» Shops and Supermarkets

Gratuitious gratuity
I once got tipped by a customer for carrying his purchases out of the department store. I wasn't allowed back in through the customer door "for security reasons" or I would be sacked, and so had to walk around the back of the next block to the staff entrance. Once back in, I let it slip I had been tipped a fiver. I was told I wasn't allowed to keep tips and had to hand over my ill-gotten gains or I would be fired for insubordination.

Says a lot about the British service sector - do a good job and you will be fucked over by your manager.
(Mon 14th May 2012, 21:06, More)

» Shops and Supermarkets


One of my less illustrious career moves was selling department store Xmas trees. It was the kind of work which attracted uptight control freaks who managed departments with their dessicated, humourless schoolmistress attitude and all the customers were menopausal housewives who only came in to pick fault with something and nag the hapless drones running the shop. I remember whilst speaking politely to one moany customer I accidentally gobbed in her eye (I was genuinely trying to help her) and she ran shrieking out of the shop. These people would come in and spend ridiculous amounts of cash on assorted Xmas tat - animatronic Santas, extravagant decorations which cost a week's worth of my wages etc. One such Yuletide treat were the Xmas snowglobes. An assistant was sent down to the stockroom to retrieve one of these vile baubles for a particularly snippy customer. He returned in a hurry, eager to please; the box popped open and the snowglobe shattered on the counter, spilling fake snow and fluid all over the woman's frock. In an ejaculation of professional aplomb, the assistant shouted "Oh SHIT!". The customer stormed out in a cloud of exasperation.
(Mon 14th May 2012, 20:45, More)

» Buses

Disability awareness
London bus drivers who have to drive buses with retractable wheelchair ramps but haven't been sent on one of those pesky diversity courses (where they learn to treat disabled people like humans instead of animals).

One bus driver stops his bus out in middle of the road, sticks out the ramp and then gets all huffy because the bloke in the wheelchair wants to get off on the pavement, rather than be deposited in the gutter. After much harrumphing, he refuses to move the bus and yells down "IS THE WHEELCHAIR GETTING OFF OR WHAT?"

London bus drivers are right old bastards.
(Thu 25th Jun 2009, 23:38, More)

» Mistaken Identity

Apparently I look like David Tennant
Even my mum thinks I do.

Someone in the pub thought I was him.
A couple of 9-year-old kids on the bus thought I was him (if I had a Tardis I wouldn't be taking a bloody bus would I?).

Not very interesting though.
(Sat 2nd Jun 2007, 1:51, More)

» Shops and Supermarkets

Non-lardy Scummerfield
In Scummerfield I was looking for a pack of lard. I had to ask one of the drones - he didn't know what lard was.
(Sun 13th May 2012, 21:26, More)