Profile for Dave!:
i like to produce music i do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vP_Iu0HIKXQ - Swoosh
http://www.b3ta.com/links/381171 - FUCK YES!! ONE of my songs got onto /popular!
Cheers all :)
I've made many others, you can see them on my poo toob page www.youtube.com/b3tard
My first popular: http://b3ta.com/talk/6434020 :(
From CHB for my 3rd b3taday :D
http://www.b3ta.com/talk/5786888
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Hi im Dave, your resident retard/speedcore producer
i like to produce music i do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vP_Iu0HIKXQ - Swoosh
http://www.b3ta.com/links/381171 - FUCK YES!! ONE of my songs got onto /popular!
Cheers all :)
I've made many others, you can see them on my poo toob page www.youtube.com/b3tard
My first popular: http://b3ta.com/talk/6434020 :(
From CHB for my 3rd b3taday :D
http://www.b3ta.com/talk/5786888
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» IT Support
In my school
I'm something called a 'Student technician', So like the student version of IT Support. I love it! i get free hardware, can ban people AND Get told to fuck up the school network.
There is one thing i hate about my 'Job'
Chavs
Nearly every fucking period that we get to use the PC's, i get shouted at. "DAVE, HOW DO I DO IT." and "DAVE ITS GONE WRONG" and "DAVE MY PC HAS FROZEN HELP" are all the fucking questions i get swamped with every day.
But there is one Chav, who is the queen of all chavs.
Trixie
She wears pink, constantly. Always sucking on a fucking lollipop, wears 20 tones of make-up all the time, wears MASSIVE High-heels and smells like booze and weed everytime we come into contact.
Anyway, I was writing some instructions on word as part of my course-work. i could hear her shout to the teacher, "OI, MISS, HELP ME" constantly for about 10 minutes. My teacher just ignored her, good for him! But the inevitable happened
"OI, DAVE! COME ERE"
Being the helpful type and the fact that i had finished everything i had to do, i thought Fuck it. And went over to her.
"DAVE, How can you type so fast, and i do it so slow *kisses teeth*" She said
"Well, its practice really" I said
"No its not, you're cheating i can see you"
"Err, no im not, i can just type fast, Google touch-typing and learn yourself! Its really easy"
Now, i think this is a reasonable response, yes?
"NO DAVE, YOU ARE CHEATING, TELL ME OR I WILL GO FUCKING MENTAL" She shouted back at me
"Woah, just learn"
"NO TELL ME!"
"I just did!"
"FUCK YOU!!!"
At that moment, she ripped out the keyboard from the back of the PC And smashed it into the Monitor,
"FUCK YOU DAVE YOU MASSIVE BOFF" She screamed at me and then smashed the key-board on the table. By this point every person in the room was looking at her. It took about 4 people to restrain her from doing anything else. She caused about £300's worth of damaged, and got pissed 'Because she broke one of her expensive nails' (Yes, really) But my teacher put the icing on the cake when she said
"Trixie, you really are a retard cunt"
The entire class erupted in laughter, She then proceeded to storm out of the class, and then out of the school. I never saw her again.
Well, that was hilarious.
After the lesson, my teacher and i was called to the heads office to explain what happened. I gave my statement and so did he. The head piped up to say
"Mr. xxx, it seems you called trixie an obscenity after this event" said the head
"Yes, im sorry i did. I have to admit to that." My teacher replied. My teacher is ace i wouldn't want him to be suspended after a little cunt had a go at me
But then, the head shook his hand and said
"Good man!!" We all laughed and went on about this stupid excuse for a person for about half-an-hour. At the end she gave me a Permanent early lunch pass, meaning i get to cut the que at the canteen.
One of the best days ever. :)
(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 19:49, More)
In my school
I'm something called a 'Student technician', So like the student version of IT Support. I love it! i get free hardware, can ban people AND Get told to fuck up the school network.
There is one thing i hate about my 'Job'
Chavs
Nearly every fucking period that we get to use the PC's, i get shouted at. "DAVE, HOW DO I DO IT." and "DAVE ITS GONE WRONG" and "DAVE MY PC HAS FROZEN HELP" are all the fucking questions i get swamped with every day.
