» Bastard Colleagues

One guy I wont name
Underworked, overpaid, brown-nosing type. He had a water feature on his desk (says it all).
Yeah, I pissed in it.
(Thu 24th Jan 2008, 13:09, More)

» Evil Pranks

Poltergeist
I had to nip into the office during the early hours to find the nightwatchman sound asleep and snoring like a walrus. I proceeded to log into my pc and do what I needed to do and got ready to leave. Realising this was an opportunity tooooo good to miss I carefully stacked the conference room chairs in a pyramid (ala the movie Poltergeist) right next to him and then left. He was very on edge for the next few nights, whether it was due to 'paranormal activity' or the fact someone had caught him sleeping I will never know.
(Wed 19th Dec 2007, 8:34, More)

» Fancy Dress

Grim Reaping
I was about 16 and full of teenage anguish (oh the pain!) and decided to go toa friend' birthday party as 'Grim Reaper'. Kittted out in black cloak, skull mask and sythe I looked a right prick but felt pretty cool at the time. At the end of the evening I had enough taxi fare for about half my journey home so walked the remainder of the way. Walking through Penrhyn Bay (God's waiting room) home to most retired peoples, I got some funny looks when people walked past or out of their windows. I just waved back in a a nonchalant way. I can only truly appreciate it 15 years later...
(Thu 12th Jan 2006, 23:44, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

Cameron C Gray (The full story)
Ok due to public demand (well 2 replies) I'll tell the story.....

When I first met this guy I thought he was some bizarre offspring of Jeanette Krankie and Beth Ditto with the physique of Violet Beauregard (after the chewing gum incident). His voice was the vocal equivalent of running fingernails down a backboard. A real stereotypical cartoon 'geek'. His wardrobe consisted of numerous identical tracksuit bottoms and sweatshirt tops (usually emblazoned with the Disney logo). His stories were more outlandish than that of Baron Munchausen and caused much hilarity amongst his workmates in the office.

1. He alleged he was born deaf and that his visual accuity was second to none because of this. He alleged he could see speed cameras far into the distance (and around corners).

2. At school he alledged that he and his 'friends' built a laser out of 2 million pounds worth of rubies which had been donated to the school. This laser once completed destroyed a wall.

3. On a skiing holiday in the USA he alledged that he was apprehended by the 'ski police' for speeding and subsequently beating the (at the time) SUPER-G record by minutes.

4. He constantly contradicted himself when referring to the old boys school he attended after claiming he had 'girlfriends' there.

This already may sound like quite a jolly fellow with tall tales to keep us amused. let me tell you I have worked with bosses from hell, colleagues from hell and even temps from hell but none of them compare to this guy. The timbre of his voice alone set my stress levels soaring.

Also his eating habits were consistent, consistent with that of a warthog let loose in Sainsburys. He gorged on food and was the noisest eater you have ever heard.
Daily Diet:
Breakfast: MacDonalds breakfast x2
Bar of dairy milk (big one)
can of coke

Lunch:
Macdonalds chicken nuggets (16)
large fries
large coke
big mac
cheeseburger

No idea what he had after 5:30 (maybe thats for the best).

The guy also drove without a licence. He claimed he had passed his test with flying colours but the DVLA computer had crashed and lost his details.

Anyway the good thing was that he was only with us 3 months which was 2 months and 30 days too long in my opinion.
(Fri 25th Jan 2008, 13:41, More)

» The Onosecond

nightmare
I was 3 months into my new job and like everyone else was getting fed up of the office know it all. One day an email arrived in my inbox from another colleague slagging him off to which I replied 'Yeah Ben is a c!*t' and for some unknown reason I added him to the recipient list. Then another colleague pointed this out. Fortunately Ben was late for work so a mad dash to see the IT chap was in order to delete the offending email. As I got into the lift, Ben was getting out. I had little time. The IT chap thought it was hilarious and proceeded to remove the email quite quickly. As I got back to my desk I didn't know whether Ben had read his emails, fortunately he hadn't. I needed have bothered though, cause I called him a c*!t to his face a week later.
(Thu 26th May 2005, 14:19, More)