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- a member for 7 years, 2 months and 20 days
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» Sleepwalking
Wardrobe Bollocking
My Bro and I, when we were younger, were in an Air Cadet squadron. Was good fun, flying and shooting and running around in the woods at night. After he was too old to be a cadet, he went back as an adult instructor. On one camp, he was in the room next to the Wing Warrant Officer (someone you wouldn't want to upset in a hurry), I think he'd been out for a couple of jars.
The poor WWO was woken up by my brother storming into his room, dressed only in his boxers, thinking the worst (that he was going to get raped or pissed upon). Luckily for him, my brother had taken exception to something this guy's uniform had done, so he stormed to the wardrobe, flung the door open, and ranted at the guys clothes for a while. swung the door shut, did an about turn, and stormed off again.
Luckily WWO is a good cartoonist, so my mum now has a lovely caricature of my brother, in his kecks, shouting at a wardrobe, while the other bloke looks petrified. Not only is he not allowed to forget it, he gets a visual reminder every time he goes into the house*.
*Not that he does remember it, as he was asleep at the time.
Length? It satisfies me.....
(Tue 28th Aug 2007, 13:08, More)
Wardrobe Bollocking
My Bro and I, when we were younger, were in an Air Cadet squadron. Was good fun, flying and shooting and running around in the woods at night. After he was too old to be a cadet, he went back as an adult instructor. On one camp, he was in the room next to the Wing Warrant Officer (someone you wouldn't want to upset in a hurry), I think he'd been out for a couple of jars.
The poor WWO was woken up by my brother storming into his room, dressed only in his boxers, thinking the worst (that he was going to get raped or pissed upon). Luckily for him, my brother had taken exception to something this guy's uniform had done, so he stormed to the wardrobe, flung the door open, and ranted at the guys clothes for a while. swung the door shut, did an about turn, and stormed off again.
Luckily WWO is a good cartoonist, so my mum now has a lovely caricature of my brother, in his kecks, shouting at a wardrobe, while the other bloke looks petrified. Not only is he not allowed to forget it, he gets a visual reminder every time he goes into the house*.
*Not that he does remember it, as he was asleep at the time.
Length? It satisfies me.....
(Tue 28th Aug 2007, 13:08, More)
» Accidental innuendo
You haven't heard of Linford Christie in Malaysia then?
While at Uni, I was in my final year, and having done a placement year the year before, hardly knew anyone in one of my classes. There's a group project, and I end up working with a guy from London, a girl from Hong Kong and another from Malaysia. We would often meet in the cafeteria thing, and I had a lunchbox of food with me (the cafeteria food was pretty horrendous).
So, one group meeting, out comes the lunchbox for me to get at my sarnies, and the Malaysian girl said: "Vince, that's such a big lunchbox!" Cue me and (tall black) London bloke, lolling all over the shop, maybe even a few rolfmayos as well.
As the tears were drying out, she looks at us in all innocence and asks why we're laughing. We had to explain, in detail, the other meaning of the word lunchbox. Cue then much asian girl giggling, and they didn't look at me in the same way again.....
Another I've just remembered - while on a cadet camp one year, we were in tents as opposed to billets (always nice on a flying station!). On the orientation, the officer showing everone around said: "Girls, remember to keep your flaps shut after dark!". The poor bloke didn't realise he was talking to the dirtiest squadron in the wing.....
(that's my head over the parapet for long enough, lurky time again).
Knob joke: Insert yours here (oo-err)
(Tue 17th Jun 2008, 13:19, More)
You haven't heard of Linford Christie in Malaysia then?
While at Uni, I was in my final year, and having done a placement year the year before, hardly knew anyone in one of my classes. There's a group project, and I end up working with a guy from London, a girl from Hong Kong and another from Malaysia. We would often meet in the cafeteria thing, and I had a lunchbox of food with me (the cafeteria food was pretty horrendous).
So, one group meeting, out comes the lunchbox for me to get at my sarnies, and the Malaysian girl said: "Vince, that's such a big lunchbox!" Cue me and (tall black) London bloke, lolling all over the shop, maybe even a few rolfmayos as well.
As the tears were drying out, she looks at us in all innocence and asks why we're laughing. We had to explain, in detail, the other meaning of the word lunchbox. Cue then much asian girl giggling, and they didn't look at me in the same way again.....
Another I've just remembered - while on a cadet camp one year, we were in tents as opposed to billets (always nice on a flying station!). On the orientation, the officer showing everone around said: "Girls, remember to keep your flaps shut after dark!". The poor bloke didn't realise he was talking to the dirtiest squadron in the wing.....
(that's my head over the parapet for long enough, lurky time again).
Knob joke: Insert yours here (oo-err)
(Tue 17th Jun 2008, 13:19, More)
» Family Feuds
The problem with having a very large extended family
Is that they don't all know each other, especially when they're from different parts of the country....
My older brother and my Dad share the same birthday, and when I was 15, my Bro was 25, and my dad 50, so a large shindig was planned. We'd hired out the top room of a local pub, all the family were there, Aunts and Uncles and Cousins from Exeter, where we lived (most of whom I didn't even know), and Aunt, Uncle and cousins from Kent came down as well. Chris, my cousin from Kent, who's a couple of years older than me, went into the toilets and opened the door onto the head of one of my Exeter cousins - he apologised, and that was that. We thought.
