» Well, that taught 'em

Catpain of industry
When I was at school there was a twunt (lets call him Deano, everyone else did) who annoyed the fsck out of me at school. He along with half the school, never missed a chance to annoy or bully me in some way.

Years passed. I moved on, got a family, and a job, eventually getting to middle managment in a reasonably sized engineering company in the midlands.

About 5 years ago, I ended up at the NEC for an exhibition, and as you do, got chatting to the team on the stand opposite. One of leaflet distributing girls there came from Sheffield ... a bit more chatting over a drink one lunchtime about where she lived etc her family etc turned out Deano was her dad! Well, blow me! what a coincidence .. of course I kept totally schtum and worked out a cunning plan. It needed a decent restaurant and some seriously decent wine ... but ... to the victor the spoils!

I tried to remember all the times he made my life hell, but I smiled, because I now had one piece of knowledge he'd never have ... I know his daughter takes it up the arse.

length? pretty much all of it.
(Mon 30th Apr 2007, 21:04, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Is it just me ??
All these messages saying "oh, I like rachelswipes posts so much" .. I mean c'mon will ya, they aint THAT good, and the ones that say "never met her, but i fancy her" ... get reall will ya!

fwiw, there are three blokes in this house none of us have met her, none of us fancy her.

Well not much anyway.

Admittedly we sometimes print out her stories and have a quick wank over them, but its just a bit of harmless fun innit?

Not that we do that very often, well, not all of us together anyway. Well, we do get together for a group wank over her latest stories once a week, I admit it is becoming a bit of a ritual, maybe thats not so common, but I'm sure lots of other guys must do just that right?

Usually its on a Sunday, just after we have added the latest rachelswipe stories to our special shrine room. Its dedicated to her, and we keep a few candles burning .. along with some images of girls we think might look like her. Then we read out her latest postings, do the quick wank thing, and then take it in turns to read out a osting we think was really good. We all have a few favourites.

Anyway, this isn't really a guilty secret as I'm sure there are lots and lots of blokes who have similar shrines to her etc, so its all quite normal really.
(Tue 4th Sep 2007, 1:27, More)

» Crazy Relatives

My wife, mad as a box of ferrets
She is so insane, she now thinks I'm insane.

She regularly come to bed and forgets to bring her gasmask, or accuses me of being mad for wearing it in the shower.

Last week she sent the kids to school and forgot to dress them properly. I had to drive back and help them into their thongs in the middle of the playground.

I'd been out nice and early one Sunday collecting cats for lunch, put them in the freezer, only for her to let them out again.

It goes on and on .. I swear she is getting crazier.
(Fri 6th Jul 2007, 23:48, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Save your own skin ...
About 10 years ago, I was working as a systems admin for a council in North Wales, there were 3 of us, myself, an older guy( lets call him "Bob"), who'd been doing hte job for donkeys years, and Sally, a bright girl, dedicated and hard working, but being a single mum, she oftne had trouble with child care arrangements.

Sally had only been there a year or so, I'd been there 6 months, and it was pretty obvious that Bob didn't really like her having to change her work hours around to look after her kid. she thoughtthe world of her kid and did everyting she could to make sure the kid was looked after and had a decent chance in life.

Jobs in North Wales (especially good jobs) are hard to come by, and sally was determined no to lose this one, it was probably the best job she'd ever had.

Everything was going fine, and to be fair, we had to do little if any out of hours work, but every now and then, it just had to be done. Sally could never find child care, so always tried to get out of it if possible.

So, at the end of every month, we always had to run a couple of jobs manually. The problem was a rather crap payroll system written in COPBOL, that had 99% of its stuff available as command line scripts .. however a few areas remained that simply neeeded a variety of clicking on screens and generally doing manually. Nothing too difficult, but since it was all connected to the end of month procedures, and the monthly payroll run, it was fairly importnant. It always got left to us, because the beancounter couldn't be bothered to come in and run it just after midnight on the last day of the month.

So, eventually, it came round to being Sally's turn .. Bob usually did it, I'd never done it, and well, Bob was determined to have the evening off. Sally tried to wiggle out of it, or even find a baby sitter, to no avail. Eventually, she tried her last hope. Would I do it? Bob of course was adamant. He didn't want ME to do it, he wanted SALLY to do it. Period.

So, she suggested a plan, I would do it, using her access card, her password and run the job, Bob would never know. I wasn't sure, you know, sharing your access card or telling anyone your password as a sys admin, well, its the Number One Rule, you just NEVER do it .. but, well, I sort of felt sorry for her.

So, the end of the month fell on a Saturday. I didn;t need to be there until 11pm on Friday night, so I spent a few hours in the pub, with a quiet pint. Well, it was a bit noisy actually, met a few mates, might have had more than one pint too. Actually, its just possible I was completely rat arsed by the time 11pm arrived. I staggered out and made my way over the road to the offices, let myself in, sat down and tried to accomplish the task. I knew exactly what to do, I logged in and err, well, I *thought* I knew exactly what to do anyway .. I honestly have no real clue what I did. Things went very badly wrong, infact, things went so badly worng, I gave up and went home.

To cut a long story short, no one got paid that month, or at least not until a week later and even then it was a temporary payment based on the previous month. Took the rest of the month to sort it out.

Sally of course was blamed. It was pretty tense between us, and I had a few angry phone calls from her at home, plus a few tearful ones .. but she was in deep trouble. She did eventually get in so much bother from it she told them it was me that had done it ... and sure enough I was called into the office.

There was Bob, there was Bob's boss, there was Sally. What to do?

"What an outrageous lie, I was in the pub with my mates!"

I know, I know ... but save your own skin is always the best advice.

Sally was sacked, and when I last heard from her a year later was still on the dole, she'd gone down hill a bit, got in with the wrong crowd and her kid got taken into care .. lifes tough huh?

I do still feel bad about it, but hell, it was a great job .. you don't want to lose a job like that! :)
(Mon 3rd Sep 2007, 19:49, More)

» Sleepwalking

Blindly into ...
I know of a british guy who managed to sleep walk out of the hotel room he was staying in .. down the corridor, down the stairs and into a meeting room which had been hired out to a society discussing the latest CCTV technolgies. Obviously, they managed to catch this on camera. A picture appeared in the local paper captioned ...

"Britain sleepwalking into surveilance society"

I'll get my coat.
(Thu 23rd Aug 2007, 0:00, More)