» The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis

a "my mate" story (but this time it;s true)
The stage: Reading Festival, the year just after bluetooth phones had been introduced.

The scene. Bunch of us wandering blindly round the tents blasted out of our heads.

The penis. My mate has a look for bluetooth devices on his phone and discovers 37 of them. Wow! What can we do about that? In a flash of brilliance he undoes his belt and sticks his phone down the front of his pants, takes a photo of his todger and sends it off on it;s merry way via bluetooth. We crouch down (drop to the floor giggling and holding onto each other for support) and listen for the response.

"Oh wow! I got a bluetooth!" someone close to us cries. "Let me see" cries his friend. "Ewww!" "WTF!" and other sounds of disgust are suddenly heard, success! Then we hear a girls voice pipe up "But it's so small"

We almost died from laughing that night.

37 bluetooth devices.....
(Thu 12th Mar 2009, 14:46, More)

» Call Centres

IT Helpdesk
It's me job. Can be very frustrating and very amusing.

I can fix most problems that don;t require physical tech support over the phone. It's just a matter of finding the level of understanding of the customer without crossing the line into becoming a condacending techy.

The big problem arises from trying to work out what the problem is. No matter what the user says the problem is probably something else.

Some classic ones are:

"I can't access the internet" (monitor turned off)

"I can't print this document" (user has forgotton password to log on)

"My PC is on but the server is off" (The monitor is on but the PC is off)

"I can't send any emails" (the wireless mouse's battery has run out)

"My mouse doesn't work" (The office has been moved round. The users old PC has been disconencted and put to the side to be collected for disposal. The user is sitting at her old desk, infront of her old CRT monitor with a "To Be Disposed" sticker on it's screen, flailing around with an unconnected mouse and keyboard she'd picked up from the rubbish bin. Behind her, her new PC has been connected, powered on and is sitting on her new desk that has her nameplate on)
(Wed 9th Sep 2009, 13:29, More)

» Mums

My mum has a weird pyshcic connection with my sister
You can't play games like Scattagories with them on the same team. Well you can but the randomness of what they say and how quickly they they get the right words is really scary. Here's my fav example:

Mum: "Not a mountain."
Sis: "A bee?"
Mum: "Yes!"

I wish I could say that I'm making this up but I'm not.
(Thu 11th Feb 2010, 14:32, More)

» Redundant technology

I recently threw away my collection of printed pronography
I gathered all my mags up and chucked them in a bin bag and dumped it in my neighbours bin. As I did so I felt a tear course down my cheek. There was no point of leaving the collection in the woods for kids to find, cherish and masturbate furiously to. Bloody new fangled internet ruining the traditions of the past.
(Thu 4th Nov 2010, 16:37, More)

» Letters they'll never read

Dear Helen Keller
.. -... . - -.-- --- ..- .----. .-. . --. --- -. -. .- .... .- ...- . .- .... .- .-. -.. - .. -- . .-. . .- -.. .. -. --. - .... .. ... .-.-.-
(Thu 4th Mar 2010, 14:11, More)