» Thrown away: The stuff you loved and lost.

Not 'real', not a big deal (now),
but i bet the younger of us can all relate to the moment that mam stepped on the power lead to the console, sending 6 hours or so of hardcore gaming down the pan because you saw no need to save your spot until it was too late.
(Thu 14th Aug 2008, 17:59, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

Not a funny one as per se..
.. but more informative.

I'd not laid some track in a few days and was over a friends having a bit of a sesh involving weed. Now, it must have been good stuff because it remains to this day the most far gone I've ever been.

Needless to say, not so long into it I felt the push of frantic hands on closed doors and had to let it loose. Now, usually when I go it comes out in stages, but not this time, three days worth of it came out in one, long continuous stream over a period of five minutes. The amazing feat really hit home when I discovered it was a no-wiper.

I went into the next room and told my friends right away, as if I'd just had a revelation. They seemed to be in agreement that it was indeed, a very special moment. The lack of three wise men and a visible star dampened the experience though.
(Wed 2nd Apr 2008, 14:05, More)

» Vomit Pt2

I'll get my coat
'twas A-Level results day and many of us had stayed in the city from the morning to get wrecked throughout the day. Growing up in the north east has its benefits when it comes to drinking, as we were already seasoned pros when it came to this area. Unfortunately, the lady behind the bar who had just seen us consume 25 shots between 5 of us then ask for another round, didn't believe us and we were marched out the bar to "go sort ourselves out". It seemed at this point the rush of fresh air was too much for some and it ended up being just me and my mate, who turned out to be well and truly plastered.

I've never, ever seen him as bad to this day, but he was intent in his drunken ways to continue. Alas, with getting refused entry to every remaining bar, it wasn't to be and after much effort I carried his rag-doll body to the bus stop where he completely lost it - head rolling side to side, noises, all that sort of stuff. "I'm gonna be sick" he kept chuntering, "no, you're not" was my reply, to which he didn't. Our bus finally arrives and the driver gave us what can only be described as a look of utter disgust and says "if he throws up, you're off". So, I prop my mate up, take one step onto the bus and, who'd have guessed, he voids the contents of his bowels all over the entrance. I didn't even try do get out of it, simply turned around, dumped him onto the bench and called his parents (who heartily pissed themselves laughing at the situation).

To the people on that bus, I am so sorry, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
(Wed 13th Jan 2010, 23:54, More)

» I Quit!

Callcentre
I lasted 3 weeks when I worked in a call centre. Picture this:

16 years old, first ever part-time job. The idea was that this shitty local kitchen company that had already changed their time twice before, changed their name again and now started selling bedroom installations. Our manager? 22 at the most and didn't have a fucking clue. She sat there during every shift and talked to no one about this man she was shagging who had kids. There are about 7 of us sitting in this small room with the makeshift double desks you tend to get in classrooms all arranged into a big sqaure round the room. We got a cliboard with about 10 sheets containing 250+ names and numbers we had to call in 3 hours and try to sell kitchens. The pitch was 'your area has a 35% discount', which was bollocks because every fucking area has this '35% discount'.

The worst call I made was where I asked for this guy and his wife answered. It turns out he had died not so long ago. They didn't give you training for that (actually I got about 30 minutes training in my entire time there) and I'll never forget the sadness in her voice when she replied. There was a good one though when I asked this guy if I could speak to his wife and the person said 'this is she' in a pissed off tone :)

Ah what a shit hole. I know it's bad enough taking inbound calls but calling people up is fucking awful. Most of the time they get quite pissed off, cut you off before you finish the first sentence, call you names, etc. This one woman told me to stop phoning her and get a real job. I was like.. I'm 16 - where is your heart?

That was my last shift. I didn't receive my pay until I got in touch with the citizens advice bureau and threatened to take their swindling arses to court. Apparently the manager at the time was trying to save costs and hadn't even informed head-office I was working for them. Fucking cheek! Funilly enough, the whole £70 came a week or two later (followed by abother £70 when the original application went through and the payment was processed).
(Fri 23rd May 2008, 3:55, More)

» Stuff I've found

Another pr0n one
At work, tidying up our work area and I come across three unlabelled VHS cassettes. I thought it was a bit strange as, in this day and age, they're rarely seen. So I did what anybody else would do - drop everything I was doing and pop them into the rack-mount vcr we had (surplus, we never actually used it) and turned the tv on.

The first two were either blank or contained nothing of interest. The third however, well I was a little surprised, but not totally. It started out innocently enough as some surveilance footage of the computer lounge. Don't ask me why but something made me fast forward. Call it male-intuition, I don't know. Anyway, eventually two people appear and begin going at it for about 20 minutes or so.

Why not so surpised? Well, only my boss would go to the lengths of transferring the digital footage to a VCR - especially when the equipment isn't readily available. I still need to mention it to him.
(Tue 11th Nov 2008, 21:11, More)