» Well, that taught 'em

Not me but...
A guy were I work who drives one of the vans, delivering parcels. I can't remember what his name is 'cos I don't work with the vans but namelessness aside I shall get on with the story.

The guy was making deliveries somewhere in the CT postcode area, can't remember where exactly but it's a bit of a shit-hole, when another bloke with a van waves him down and asks him if he's got any jump leads to start his van up again.

The guy from work being a decent fellow says sure, at which point 3 other people jump out of stranded-man's van and advance on him demanding that he hand over the keys of his van so they can steal it, parcels and all.

Little did they know that the guy from work is not only build like a brick shithouse but a blackbelt in karate, 2 of the people who tried to jump him ended up in hospital and the 2 who ran off got arrested later on when the hospitalised ones grassed them up.

That'll learn 'em!
(Sun 29th Apr 2007, 20:27, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

Pub tales.
My brother, uncle and I drink at a pub called 'The White Horse Inn' in a village called Boughton-Under-Blean, the pub is very much haunted. I personally haven't been there to witness any of the ghostly goings on but there are lots of people who confirm they did actually happen. Here be a list of the ones I know of at the moment.

1. One Christmas eve my brother, uncle and several other people were in the pub, my uncle was helping out behind the bar as the landlord at the time was short-staffed. As it was Christmas eve there were decorations up around the pub and down one side of the bar there were a series of paper-chains hanging from the ceiling which you would be facing if you were behind the bar. My uncle was pouring a pint for somebody when he stopped and pointed towards the paper-chains, everyone turned around and each individual chain swayed from side to side, one after the other as if somebody had walked under them and brushed them and they went. No windows of anything were open so it couldn't have been a draft or anything like that.

2. One of the staff was vacuuming the upstairs rooms and somebody kept pulling the plug out of the wall socket as soon as the vacuum was switched on.

3. My uncle opened a door that had been locked moments before without him realising so that he could go through to the smaller of the two bars so he could get some cigarettes and came back again but as somebody else tried the door when he came back and it was locked again.

4. One of the landlords of the pub was a South African guy who used to be a police man, was built like the proverbial brick shit-house and was scared of practically nothing. He was doing something in the kitchen of the pub on his own and he swears blind that someone climbed out of the oven and walked across the kitchen and out through the wall, he refused to go in the kitchen again and left the pub soon after.

It's entirely likely that there are lots of other stories about the place and it used to be an old coach house and has burnt down about 3 times in it's history. And the houses across the road from it used to be a morgue apparently.
(Sun 6th Jul 2008, 21:38, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

James.
There was this kid I went to school with, James was his name and he was a tad weird.
Once he shaved off both his eyebrows for no apparent reason.
We went on a week long french trip, probably something to do with GCSEs, and went to a place called 'Futuroscope' (a theme park based around the moving image apparently) where he decided he was going to steal as much as he could from the gift shop, one item at a time.
And the one that probably takes the biscuit is during a chemistry class when he drank copper sulphate because someone dared him too, he got sent to the hospital when he finished throwing up and we didn't see him for a day or so. When he came back someone asked what copper sulphate tastes like and his exact words were "You know when lick a brick, it tastes like that"
He did other strange things but I can't recall them at the moment.
(Sun 21st Jan 2007, 17:49, More)

» Insults

In the warehouse...
Where I work insults are shouted at each other quite frequently, more for something to do rather than anything else. They tend to just be various words strung together in an attempt to sound offensive, only today I was called a 'panda raping toaster', to which my reply was 'Well, your a wang flavoured, cork-screw eating dishwasher salesman...with no legs." We do get some funny looks in out warehouse.
(Mon 8th Oct 2007, 22:27, More)

» Cheap Tat

Not cheap but definately tat.
If you find yourself at any point deciding that you want to take up the great (read lazy) sport of darts you will be wanting to find yourself some nice throwing arrows that are comfortable to throw. You may be tempted to go to one of the various high-street sports shops that sell darts and get some of the posh nickel/silver/gold plated darts that are endorsed by the likes of Phil Taylor and so on but I urge you not too. For a start they are normally about £25 for set and secondly what they say they weight on the pack will not be their actual weight, a guy I know who runs a proper darts shop got a couple of sets and weight them all up, they were supposed to be 27grams but none of the 3 from either set actually were. You can get cheaper and better quality darts from a proper dart shop, mine cost £15 and are great.

Length? Depends how big your hands are, don't want your darts too short to throw properly.
(Sun 6th Jan 2008, 19:52, More)