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Recent front page messages:

Dan Brown gets the book sales chart sewn up (repost)

(Thu 7th Sep 2017, 10:18, More)

An elegant weapon, not as clumsy or random as a blaster...

(Tue 12th Jan 2016, 12:34, More)

Internet now available mail order in cassette form, 48k at a time

(Mon 31st Mar 2008, 18:19, More)

Undertaker Regrets Granting Dying Wish


(A few days late and probably been done...)
(Thu 6th Dec 2007, 19:44, More)

In the Days Before Computer Graphics


Another one
(Mon 16th Jul 2007, 10:34, More)

Top Trumps Deities


The game does drag on a bit...
(Tue 3rd Oct 2006, 10:55, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Stuff I've found

EXT. PETROL STATION - DAY.
SALVADORE'S GIRLFRIEND sits in the passenger seat waiting. She drums her fingers and rolls her eyes impatiently.

Finally, SALVADORE comes out of the petrol station. But then he stops to chat to an ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN who is wearing shorts and a bikini top.

Salvadore's Girlfriend looks annoyed.

Salvadore ostentatiously takes a £50 note out of his pocket and gives it to the Attractive Young Woman, who hugs him - a real tight bear hug.

Salvadore's Girlfriend stares in disbelief.

Salvadore strolls back to the car with a satisfied smile on his face.

Salvadore's Girlfriend looks grim - this is going to take some explaining, and it had better not be another of his ridiculous "And that, darling, is what really happened" stories.


CUT TO:

INT. PETROL STATION UNISEX TOILET - DAY (THREE MINUTES EARLIER).

Salvadore spots a £50 note on the floor.
(Sun 9th Nov 2008, 15:18, More)

» Gambling

Christmas at my girlfriend’s parents’.
Playing poker.

There are just three of us left in:
– My girlfriend’s “Monday night is cards night” cousin,
– Me - maybe not quite such a card sharp, but I did once play poker every lunchtime for a year, and I reckon that my knowledge of probabilities will help me,
– My girlfriend’s mum who appears to have never played any card game before in her life. When she deals, there’s an even chance that we won’t all have the same number of cards, or someone will be trying to get a pair for the Rules of Bridge card. Her attempt at a riffle shuffle nearly blinds half the table. She is either very, very bad at cards or very, very good at bluffing.

The three of us have been locked into the final rounds for over an hour, and my girlfriend's mum has just asked if she gets anything for all her cards being the same colour. Other choice lines from her this evening have been “What’s a flush again?” (more rounds than not) and “Two pairs? Oh, well done. I only had three nines.”

Do you really need me to tell you who won?
(Sat 9th May 2009, 13:33, More)

» Cringe!

More than a little embarrassing
A few years ago I was at a seminar which included a large proportion of people with disabilities. During a break a little person read my nametag and said "Ah, I've been looking out for you. Apparently we both know..." and he named a good friend of mine.

"Really?" I replied. "Small world."
(Wed 3rd Dec 2008, 17:10, More)

» Puns

I really wanted to win this QOTW...
So I submitted ten puns. But when I checked to see if any had won no pun in ten did.
(Fri 6th Mar 2009, 15:45, More)