But there is one Chav, who is the queen of all chavs.
Trixie
She wears pink, constantly. Always sucking on a fucking lollipop, wears 20 tones of make-up all the time, wears MASSIVE High-heels and smells like booze and weed everytime we come into contact.
Anyway, I was writing some instructions on word as part of my course-work. i could hear her shout to the teacher, "OI, MISS, HELP ME" constantly for about 10 minutes. My teacher just ignored her, good for him! But the inevitable happened
"OI, DAVE! COME ERE"
Being the helpful type and the fact that i had finished everything i had to do, i thought Fuck it. And went over to her.
"DAVE, How can you type so fast, and i do it so slow *kisses teeth*" She said
"Well, its practice really" I said
"No its not, you're cheating i can see you"
"Err, no im not, i can just type fast, Google touch-typing and learn yourself! Its really easy"
Now, i think this is a reasonable response, yes?
"NO DAVE, YOU ARE CHEATING, TELL ME OR I WILL GO FUCKING MENTAL" She shouted back at me
"Woah, just learn"
"NO TELL ME!"
"I just did!"
"FUCK YOU!!!"
At that moment, she ripped out the keyboard from the back of the PC And smashed it into the Monitor,
"FUCK YOU DAVE YOU MASSIVE BOFF" She screamed at me and then smashed the key-board on the table. By this point every person in the room was looking at her. It took about 4 people to restrain her from doing anything else. She caused about £300's worth of damaged, and got pissed 'Because she broke one of her expensive nails' (Yes, really) But my teacher put the icing on the cake when she said
"Trixie, you really are a retard cunt"
The entire class erupted in laughter, She then proceeded to storm out of the class, and then out of the school. I never saw her again.
Well, that was hilarious.
After the lesson, my teacher and i was called to the heads office to explain what happened. I gave my statement and so did he. The head piped up to say
"Mr. xxx, it seems you called trixie an obscenity after this event" said the head
"Yes, im sorry i did. I have to admit to that." My teacher replied. My teacher is ace i wouldn't want him to be suspended after a little cunt had a go at me
But then, the head shook his hand and said
"Good man!!" We all laughed and went on about this stupid excuse for a person for about half-an-hour. At the end she gave me a Permanent early lunch pass, meaning i get to cut the que at the canteen.
One of the best days ever. :)
(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 19:49, More)
» Call Centres
I sometimes get calls from T-mobile on my phone
I have never understood this, i'm with 3
A few days ago i did have an amusing one
So, i just carry on
"Hello, is this *so and so*"
"Err, sorry no this is her sons phone"
"Oh thats great!, now to prove your identity, i need your account number with us"
Now, i have no idea if i even had one, so i do what i do best. Annoy people.
ME "Oh wait, i think my mum is here"
"Oh great, can you put her on?"
*gives phone to friend*
"THIS IS THE COLNOL SPEAKING"
"Hello! Are you intr-"
"THE COLNOL IS NAKED"
"Im sorry, what?"
"THE COLNOL HAS ACKNOLAGED YOUR OFFER"
"Oh good! So you know-"
"THE COLNOL IS GOOD"
"Im sorry, i did-"
"THE COLNOL IS GOD
*me laughing*
"Right, are you serious about this before i can continue?"
"*skkdsks* Sorry, my mum is under alot of stress"
"I can see."
"Want to speak to my brother?"
"Ok then, if thats best"
At this point my mate tries a different approach, he rings up one of those gay-chat lines on his phone, and puts his phone on speaker next to the phone with the cold-caller
"Hello there this is is *name*from t-mo-"
"Alright sexy, get your pants off and get ready for a wanking"
*click*
Best. Thing. Ever.
(Tue 8th Sep 2009, 21:01, More)
I sometimes get calls from T-mobile on my phone
I have never understood this, i'm with 3
A few days ago i did have an amusing one
So, i just carry on
"Hello, is this *so and so*"
"Err, sorry no this is her sons phone"
"Oh thats great!, now to prove your identity, i need your account number with us"
Now, i have no idea if i even had one, so i do what i do best. Annoy people.
