» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

It seemed like a good idea
it was one of those, "yeah, that'll be great fun" ideas. "Lets go in the Kitchen, pull our pants down in front of the window, pull our ass cheeks wide apart (This ain't going where you think, dirty f*ckers...) and then wait to see who chickens out first.

Twas in the mates house. He suddenly legged it, I turned round to see why, and there's his dad outside the window with a somewhat shocked look on his face.

Did I mention his dad was principal of the school?

That went down well... I don't think he ever understood me...
(Fri 20th Jul 2007, 0:28, More)

» Why I was late

It could have happened!
"I was rushing to drop the kids off at school as my wife was feeling ill and in my haste I reversed the car over the family pet, Jack. I couldn't let the kids see so I had to go and bury him in the back garden. After dropping the kids off at school I had to go to the pet shop to try and find a replacement for Jack. Unfortunately they didn't sell the same breed of Goldfish so I"

He stopped me at this point...
(Wed 4th Jul 2007, 0:06, More)

» Too much information

Pot the brown
So, this guy starts work - if you're reading this, K, sorry, but it's just too funny.

Anyways, week 1 down, Thursday comes round and there's talk of nipping round the pub for a few pints followed by a few pints. So, we duly set off and 2 of us are talking to the office man-whore about his latest conquest - apparently some bird he's with wants him, in no particular order, to cum on her tits, shag her up the arse, and piss on her. Much piss-taking (heh, a pun) ensues.

So, Mr. new-boy, K, has a laugh and joins in the crudery - no better way to become one of the lads.

Me, in my ever-inquisitive way, asks K. if his missus has any filthy sexual habits.

"Well, she does take it up the arse sometimes."

Silence....

Man-whore starts wetting himself laughing but trying to keep it in. Tears are flowing out of his eyes but his mouth is buried in his pint.

I follow up, as I must, with: "So, does she do it cos she likes it or just to please you?"

"I'm not sure she's a fan, I think it's just for me"

Silence stops - guffaw is the only word I can think of to describe the laughing that erupts round the table.

What is most amusing is that his girlfriend is coming to meet him that very night with us round the table.

More lads arrive from work and are duly informed of our co-workers love of arse-buggery and his girlfriend's willing-not-loving feelings towards it. K. gets quite upset that I've told everyone and says "That was a personal comment"

Em....Suuuuurrre......

Then his girlf arrives. I tell you, butter would not melt in that mouth (But it will in her arse, wha?!?!?!)

He hasn't liked me since, because somehow it's MY fault that he told us all...
(Tue 11th Sep 2007, 0:06, More)