» My most treasured possession

Wallet
My Stepdad died of a heartattack one morning a year or so after I'd left home and joined the Air Force, I never got to say goodbye and it still hurts today. Anyway he left me his Rolex, a car and his leather wallet. He always carried his wallet werever he went, it rarely had a great deal of money it it but it was leather and smelled of him. I cherished it more than my own offspring and carried it everywhere I went. Fast forward 20 years.

I've lost it, gone, no idea - not a clue where it is...until the wife finds it......in my jeans, which had been through the wash. The wallet had shrunk in the wash, not a lot but enough to make it difficult to close. For the first time in a long long time I cried, I cried because apart from memories I had destroyed the only link I had to a man who had the guts to take on a wife with three small boys and bring them up as his own. I cried becuase I never said goodbye properly the last time I saw him and most of all I cried becuase my most cherised possesion, my stepdads smell, had gone.

oh fucksocks
(Thu 8th May 2008, 18:17, More)

» Secret Santa

.....Secret Santa in a new job .....fucksox
Well there I was, the new bloke, just posted in before Christmas and didn't know anyone ( as you'd expect ) apart from one bloke I'd met briefly a couple of years ago. Anyway Secret Santa was a new concept for me as the only time I give things to people I don't know/like is when I get taxed every month.

surpise of surprises I got the bloke I hardly knew for my secret santa gifting extravaganza. I think the limit was five quid. The only thing I really knew about this bloke was that he was of the ginger persuasion, and he had a wife and some kids.

So ..ginger..funny for a start anyway...so I bought him a packet of "ginger Nut" biscuits. Fcuking genuis.

And cheap.

Anyway Christmas came early at work and Secret Santa was called, prezzies were exchanged, I got novelty socks, wooo hoo.

giger boy opened his ginger nuts biccys, much derision was poured on the tight fecker who'd only spent a pound or so ( damn right )

But apparently his missus thought it was hysterical, turns out he'd had the snip a month before ......and therefore technically had no "ginger nuts" to speak of
(Wed 27th Dec 2006, 12:11, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

The curse of the bullshitting announcer
A long time ago in a far away land ( yorkshire ) there was a young RAF chappy who had been visiting witht he wifey back home, near Hull. Ok it was me. I was living in the Outer Hebrides which are like the Falkland islands but less culture, for some strange reason the wife decided to stay at the outlaws for a while longer leaving me to make my own way back to Jockland.

It was winter time, wet, cold, and I was stoney broke so was relying on my forces rail warrant to get me back to work.
It didn't start to badly, change at Selby, then York then sit on the east coast line staring at
the "landscape" for several hours, in the BR equivelant fo roadworks. Quite some time passed but to be honest as a young Dad with a wife and 2 kids under the age of 3 it was a nice rest. I picked my nose and daydreamed, read a book then daydreamed and picked my nose.

Eventually the train pulled off (fnaar !!) and we made our way to Edinburgh, this was when the "Curse of the bullshitting announcer" struck

"BING BONG we regret to announce that all passengers hoping to join the 18:00 Whiskey galore express to Glasgow have now missed this connection. However all tickets can be used to travel on the next train to Glasgow"

Relief all round, well for me anyway, but wait I have another train to take me to Paisley yet !! What will I do ??

"BING BONG all passengers hoping to travel to Paisley etc etc will be required to report to a member of customer services when alighting at Glasgow in order to receive further transport"


That was alright then, I returned to my epic nosepicking session. At Edinburgh I changed trains and finally alighted at Glasgow.

At about 22:00 on a Sunday night.

There were no customer services types around, apart from a tramp an me there was no one there.

Fucksox

I had no money on me, I did however have a credit card which may or may not work so I thought I'd chance my arm with a cab.

Making my way to the taxi rank I knew it was a long shot, 10 seconds later I knew it was more a case of "NaefuckingchancesonImnaetakkinganeefookeranywareona manckycreditcardfuckoff"

Or "no sorry" in English

I had to get to the Glasgow airport for a flight in the morning. I had ( still have ) two feet, and legs. So I set off walking.

Now the only time I'd been through Glasgow was on a bus or a train, walking along the train tracks seemed a bit silly so I decided to try the but route which I knew vaguely. It ran a long a dual carriageway, not the best idea really.

To make matters worse it was sleeting constantly, but there were hilights on my walk, namely being tailed by a police car through a town which I now know is Govan, and...well thats about it really.

I made the airport a fewe hours later, pissing wet through and cold, the rest of the journey was easy after that, even though some kind souls decided to wake me up from my comfy bed in a lounge somewhere to ask if I was going to Spain


Fucking Spain ???????????
(Thu 29th May 2008, 17:31, More)

» Pet Peeves

cnuts
Apples, or rather people who eat apples loudly, wankers the lot of them.

Polo mints, they are made to be sucked, not crunched one after another like a fuking derby winner.
Free-loaders
In laws
...oh thats the same thing.


IT contractors who have obviously lied like fuck on their cv, who eat apples noisly, and ham butties, noisly.
(Sun 4th May 2008, 21:38, More)

» IT Support

Just a quickie
I work in IT, not as a desktop printer and mouse monkey but in Application support. It gets a bit dull so to wile away the long hours I read the helpdesk calls.

Just last month I came across the rib tickler

"Email client won't work. When I log in it has an error message saying I have a socket error"

Not too bad you may think, sounds like a switched on guy......however,

"I have tried plugging my cable into all the sockets in the office and still get the same error, please advise"







Length? It would be longer in binary :P
(Sat 26th Sep 2009, 10:44, More)