» Impulse buys

Fearing my relationship was souring a little
I bought a fuckton of sexy underwear to tempt him next time I saw him. He broke up with me before I got a chance to show him. It now languishes in my top drawer unloved :(

EDIT: If this wins, I'll post pictures. Anything to beat Wormulus

Edit: I want the best story to win this week, so I'll post the pic in replies and encourage you to all click on the story you think is best.
(Thu 21st May 2009, 12:53, More)

» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

The story of broken legs man
Again, not particularly proud of this and wouldn't do it again, but I wouldn't allow myself to be treated like that again, so it's a moot point.

Broken legs man and I first met when I was an impressionable 14 year old at YMCA day camps. He was tall, handsome and a whole year older than me. Very charming and outgoing, he went to the local posh school, whereas mine was a highly sought after comprehensive 2km away. He was going out with the camp bike and I was left to the role of best girl mate.

We met up again each summer, sometimes seeing each other during school time if our paths crossed, him looking very smart and cool while I was reduced to blushing and gibbering like a freak until I was 17, but then his mother died and with all the best intentions we lost touch for a while until I went to uni.

He spotted me in a pub back home where I had a new found confidence in myself, lots of friends, four years training in kickboxing, a decent haircut can do wonders as well as good skin which had been the bane of my life until then.

We hooked up and all was good for a few months until for reasons unknown he decided to systematically destroy my life. Not by major things that would be noticed by others, but little things like saying I looked fat in some clothes I liked - I was a size 12 at this point, but lost two stone at his behest, pointing out my weaknesses like intolerance for stupid people, how I should be nicer to his friends - not sure why as they were never nice to me and how all of my friends were shit and didn't like me.

Over the course of two years he basically broke down all my defences and made me feel like crap. He then slept with one of his hideously ugly friends and gave me an STI - not one of the horrible permanent ones thankfully, but enough to be pissed off about. I had no idea at this point that was how I'd got it as he made me think that I had it and passed it onto him. So we split up for the summer and missed each other inbetween burning doses of pain administered by nurses. He got back in touch with me and I jumped at the chance of getting back together as although I'd had plenty of other offers, I was infatuated with the little fucker.

Turned out he didn't have any treatment for his dose of nasties and within a week I was showing symptoms again and wondered why. One of his (nicer) friends took me aside and told me broken legs man had slept with another of their friends and then bragged about how stupid I was as I didn't realise. He then went on to tell me that my initial suspicions of him taking smack on a regular basis were in fact correct and the way he mashed up his chin a few weeks before was not in a car accident, but his dealer seeking to teach him a lesson for not paying up on time and sleeping with one of his bitches.

Armed with this information, plus some other stuff that I'm not going to discuss here I went to see him and when confronted, he laughed in my face. A swift roundhouse brought him down, a couple of punches broke three ribs and a few well times stamps broke his legs. One below the knee and one above the knee. The rising smell of fecal matter necessitated my exit, but not before hocking up a greenie and depositing it on his face.

Aside from everything else, if you're going to cheat on me, make it with someone better looking, not a chavvy minger with shit for brains as that's just insulting.

Apologies for spitting as it's just not ladylike.
(Fri 6th Jun 2008, 14:17, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Not me but
When I was working at my last place a guy came in to pick up his newly castrated dog and uttered the immortal line..."I'm here to get lucky".
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 12:19, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

Wednesday
Some of you remember me posting an NHS rant in customers from hell QOTW a few weeks ago about the treatment my father received in hospital. Others of you will have seen the announcement I put on OT on Thursday to mark his passing. Life in general has been a bit upside down and odd for the last few weeks as he's deteriorated slowly but surely.

Several things spring to mind when I read this week's QOTW about him. The fact that he and my mum welcomed me, plus two cats, two guinea pigs and two rabbits, back into the family home after I screwed up a few years ago. No pressure to do anything I wasn't ready to do or move out and make a life for myself meant that I was back on my feet again and starting a new career in a few months. I think they knew that if they bugged me about finding something too soon I'd dig my heels in and stay in the old crappy job I had even longer.

The thing with my dad was he was very old school, stiff upper lip and all that, so he never really said he was proud of me and my brothers to us. Sure he'd say it to other people when they asked and would brag about our achievements to friends, but never seemed able to tell us that we'd done something well. So I knew that he'd realised he didn't have long left when he was ending phone conversations with I love you's and a couple of days before he died, made a special effort to call me after I left the hospital and tell me that he was proud of me and he didn't need to worry about me anymore, that he knew I was going to be alright. Frankly the fact that he did, whether he was bugged by my mum to do so or not, means the world to me and I'm really going to miss him.

Wednesday's going to be a fucker.
(Sun 5th Oct 2008, 11:27, More)

» Pet Peeves

When you THINK you're going to get some
I tie you up with scarves so you cant move and begin to massage your body with oil to relax you. I smooth your skin firmly and you let out a moan of happiness.

You still feel a little tense, so I swap my hands for my mouth and begin licking and sucking your neck and chest, paying special attention to your erect nipples. I trace your happy trail down from your belly button to your now rockhard cock and slowly lick up and down your pulsating shaft.

I then move away from your cock and you look angry as you're now desperate for me to suck it, instead I begin kissing your inner thighs and stroking your balls with my fingers very very gently. I take one in my mouth and slowly rotate it, letting my piercing stimulate it. You stiffen and almost cum as it feels so good, so I gently tug on your balls and hold off the inevitable.

I move back up your body, licking and kissing you all over until you're trembling in anticipation. I decide to give you a break and hover over your now monstrous size cock, then slowly lower my mouth over your head, licking and sucking softly at first, then applying more pressure. I move my head up and down and your body starts to buckle with the added pressure, so again I tug on your balls.

Keeping one hand on your balls and the other at the base of your cock, I take your whole shaft in my mouth and begin sucking properly, moving up and down and twirling my tongue around your head, you cannot stop groaning in pleasure and start arching your back, trying to get even further inside my mouth. I push you straight back down, as I'm in control, not you.

I move my hand down from your cock and start rubbing your asshole, then slowly slip one finger inside. You shudder and say no at first, but I add some more lube and slowly slip it inside again and you squirm in delight. I move it inside a little further, feeling for your G spot while still sucking and kissing your cock, then all of a sudden you let out a cry and I know I've found your G and you cum torrents of spunk in my mouth.

And then what do you do? You fucking fall asleep. Pussy
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 10:35, More)