b3ta.com user fuckstockings
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» Inappropriate crushes

Plump
servers in British pubs, with an overbite but preferably a lisp. Perhaps its the way they handle those long smooth taps or maybe the pleasure that gushes from a night-out.
I'm in Canada and have never been specific about my love for Coronation Street to anyone.
My mother and, of course all my aunts and female cousins are from Glasgow but let's not go there...
(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 5:35, More)

» Unexpected Good Fortune

Heroin=Concert for Blind People
I was working in Toronto Canada when Keith Richards was busted at the airport for (insert name of any illegal substance here, think it was H) The court ordered him to do a concert for the blind, go figure, and from my corner office on the morning tickets went on sale, I watched the long, un-moving line at a ticket outlet inside a nearby shopping mall. AS my buddy & I went to rubberneck the situation from the outside it was announced that there were no more tickets to be sold, other than the people immediately in front of the ticket counter. In the ensuing near riot the fans inside tried to rush the counter and the police had to rush and form a cordon in front of them My bud & I simply stepped over the containing rope, joined the customers being served, and bought 6 tickets (the max). Back at work we scalped 4 tickets for a small fortune and went ourselves to the concert. It was held in a small civic auditorium & rumors were it would be Richards & Peter Tosh backing him. Amongst a pack of blind people we easily pushed our way to stage-side and were thrilled when the whole band appeared as the stage lights went up. The Stones played a full concert & debued "Some Girls" What a class act. Kudos forever......
(Fri 15th Sep 2006, 7:01, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

I lied
all the way through school about everything I could but I've stopped now, honest.
(Sat 20th Jan 2007, 6:01, More)

» Useless advice

"Don't...
put anything in yer ear smaller than yer elbow !"
Spent years tring to fit even my elbow in until the day came when I started trying to put other body parts into girls.
(Sat 21st Oct 2006, 9:38, More)

» My Greatest Regrets

Short-sighted high morals...
At the height of my career as a graphic artist and hand-lettering go-to guy, I was approached to copy a university official's signiature to a phony diploma for the son of an African ruler...$2000 Canadian for 10 minutes work. I guess I was overpaid at the time and now ,having set aside my work because of illness, and living on a stipend, I recognize conceit as a basis for morality...not very funny or lighthearted but hey- you asked.
(Fri 6th Oct 2006, 9:14, More)
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