» Tragic Attempts at Being Cool

A beret
a fucking beret
(Tue 10th Nov 2015, 1:06, More)

» Relief

I once thought I'd laughed at a Jim Davidson joke.
Turns out I'd hiccups. Phew.
(Sun 30th Dec 2012, 2:48, More)

» Claims to Fame

Where to begin?
I have sold many newspapers to Louis Walsh, including the weekend he signed up for X Factor. He wanted to see himself in the Red Tops, smug git.

I have sold The Art of Calligraphy magagazine, Marlboro Lights and Club Orange to Sinead O'Connor. She looked like a tramp.

I have stared at the fat one from Peep Show browsing magazines, wonderered if it was him, and what he was doing in Dublin, then his scary big dark eyes looked at me and I nearly shat myself. I think he was reading science or current affairs magazines. Not that funny.

AND... my own Mum has been on 15 to 1 twice, getting knocked out in the first round both times. She's usually good at quizzes, just cracked under televisual pressure both times.

What an exciting list. My life is brill!
(Sat 26th Feb 2005, 12:15, More)

» Can you keep a secret?

I'm not really here.
But I shouldn't be telling you that.
(Wed 30th Sep 2015, 22:55, More)

» Ignored Advice

I wouldn't take another one
you'll never get to sleep.
(Mon 19th Nov 2012, 11:19, More)