The end of the evening came, and I started walking home with my brother and some of his mates who'd come down for the party. There were a couple of coppers the other side of the road, who asked us not to sing quite so loudly at 1 in the morning, when we heard screaming back towards the pub. Turning around, we saw a massive brawl kicking off between two halves of the family - our group and the coppers all legged it back to the pub and started pulling people off others, until Exeter's full complement of Saturday night town patrols was dealing with my family......
Next morning, a copper comes to my Mum's house to take statements. I haven't mentioned yet how many people were staying at our house. It was so full there was a guy asleep on the stairs.... Just as the guy came down the path, 8 people were on their way out climbing on Dartmoor for the day (they'd missed all the action teh night before), but there were still about 25 people to take statements from. He called for another 2 officers, and it still took them about 4 hours to get all the statements.
In the end, 2 of my Exeter cousins were found guilty of assault, and my Nan blamed it squarely on my Kent cousins, even though they were the ones beaten up. My Nan's funeral was the first time we'd seen any of them since then (was something like 10 years later). It was a bit tense, and all the blokes in my immediate family were expecting trouble, but thankfully in the end nothing happened. We still don't speak to them though.
My mother-in-law though, seems to have an ongoing feud with *all* of her family, which no-one seems to know the reason for, probably not even her. At least we do things properly in my family.....
Are we still doing length jokes at the end? The statements must have come to about 50 sheets of A4...
(Thu 12th Nov 2009, 14:01, More)
The problem with having a very large extended family
Is that they don't all know each other, especially when they're from different parts of the country....
My older brother and my Dad share the same birthday, and when I was 15, my Bro was 25, and my dad 50, so a large shindig was planned. We'd hired out the top room of a local pub, all the family were there, Aunts and Uncles and Cousins from Exeter, where we lived (most of whom I didn't even know), and Aunt, Uncle and cousins from Kent came down as well. Chris, my cousin from Kent, who's a couple of years older than me, went into the toilets and opened the door onto the head of one of my Exeter cousins - he apologised, and that was that. We thought.
The end of the evening came, and I started walking home with my brother and some of his mates who'd come down for the party. There were a couple of coppers the other side of the road, who asked us not to sing quite so loudly at 1 in the morning, when we heard screaming back towards the pub. Turning around, we saw a massive brawl kicking off between two halves of the family - our group and the coppers all legged it back to the pub and started pulling people off others, until Exeter's full complement of Saturday night town patrols was dealing with my family......
Next morning, a copper comes to my Mum's house to take statements. I haven't mentioned yet how many people were staying at our house. It was so full there was a guy asleep on the stairs.... Just as the guy came down the path, 8 people were on their way out climbing on Dartmoor for the day (they'd missed all the action teh night before), but there were still about 25 people to take statements from. He called for another 2 officers, and it still took them about 4 hours to get all the statements.
In the end, 2 of my Exeter cousins were found guilty of assault, and my Nan blamed it squarely on my Kent cousins, even though they were the ones beaten up. My Nan's funeral was the first time we'd seen any of them since then (was something like 10 years later). It was a bit tense, and all the blokes in my immediate family were expecting trouble, but thankfully in the end nothing happened. We still don't speak to them though.
My mother-in-law though, seems to have an ongoing feud with *all* of her family, which no-one seems to know the reason for, probably not even her. At least we do things properly in my family.....
Are we still doing length jokes at the end? The statements must have come to about 50 sheets of A4...
(Thu 12th Nov 2009, 14:01, More)
» Oldies vs Computers
Wireless power?
Working in the support team for an educational IT supplier, I was working the late shift with a n00b I was training. A client phones at 5 minutes to leaving time, saying that they'd had a power cut but that only one of their servers had stayed up, although they had a UPS.
Talk the n00b through my thinking that they haven't fitted a serial cable to the second server, so it hasn't had a shutdown command, so it just stayed up until the battery on the UPS went flat.
So, talking the client through the connections on the back of the UPS:
Me: You've got two kinds of cable - thin ones are data cables, thick ones are power cables.
client: Yep.
Me: OK, how many data cables have you got?
client: One, which goes to the server that stayed up. Oh, wait. There's only one power cable as well.....
Completely true. No apologies for length, it satisfies me.....
/Goes back to lurking.
(Tue 26th Sep 2006, 13:23, More)
Wireless power?
Working in the support team for an educational IT supplier, I was working the late shift with a n00b I was training. A client phones at 5 minutes to leaving time, saying that they'd had a power cut but that only one of their servers had stayed up, although they had a UPS.
Talk the n00b through my thinking that they haven't fitted a serial cable to the second server, so it hasn't had a shutdown command, so it just stayed up until the battery on the UPS went flat.
So, talking the client through the connections on the back of the UPS:
Me: You've got two kinds of cable - thin ones are data cables, thick ones are power cables.
client: Yep.
Me: OK, how many data cables have you got?
client: One, which goes to the server that stayed up. Oh, wait. There's only one power cable as well.....
Completely true. No apologies for length, it satisfies me.....
/Goes back to lurking.
(Tue 26th Sep 2006, 13:23, More)