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» Political Correctness Gone Mad
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.
Both subsequently died in the ambulance and their Regional Primary Care Trust set up an enquiry, chaired by Simple Simon, which came to the following conclusions:
1. The 50-mile journey to the nearest casualty department was in the couple's "best interests".
2. The fact that there was no local bed in which Jack could mend his head was "unfortunate" but no targets had been breached and he had been offered an "appropriate" choice.
3. The lack of vinegar and brown paper was not "material" to Jack's death as Government's (England only) quango, the National Institute for Clinical Excellence ("NICE"), [otherwise known as Drug-rationing In England ("DIE")] had not yet decided whether such treatment was cheap enough to be used in England (although it is freely available on the Scottish and Welsh National Health Services). In any case both the "brown paper" nurse and the "vinegar" nurse were away on diversity awareness courses and so were rightly unavailable.
4. Doctor Foster, Jack and Jill's GP, was most to blame and should be suspended and referred forthwith to the General Medical Council as he had:
a. Not reported Jack and Jill's lackof water to Social Services;
b. Failed to diagnose that anyone going UP the hill to fetch a pail of water must have "severe learning difficulties".
c. Had not involved the "Falls" Coordinator which resulted in no "Risk Assessment" being done for the risk of Jill tumbling after Jack.Dr Foster'sGMC disciplinary hearing has been convenedin Gloucester; he is setting off for it now and hoping for fine weather!
(Wed 28th Nov 2007, 17:12, More)
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.
Both subsequently died in the ambulance and their Regional Primary Care Trust set up an enquiry, chaired by Simple Simon, which came to the following conclusions:
1. The 50-mile journey to the nearest casualty department was in the couple's "best interests".
2. The fact that there was no local bed in which Jack could mend his head was "unfortunate" but no targets had been breached and he had been offered an "appropriate" choice.
3. The lack of vinegar and brown paper was not "material" to Jack's death as Government's (England only) quango, the National Institute for Clinical Excellence ("NICE"), [otherwise known as Drug-rationing In England ("DIE")] had not yet decided whether such treatment was cheap enough to be used in England (although it is freely available on the Scottish and Welsh National Health Services). In any case both the "brown paper" nurse and the "vinegar" nurse were away on diversity awareness courses and so were rightly unavailable.
4. Doctor Foster, Jack and Jill's GP, was most to blame and should be suspended and referred forthwith to the General Medical Council as he had:
a. Not reported Jack and Jill's lackof water to Social Services;
b. Failed to diagnose that anyone going UP the hill to fetch a pail of water must have "severe learning difficulties".
c. Had not involved the "Falls" Coordinator which resulted in no "Risk Assessment" being done for the risk of Jill tumbling after Jack.Dr Foster'sGMC disciplinary hearing has been convenedin Gloucester; he is setting off for it now and hoping for fine weather!
(Wed 28th Nov 2007, 17:12, More)
» Evil Pranks
Bright Spark
Just remembered a "gud 'un" as they say in the Midlands.
Now my old man used to work as a welder in the days of yore, welding huge boiler tanks.
Now for those who dont know MMA welders work by passing electrical current into steel to melt (weld) it together. There are two main parts, the bit that holds the rod and a clip (kinda like a big crocodile clip). Electricity being as it is and always taking the shortest route, it is completely safe to touch the steel that your welding so long as the clip is closer to the rod than you are.
Right welding lesson over!
One of the lads, Steve we shall call him was sitting astride ("a la cowboy") a large tanker and running a seam of weld along the tank.
His friends (well ex friends now) thought it would be hilarious to distract his attention and while his attention was drawn remove said clip and place it onto the boiler tank !behind! his jeans clad ass.
Distraction over, the fastidious Steve returns to the task in hand and puts rod to steel right where he left off. Woops
He sent a lightning bolt straight through his tackle, he went a very funny shade of white and slowly (almost slo-mo) and silently slid from the side of the tank into a crumped heap on the floor. Feinted for a minute too.
After making sure he was conscious etc. We pick the poor lad from the ground and manage to convince him to inspect the damage,
His left nut is now the size of a small grapefruit and completely eclipsing the rest of his tackle as the rest had decided to go the opposite way.
Needless to say the 3 lads who moved the clip never owned up to doing it!
Steve has made a full recovery!
Apologies for length, but its a lot bigger than Steves!!!!!!!!!
(Wed 19th Dec 2007, 13:40, More)
Bright Spark
Just remembered a "gud 'un" as they say in the Midlands.
Now my old man used to work as a welder in the days of yore, welding huge boiler tanks.
Now for those who dont know MMA welders work by passing electrical current into steel to melt (weld) it together. There are two main parts, the bit that holds the rod and a clip (kinda like a big crocodile clip). Electricity being as it is and always taking the shortest route, it is completely safe to touch the steel that your welding so long as the clip is closer to the rod than you are.
Right welding lesson over!
One of the lads, Steve we shall call him was sitting astride ("a la cowboy") a large tanker and running a seam of weld along the tank.
His friends (well ex friends now) thought it would be hilarious to distract his attention and while his attention was drawn remove said clip and place it onto the boiler tank !behind! his jeans clad ass.
Distraction over, the fastidious Steve returns to the task in hand and puts rod to steel right where he left off. Woops
He sent a lightning bolt straight through his tackle, he went a very funny shade of white and slowly (almost slo-mo) and silently slid from the side of the tank into a crumped heap on the floor. Feinted for a minute too.
After making sure he was conscious etc. We pick the poor lad from the ground and manage to convince him to inspect the damage,
His left nut is now the size of a small grapefruit and completely eclipsing the rest of his tackle as the rest had decided to go the opposite way.
Needless to say the 3 lads who moved the clip never owned up to doing it!
Steve has made a full recovery!
Apologies for length, but its a lot bigger than Steves!!!!!!!!!
(Wed 19th Dec 2007, 13:40, More)
» Best Films Ever
Favourite Film
Cant believe it aint been mentioned already! - The Usual Suspects. Ok it loses something when you know the ending but the first time was wicked for me. (Not many can say that)
(Thu 17th Jul 2008, 15:47, More)
Favourite Film
Cant believe it aint been mentioned already! - The Usual Suspects. Ok it loses something when you know the ending but the first time was wicked for me. (Not many can say that)
(Thu 17th Jul 2008, 15:47, More)
» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?
My Finger
My finger looking like this was the most freak sh*t i ever saw!
Seriously!
Top that motherfunkies!
(Stupid inane answer about lack of length here!)
(Mon 25th Jun 2007, 20:45, More)
My Finger
My finger looking like this was the most freak sh*t i ever saw!
Seriously!
Top that motherfunkies!
(Stupid inane answer about lack of length here!)
(Mon 25th Jun 2007, 20:45, More)
» Personal Ads
Hot or not!
You know i was on that years ago and it got addictive, i am not particpating! Well especially not after seeing GrandMasterFluffles in the 40s! She is gorgeous!!!!
(Tue 18th Sep 2007, 13:50, More)
Hot or not!
You know i was on that years ago and it got addictive, i am not particpating! Well especially not after seeing GrandMasterFluffles in the 40s! She is gorgeous!!!!
(Tue 18th Sep 2007, 13:50, More)