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- a member for 17 years, 6 months and 15 days
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» Evil Pranks
Supply teacher
When I was in school in the Sudan, we had this supply teacher from Britain who none of us could stand. In particular, she used to pick on me and my mate because we always used to mess around at the back. One day I overheard the deputy head telling her she ought to lighten up a bit and do something to up her popularity with the class.
So next day, she turns up with this stupid bear and tells us we've got to vote on a name for it. Payback time! I got them all together and we voted for 'Mohammed', saying it was the name of the most popular boy in the class. You should have seen the silly fat cow's face when the religious police turned up a week later and did her for blasphemy. She got a week in prison before getting deported. Now that's what I call a result.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 12:59, More)
Supply teacher
When I was in school in the Sudan, we had this supply teacher from Britain who none of us could stand. In particular, she used to pick on me and my mate because we always used to mess around at the back. One day I overheard the deputy head telling her she ought to lighten up a bit and do something to up her popularity with the class.
So next day, she turns up with this stupid bear and tells us we've got to vote on a name for it. Payback time! I got them all together and we voted for 'Mohammed', saying it was the name of the most popular boy in the class. You should have seen the silly fat cow's face when the religious police turned up a week later and did her for blasphemy. She got a week in prison before getting deported. Now that's what I call a result.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 12:59, More)
» Political Correctness Gone Mad
Political correctness means...
...that I never have to watch the Black and White minstrels ever again, except on documentaries about how shit life used to be.
...that I have a fascinating social life involving people of all ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations and religious convictions, who feel free to live their lives without fear of censure.
... and that I have the pleasure of knowing that millions of Daily Mail readers will have read something that upsets them before they've finished their breakfast.
(Fri 23rd Nov 2007, 16:51, More)
Political correctness means...
...that I never have to watch the Black and White minstrels ever again, except on documentaries about how shit life used to be.
...that I have a fascinating social life involving people of all ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations and religious convictions, who feel free to live their lives without fear of censure.
... and that I have the pleasure of knowing that millions of Daily Mail readers will have read something that upsets them before they've finished their breakfast.
(Fri 23rd Nov 2007, 16:51, More)
» Conspiracy theory nutters
Around 2003.
There was this nutter on UK TV a few years ago. Claimed that the president of Iraq was conspiring with Al-Qaeda to supply chemical weapons and could bomb London in 45 minutes. All total bollocks of course.
Think he was called Blair or something ...
(Thu 27th Aug 2009, 18:11, More)
Around 2003.
There was this nutter on UK TV a few years ago. Claimed that the president of Iraq was conspiring with Al-Qaeda to supply chemical weapons and could bomb London in 45 minutes. All total bollocks of course.
Think he was called Blair or something ...
(Thu 27th Aug 2009, 18:11, More)
» Pathological Liars
Paxman, Elvis et al.
1) When I was in the SAS in the 1980s I knew a bloke who swore blind his dad was once a roadie for the Rolling Stones.
2) Anyone who trained to be an astronaut on the Space Shuttle Columbia (luckily, I was invalided out due to a injured knee) will remember the techician called 'Paxo' because he insisted he'd met Jeremy Paxman in a pub.
3) I used to play golf with Bill Clinton. We used to amuse guests in the club house by getting the barman to recount his frankly ridiculous story about how his sister was a female Elvis impersonator.
(Tue 4th Dec 2007, 12:53, More)
Paxman, Elvis et al.
1) When I was in the SAS in the 1980s I knew a bloke who swore blind his dad was once a roadie for the Rolling Stones.
2) Anyone who trained to be an astronaut on the Space Shuttle Columbia (luckily, I was invalided out due to a injured knee) will remember the techician called 'Paxo' because he insisted he'd met Jeremy Paxman in a pub.
3) I used to play golf with Bill Clinton. We used to amuse guests in the club house by getting the barman to recount his frankly ridiculous story about how his sister was a female Elvis impersonator.
(Tue 4th Dec 2007, 12:53, More)
» Accidental animal cruelty
whoops!
Me and my chums were riding innocently around my estate with a pack of ravenous fox hounds, when dash it, the rascals accidently ripped to pieces a nearby fox. Luckily, I explained my predicament local chief of police over a G+T or two later. Being a reasonable fellow, he understood and thus I escaped prosecution.
(Thu 6th Dec 2007, 12:22, More)
whoops!
Me and my chums were riding innocently around my estate with a pack of ravenous fox hounds, when dash it, the rascals accidently ripped to pieces a nearby fox. Luckily, I explained my predicament local chief of police over a G+T or two later. Being a reasonable fellow, he understood and thus I escaped prosecution.
(Thu 6th Dec 2007, 12:22, More)