» Expensive Mistakes

No horseplay in the Airplane Hangar
A friend worked at a local airport. Forklift drivers were competing to see who could make it round the hangar fastest. One, driving with the forks yea-high, took a bad turn and scraped the radar nose cone off a passenger jet, to a cost of $3-million.
He was charged with negligence, but got off light by suffering a non-fatal heart attack prior to trial.
(Thu 25th Oct 2007, 13:28, More)

» Pathological Liars

Karl. He could break a donkey's rib with his punch.
Name: Karl

Age: 19

Identities: Navy Seal, CIA radio operator and Seattle Police Officer, and was willing to show everyone his Navy Seal, CIA and Police ID to prove it.

Boasts: As a cop, he had once kicked a man to death. But his partner just told him to "Walk away man. Just walk away."

So strong that his punch could "Break a donkey's rib from three inches away."



He produced no donkeys to prove it.
(Thu 29th Nov 2007, 20:37, More)

» Secret Santa

Not-so-secret Dysfunctional Family Christmas
A friend of mine had a schizophrenic brother who spent rather a lot of time sitting around the house eating Cheerios whilst medicated. This raised the ire of his aunt, a former alcoholic.
The family, a large one, rationed presents by havinga gift-recipient lottery. The aunt and nephew drew each other. She, ever the wit, bought him two boxes of Cheerios - regular and honey nut.
Her smug pleasure at mocking his mental disability was short lived. With a giant grin, he handed her her own present - its shape and weight were a giveway. A bottle of wine.
Touche!
(Wed 20th Dec 2006, 20:24, More)

» When Animals Attack

Polar Bear Trepanning
A friend of mine is a biologist who went on a field trip to Northern Manitoba, which is Polar Bear country.

You should understand that despite the Grizzly's reputation, the Polar Bear is the smartest, biggest and most dangerous bear in the world. Standing on their hind legs, they can reach 11 feet tall, they can run 30 miles an hour and they will stalk their prey for days, swimming through lakes, rivers and under the ice of the frozen arctic ocean.

Anyway, the team of biologists had split up leaving one of their colleagues behind. They were heading back to camp when one of them noticed that a bloody great bear was dragging their pal away by his head.

He knew better than to struggle, so he played dead and stayed limp as the bear backed away, dragging him for about a half a mile.

The boys pulled out a high-powered rifle and dispatched the beast, and the biologist survived, though not without four bear-tooth shaped holes in his head.

Which is to say that Steve Irwin is a fucking pussy. Or a right girl's blouse. Or whatever.
(Thu 24th Apr 2008, 18:06, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

My favourite Graffito
Scrawled in permanent marker on the stall wall:

"Wow! I just did a triple coiler!"

That is all.
(Mon 31st Mar 2008, 3:13, More)