» Evil Pranks

Banana torture
My best mate dislikes bananas. No, scratch that, he absolutely hates them.
He doesnt like the look of them, the smell, the tease the feel....you get the picture. Apparently he has always and will always hate them.

He told me once that he refuses to touch them. So to test his hatred I would place bananas on his keyboard, and he would shout at me until I removed them.

Sensing that I could take things further, I would then put a banana on his chair, and watch him use objects to remove it.

I had to go the extra mile, so after being dared by two other workmates, I put a banana in each of his coat pockets, and one in each of his coat sleeves, while he was out of the room.

The horrified look on his face and the tirade of swear words was well worth it.
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 23:02, More)

» My first experience of porn

Sleepover at a mate's house.
It was my best mate's birthday (he must have been 11-ish). He invited a few people from school to his house to sleep over and watch films.

Hell, he even invited girls!

There were about 10 of us (including 3 girls), who all stayed up well past our bed times to watch Dumb & Dumber, followed by Dawn of the Dead. We had play fights, and zipped the girls up in their sleeping bags so they couldnt get out, y'know, just had a laugh.

Anyway, I digress.

One of the lads had an older brother....can you guess where this is going?
Yep, he stole one of his brother's pron mags. I dont know the name of the magazine, cos there was no front cover. And if I remember rightly, a few of the pages couldn't be opened. Ahh, the innocence of childhood.

Us lads were all 'reading' through the magazine while the girlies went and got a drink.

None of us knew that women had hair 'down there', so when the girls got back the friend who brought the pron asked the girls "Why do you have bushes inbetween your legs?"

The girls didnt have a clue what was going on, so this friend stripped and said, "I dont have any hair between my legs, why do you?"

There was a bit of screaming and pointing from the girls, while the rest of us turned away, distgusted.

So, while this friend slept, we got a bowl of cold water, stuck his fingers in it, and made him piss himself. That'll teach him for waving his cock around.

Then the birthday boy stole the pron. Must have wanted it as a birthday present.

Happy days.
(Sat 27th Jan 2007, 12:32, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Cats + Laser pens = hilarity
Cats love laser pens. The little buggers will chase that little red dot for hours.
They will follow it everywhere...and I do mean everywhere.

We have floor length windows in our front room. Me being me, I would draw the curtains, and have little beast 1 and 2 chase the laser dot for a bit, before aiming it at the window.
I thought that they would have the spatial awareness to realise that the wide open spaces end at the curtains, but no, they would run headfirst into the window. Again. And again. And again.
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 22:49, More)

» Shit Claims to Fame II

The Berlin Wall
My shit claim to fame is that I was at the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989...with Timmy Mallett.

The mental children's 'personality' was there, sensing that history was in the making, and that he could be there with a TV crew to get some free airtime.

Me. I was there upon instruciton from my dad, chipping away at the wall with a hammer and a screwdriver (as you do) and I noticed Mallett in the distance - he was harassing German children who didn't have a clue who he was - and stupidly shouted his name out and waved (I was young and stupid, I realise my mistake now!).

Hearing me speak English, he (and the camera crew) raced over, and he proceeded to be mental. He was hitting the wall with Mallett's Mallet (a big foam hammer, for those who don't know), and then hitting me over the head with it.
I was 6. I was being hit over the head by a mental patient with a foam hammer.

I burst into tears and ran to my mum...live on TV.

I had nightmares for years, and even now I get a cold shiver down my spine when I see that bastard's face!!
(Sun 23rd Sep 2012, 22:07, More)

» When were you last really scared?

Midgets/Dwarves/Little People
My best mate's girlfriend is petrified by midgets/dwarves/little people (I dont know which title they prefer).

She freaks out whenever she sees one on tv. When we asked her what was the worst film she'd ever seen, she replied with "Willow. Eugh".

We went to see Jackass 2 at the cinema when it came out. Every time Wee Man came on screen she cringed and turned away. Then there was a scene where Wee Man ran off-screen, only to return a few seconds later, being chased by about 50 Indian midgets/etc/etc. The look on her face was priceless!
(Sat 24th Feb 2007, 17:26, More)