» Too much information

Filming poo.
A friend of mine once filmed himself shitting. No, not his face but his anus.
Showed us all the next day, like.
(Fri 7th Sep 2007, 22:53, More)

» Crazy Relatives

Oh dear
My dad is a bit silly and sometimes acts like hes a little kid (hes 50).
He tries to act out adverts when they come on, for example, for the omega 3 advert where there's loads of different people saying it, he leans over and whispers in my ear, "omega 3".

He also farts ALOT.
Not only do they sound like either
a)A bomb has landed near by
or
b) a duck quacking
but they stink so bad...
That's not all, recently he has been walking into different rooms and farting there, then blaming it on my brother.
Sometimes he walks around the house with his belly out, then pretends he never did it.

As for my mother, well she's just a bit strange.
She got brought up a C of E and is now a nothing. But, she went through a phase of being a buddhist/spiritulist {sp?} whre not only did she go visting temples and took pictures, but went meditating on hills with a few of her friends.
Then she tried to make me into a Pagan (im a catholic, and my father's side are quite strict. they're italian.) by making me set up an 'altar' in my room to pray to the pagan gods/goddesses/whatever.
My father found out, went crazy.
It all went pear-shaped.

Then, through a dirty divorce (this was before the pagan stuff), my mum tried to kidnap me.

Oh the memories.
(Wed 11th Jul 2007, 12:01, More)

» Family codes and rituals

Car game
Another game in the car is SPOT THE NEW NUMBER PLATE GAME. Something about how they change to 58 in the middle of the year. I don't know, I don't really pay attention. But, yeah. That's another crappy car game.

And, of course, FIRST ONE TO SPOT THE SEA! I think someone's mentioned this before. Or FIRST ONE TO SPOT THE BLACKPOOL TOWER!
Sad times.
(Wed 26th Nov 2008, 16:59, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Wah.
As ive mentioned before (not that anyone cares),
my mother tried kidnapping me when i was about 8. The day before we were in blackpool eating dinner when she stormed out causing a big search for her though she had taken me to an Ann Summers shop during the day (I had to sit on a massive shoe whilst she went into the over 18 section).

She had found out that we all wanted to live with our father (a decision i now regret) and decided to take me away. She was crying all over the place after interviewing us all and then grabbed my wrist announcing we were going out.
I didn't really know what to do but knew i definitely didnt want to go with this mad crying woman. I had no choice but to follow her reluctantly, crying myself.
When we got near to the car she told me that:
"We're going to your Grandma's, i'll pick your clothes up later."
I remember screaming but still getting into the car (i was 8, i seriously didnt know what to do).
The car journey was awful; my mother was crying whilst asking me why i wanted to live with my father over and over again. I thought we were going to crash into a lake or something - she scared me that much.
Anyway half way down to my grandma's my mother was all like "OH YOU WANNA GO TO YOUR DAD'S? I'LL TAKE YOU THERE THEN."
She did.
She took me to the friend's house where he was working on their computer and made me get out of the car, sodden with tears, and knock on the door myself and ask for him.
A teenage boy answered the door with a questioning look but still went and fetched him.
He came outside and they started arguing, my mother gritting her teeth saying "Get in the car Vicky."
I didnt and spent the rest of the day crying on my dad's knee as he fixed the guy's computer. He called for my brothers to come and their friend generously paid for the bus fare.

Sorry about the length :[ I've probably bored you to death.
I have more posts to come.
(Fri 17th Aug 2007, 17:07, More)

» Family Holidays

Road trip! (kinda)
Last year my dad decided we would drive to italy. We drove down to dover, through france and down the coast of italy to the south.
But whenever my dad saw an english number plate, he would beep and flash his lights.
Not cool.
Not to mention those idiots who stand at traffic lights and try and sell you crappy stuff or give you free cds and then charge you 40euros.
Apart from that, it was the best holiday ive ever had.


Editt!
I've just remembered the worst holiday ive had.
I was about 6 or 7 and we were in York i think.
One day we were out in a little town and my brothers and dad decided to go to the small computer shop.
This was before my parents divorced so me and my mother went for a walk along some canal. This black guy with a massive afro turns up and starts walking along next to us, chatting to my mum.
For some reason i cried throughout the whole walk.
Turns out he was the guy my mum was shagging on the side - he kept popping up wherever we went.

How i miss those days.
(Fri 3rd Aug 2007, 1:35, More)