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They just recently let me out so I'm back after a few years. Don't worry I'm harmless (in a straight jacket, in a padded cell) No seriously did 18 year stint on a helpdesk, went bonkers moved to a desert in Spain in 2008 and came back to sanity (HA HA HA - oh dear the laughter has started already - doctors warned me!) Bored, unemployed and spend most of my day checking out B3TA, it's the Pupps Nutts!

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» Lies that got out of control

A lie that well out of control....
Many moons ago, when I was a wee nipper about 8 or 9. I used to use my dads CB radio when he wasn’t at home during the day, especially during the school holidays. Now bearing in mind I came to England from Rhodesia 1978 the transition from wild out doors to council estate often left me totally bored, so it was obvious I’d get up to no good. So one day on the CB me and a mate Andrew were pissing about winding everyone up when this couple came on chatting about America and how they’d love to go on holiday to visit. I put on a cheesy American accent and spoke into the mike
”Big Bear on the Air, all the way from USA” This couple were most eager to whisk me off to another channel to continue our conversation, and so we did. You name it I lied about it, the food, the cars, the weather and so forth. Eventually after an hour or so of keeping up this pretence they pipe up with.
”Do you fancy an eyeball?” For those of you only used to keyboard communication an eyeball was to meet another party from the CB radio, bit like B3TA piss ups! So my mate is egging me on saying “Yea lets meet them, I’ll be your English cousin and you’re here on holiday” What the fuck I thought, a story to tell the grandkids one day. Off we trundle on our BMX’s (getting ET nostalgia here!) to the local sweetshop where we had arranged to meet. Sure enough they turned up, Ken and Maureen. They were so nice and normal and basically very gullible. I felt ashamed to be fibbing to them but I started this so I’d better keep it up and laugh my fucking head off later telling the story to all my other pals. The meet lasted about 10 mins or so, and I couldn’t wait to get back home, abandon this nasty lie. This poor couple even brought a camera along to take a picture so they could show their friends they had met a yank, augghhhh utter mind piss!! Anyway all said and done we bid our farewells as I’d lied to them and said I going back to the States in a couple of days. Hugs and kisses all round, I felt so guilty. We pissed ourselves later, telling all our mates great wind up. Then one day, maybe a week or so later finishing off dinner, the front door bell rings. I wonder who that can be? “Oh” says my dad, “Nearly forgot, we invited a lovely couple we met in the pub the other night who are also CB fanatics over for drinks” Mother rushes the plates away, dad goes for the door. Now my tiny little brain just uttered a spark and I thought “No” chance in a million (er Allison) it can’t fucking be. As I sat at the table book up to my nose as dad greets the guests in ”Please come in sit down, make yourselves at home, this is our son…..” I peer over the book, God, you complete cunt! Still hiding my face with the book, my dad ushers me over ”Come say hello and put that bloody book down” My mind racing with all the different possible choices to take to get out of this terribly embarrassing situation. I came clean, lowered the book. Should have seen the look on Ken and Maureen’s faces, wish I’d had a fucking camera! I excuse myself sheepishly and say I’ll retire to my room and let my folks enjoy adult time. I heard just as I climbed the stairs Maureen ask mum
“Your son, he’s not American is he?” I covered my ears rushed to my room jumped under the bed wishing it was a bloody bad dream. Cut long story short, if you’re still awake? They buggered off home a few hours later and nothing was said that night until the next day when my dad met me in the kitchen. He just burst out laughing”Big bear on the air” he laughed like a mad man and put his hand out “You are a twat but that was a good prank, Ken and Maureen thought it was fucking hilarious” I still felt like a right proper tit though. No more lies, no more lies …
(Fri 13th Aug 2010, 17:59, More)