ME "Oh wait, i think my mum is here"
"Oh great, can you put her on?"
*gives phone to friend*
"THIS IS THE COLNOL SPEAKING"
"Hello! Are you intr-"
"THE COLNOL IS NAKED"
"Im sorry, what?"
"THE COLNOL HAS ACKNOLAGED YOUR OFFER"
"Oh good! So you know-"
"THE COLNOL IS GOOD"
"Im sorry, i did-"
"THE COLNOL IS GOD
*me laughing*
"Right, are you serious about this before i can continue?"
"*skkdsks* Sorry, my mum is under alot of stress"
"I can see."
"Want to speak to my brother?"
"Ok then, if thats best"
At this point my mate tries a different approach, he rings up one of those gay-chat lines on his phone, and puts his phone on speaker next to the phone with the cold-caller
"Hello there this is is *name*from t-mo-"
"Alright sexy, get your pants off and get ready for a wanking"
*click*
Best. Thing. Ever.
(Tue 8th Sep 2009, 21:01, More)
» Advice from Old People
My nan tells me spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
i'm a fucking diabetic.
(Thu 19th Jun 2008, 16:21, More)
My nan tells me spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
i'm a fucking diabetic.
(Thu 19th Jun 2008, 16:21, More)
» Call Centres
I love cold-callers
I pretend that they are sex-lines
EG
CC: "hello there are you intrested in-"
ME: "OH YES, RUB IT GOOD"
ect
(Thu 3rd Sep 2009, 19:57, More)
I love cold-callers
I pretend that they are sex-lines
EG
CC: "hello there are you intrested in-"
ME: "OH YES, RUB IT GOOD"
ect
(Thu 3rd Sep 2009, 19:57, More)
» Buses
When i was 11, and first starting secondery school
I think it was my second day there, and i finally got used to the buses and how much i had to pay and where i get off
So with my return ticket, i borded the bus and quietly said "Return"
Then he said "ID Please", i didnt have any ID I was only 11
I said back to him "Eh? What do you mean"
"You need ID to prove you are a child"
"Whaaaaaaat? I just came out of school, i want to get home!"
"Yes but you need ID"
"I havnt got any ID, im 11 ffs"
"Dont look that to me"
he then told me (the polite way) to bassicly fuck off, and drove off without me
So there i was, no idea where my house was and about 2 hours until the next bus.
What did i do? I went to my frends house who lived down the road, and asked if they could drop me off. They put me though to my mum her first reaction was "Sean, what the hell, did you get thrown out the bus for nhaving no ID?"
"yes mum :("
"They are going to pay for this"
And they did, She went to the local paper about my story and i had a full page article about ME!
They Paid, Alot. They got fined about £20,000 and the bus drover got sacked
Since then been then i have been taking my bike to school, Fuck buses
(Sun 28th Jun 2009, 12:45, More)
When i was 11, and first starting secondery school
I think it was my second day there, and i finally got used to the buses and how much i had to pay and where i get off
So with my return ticket, i borded the bus and quietly said "Return"
Then he said "ID Please", i didnt have any ID I was only 11
I said back to him "Eh? What do you mean"
"You need ID to prove you are a child"
"Whaaaaaaat? I just came out of school, i want to get home!"
"Yes but you need ID"
"I havnt got any ID, im 11 ffs"
"Dont look that to me"
he then told me (the polite way) to bassicly fuck off, and drove off without me
So there i was, no idea where my house was and about 2 hours until the next bus.
What did i do? I went to my frends house who lived down the road, and asked if they could drop me off. They put me though to my mum her first reaction was "Sean, what the hell, did you get thrown out the bus for nhaving no ID?"
"yes mum :("
"They are going to pay for this"
And they did, She went to the local paper about my story and i had a full page article about ME!
They Paid, Alot. They got fined about £20,000 and the bus drover got sacked
Since then been then i have been taking my bike to school, Fuck buses
(Sun 28th Jun 2009, 12:45, More)