» Stupid Dares

Tramadol Hydrochloride
a couple of years back i blagged that i was in an accident to get signed off work for a couple of weeks. I got prescribed 100 x 200mg capsules of tramadol hydrochloride, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tramadol_hydrochloride) which i obviously didn't need.. so i decided to take them down the pub one night.

now we have this mate, jonny, who will pretty much experiment with anything. perfect.

the warning on the package clearly states to take no more than 4 in a 24hr period. a few months later i was actually in pain, and took 4 and was completely out of it for the whole night.

anyway, back to the pub... so we dared jonny to take 10 of these tramadols in different ways whilst he had been drinking. here's how he did them;

x2 swallowed with beer as normal
x2 cracked open & powder snorted off the table
x2 cracked open and poured into his beer
x2 cracked open and put into bag of crisps
x2 mixed with tobacco and smoked in a roll up

this was all done within 10 minutes, 15 minutes after taking them we had moved the discussion on, when suddenly jonny announces that he can't see much and can't really hear properly either. so we send him off home. now bear in mind this is sunday night. next we hear from him is wednesday. it turns out he had gone to bed for 2 whole days, woken up wednesday morning and ridden into work on his pushbike, thinking it was monday morning. Only to recieve a bollocking from his boss about not turning up to work for 2 days. you can imagine his confusion! the poor guy had been asleep from sunday night to wednesday morning!! we pissed ourselves when we found out why he hadn't been answering his phone or door for 2 days! but in hindsight i realise it was a pretty stupid thing to do.
(Thu 1st Nov 2007, 14:28, More)

» Childhood Ambitions

Theme Park Catering
about 4 years ago when i was an innocent 17 year old, i thought it would be brilliant to work at a theme park. fun all day right? Well i used to work in a kids theme park in Windsor (i'll let you guess) I worked in a themed restaurant for a while, but soon got bored of it, so found ways to amuse myself. It worries me that the things i did probably wouldn't amuse a normal person, and when i look back, are in fact downright dangerous.

*when asked to mop the kitchen floor, i kept dipping the mop in the oil catch tray from the deep fat fryers instead of the washing up bucket. the floor was slipier than an ice rink, and my female supervisor went down the instant she set foot on it and had to go to home after damaging her elbow.

*found a dead mouse and hid it in a bowl of chips. the girl who was eating the chips let out a blood curdling scream when she found the said dead mouse in her dinner.

*found a dead pigeon one morning by the fryers, dipped it in batter and fryed it then thought it was funny to place it on display in the front counter/hotplate with the chicken kievs.

*filled the potwash machine so full with detergent that it pissed out of the sides and the whole kitchen was like a foam party.

*made hybrid tea & coffee mixes for the customers, and took great amusement when they didn't even notice.

*anonymously made Cd's for the restaurant with say 10 tracks of nice music, with 1 track in the middle, just a soundclip of some man going through a list of swearwords at volume, i used to put it on in the mornig when no-one was looking and just patiently wait till it got to the said track; much to the disgust of the parents of the kids, but i couldn't stop pissing myself.


yes i did get sacked. in fact i don't know what it's like to hand my notice in. i've had 5 jobs, and i feel the need to play stupid pranks at every one, which always leads to my dismissal. maybe i'll grow up one day, but i'm only 21 so not for a while yet :)
(Thu 29th Mar 2007, 14:58, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Xmas Eve
i actually feel really bad about this now, xmas eve just gone and i'm in chicagos, pretty drunk. when we see an indian man of about 40 standing on his own by the bar, in the same place he had been all night. I finsh my drink, and take the empty glass in the toilet with me, i then fill it to the brim with p*ss, walk back out, and go upto this indian fellow and say "happy xmas" and offer him a "drink", he takes it thanking me and takes a sip. i walk away and actually started crying with laughter, 2 minutes later and i actually felt really bad. he was out on his own and just wanted to have a good time....
(Mon 3rd Sep 2007, 13:02, More)

» Why I was late

at work...
not me, but a bloke from my old job used to come out with some crazy excuses. two that stick in my mind are;

1) he turned up 3 hours late for work one day, claiming that a birds nest had fallen out of a tree in his garden and he had to stand there and protect the chicks from predators.

2) he was 2 hours late one morning, and tried saying that he was due to be in on time, but the traffic was so bad on the road outside work, that he had been standing at the other side, waiting to cross for 2 hours, i kid you not.

he got sacked eventually.
(Thu 28th Jun 2007, 13:29, More)

» Evil Pranks

..
I live for pranks. i have so so many stories to tell, i have lost 3 office jobs due to my pranks getting out of hand. e.g unscrewing every screw in the toilets so the cubicles fell down when someone opened the door to use a toilet. anyway, one of my favourites is the time me and a mate had a big loud aftermarket peco big bore backbox (exhaust) we were bored one night, and decided to fit it to the mk1 fiesta of an 80yr old lady down my road. we proceeded to bodge it on, and whilst we were at it, put a few max power type stickers on her car for her. i feel a bit bad now, but at the time watching a decrepid old lady pottering up the road and seeing a 4 inch exhaust under her bumper making a nice burbling noise, made me laugh for hours.
(Tue 18th Dec 2007, 13:14, More)