» Pubs

I once went to a pub
As i walked in i noticed something that caught my eye. It was a sign above the bar.
Pint Of Carling - £2.20
Chicken Sandwhich - £3.50
Handjob - £10.00
As you can imagine i was excited to say the least. Especially as the 3 girls working behind the bar were undeniably beautiful.
"shit!" i checked my pockets and found 2 measly pounds! This was not enough. I was a student and times were tough and times were even more tough when you forgot to go to the bank on the way to the local.
I asked round a few aquaintances that i had come to know through uni and eventually reached the needed amount for the one thing that would make my night spectacular.
I walked over to the bar with a huge smile that cherie blair would of been proud of.
I beckoned one of the gorgeous blondes working behind the bar over to where i was stood.
"excuse me, are you one of the girls that gives handjobs?" i asked nervously
"yes i am" she purred
"well wash your fucking hands i want a chicken sandwich"

It tasted delicious. That was a good night.
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 18:00, More)

» The Credit Crunch

I've stopped masturbating into socks
and now just catch it in my hand before washing it off under the tap.
Therefore saving much needed money on;
1-new socks
2-washing powder
Hopefully i'll get a girlfriend soon and she can become my new cumbucket, resulting in pregnancy and then benefits win!

Take THAT Credit Crunch!
(Sun 25th Jan 2009, 2:04, More)

» Hypocrisy

I said the old....
'Would you jump off a bridge if they told you to?' to my little brother

two days after i'd been forced into a charity bungee jump by workmates that i didnt even like.
(Mon 23rd Feb 2009, 12:13, More)

» Darwin Awards

Darwins awards
Royal Medal (1853)
Wollaston Medal (1859)
Copley Medal (1864)
(Fri 13th Feb 2009, 9:36, More)

» Darwin Awards

The Grim Reaper and I have a variety of brushes,
varying in length, width, colour and price.
We paint kittens and unicorns.
ITS SO MUCH FUN!
(Mon 16th Feb 2009, 16:37, More)