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Once I was no cake for the impuritay, but I forgot my password...




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This was topical for a while but not any more...

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» Accidental animal cruelty

Aaargh! My face! My face is on fire!!
My two cats tried to steal my food whenever I was eating. Normal cat behaviour. I'd sometimes let them lick the plate after I'd finished, if I was feeling nice, so I suppose that's where they got the idea from.

I was eating a chilli. Yummy spicy hot food. "Give us the fooooood!" miaow my cats. I told them "You won't like this," but cats aren't famous for their linguistic abilities - while I could understand their plaintive yowling, they didn't get the subtle vocabulary of English at all.
Frantic pestering continued until I was done eating. "Fuck it," thinks I, "you can have the damn plate."

"Nyom nyom nyommers!" both cats descend with glee to gobble up the red chilli juices. "Nyomn nyom ny- ack!"

Have you ever seen a cat trying to get away from its own mouth?
(Sat 8th Dec 2007, 16:06, More)

» Insults

I wasn't being very coherent at the time...
...but I was sorely vexed. All I could muster was a confusing and somewhat stoned "Fuck on you, shaggers!"
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 19:32, More)

» Insults

Shitwanking
titmonkey's dogsucker.

This sort of thing may get old very soon...
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 19:49, More)