop assistant just stands there - looking into space. Meanwhile my sister in law has found a pair for herself and quite fancies some for the kids too...

After about 30 minutes, we wonder out of the store... on the way past the cash desk I see FIVE staff members with bugger all to do standing around chatting. Feeling sorry for the poor kid up the back, I tell them about the queues for shoes.

Their total lack of interest still makes me cringe as all five of us walk out of the store with still no interest from the staff even after pointing out that we want to buy about £200 worth of shoes...

No apologies whatsoever.
(Tue 17th May 2005, 23:53, More)

» Claims to Fame

Steve McFadden
(Phil from Eastenders) came to my Karaoke gig in Milton Keynes just before christmas.

He didn't sing though.
(Mon 28th Feb 2005, 19:08, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Sorry if these have been done already
... I've read a lot of them, you know...

Some Essex girl jokes (not really that sick though)

Q. What does an Essex girl and a washing machine have in common?
A. They both dripped when they're fucked.

Q. What does an Essex girl use for protection?
A. A bus shelter.

Q. How does an Essex girl turn the light on after sex?
A. She opens the car door.

Sorry if you're female and from Essex. Replace the word with Chav to bring the jokes up to date.
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 16:22, More)