» Customers from Hell

Fast food and cinemas
I have had the lovely joy of working at both major burger chains. Amoungst the pleasures I had:

* The customers who wanted to skip the queue because all they wanted was a drink.

* The customers who ordered something that was made fresh (as we didn't sell enough to keep them made) then got annoyed at the delay despite us telling them there would be a wait for that item when they ordered it.

* The customers who got annoyed because they ordered something we didn't have made at that exact moment and didn't ike the wait as they only bought it to have change for the bus (the opposite of them were the ones who would ask what we had ready and buy one of them).

Then there was the drunk customer who walked in and started eating something he bought somewhere else. Just as two officers of the law walked in. They asked me if I wanted them to escort the gentleman outside and I said yes. They took him out, searched him and then took him to the police HQ.

Then I worked at a cinema where the joys included:

* The gentleman who thought I was joking when I informed him that I couldn't let his 5 year old son in to see the 15 certificate Bond film.

* The lady who was apparently very surprised that we couldn't let her 18 month old child into the screening of Alien: Resurrection.

* The man who accused us of ruining his childs entire birthday weekend because while his son was now old enough to see the 12 certificate film (no 12A at the time) he had chosen as a birthday treat, his younger sister wasn't.

* Not to mention all the kids who were mysteriously trying to see a film that they would be old enough to see the next day (the law dictates that it's the age on the certificate on the day).

* The gentleman who decided to avoid the huge cue at the ticket desk by queueing at concessions to get his tickets. After he'd waited ages, I took no small amount of delight informing him that he had to wait in the queue for the ticket desk. Which had since grown.

* The customers who insisted that I could serve them an undercooked hot dog as they'd waited till the last minute to get food/tried to get one before, went away, came back too late to get any of the ones that were cooking then. I felt like asking them to sign something stating that they would not report the cinema/me for serving them undercooked food in the case they got food poisoning.

And if you think this lot was bad, I later worked tech support...
(Sat 6th Sep 2008, 15:31, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

Non-smoking idiots...
I moved to Middlesbrough (where I have since taken up residence) for university just before the turn of the millenium. This has necessitated return trips to my beloved Aberdeen.

Originally, these trips were by bus, which led to some interesting experiences (such as the time when the bus I was catching to Glasgow was due to arrive at the same time as the bus I was catching from there to Aberdeen left. Unsurprisingly, I missed the latter).

But I can't get a return from Middlesbrough to Aberdeen by bus anymore I have now to let the train take the strain.

Back in the good old, pre-smoking ban days, there was one carriage on GNER trains that was smoking. So, I'd get the train to either Darlington or Newcastle, then get the train from there straight through to Aberdeen. Some music and a book (or, in the latter days, my laptop and some DVD's), large bottle of Dr Pepper and the only reason I had to move was to go to the toilet.

So, I'm in the middle of one such trip when I decide to roll a cigarette. As I am doing so, an oldish couple attract my attention and inform me that the entire train is now no smoking. I tell them they're wrong, and they inform me that it was just announced over the intercom.

They must have been banking on the fact that I was plugged into my personal stereo (no MP3 player at the time) and couldn't hear any announcements. What they don't know is that I'm a considerate traveller who turns his music down to a level where I can enjoy it but won't be (overly, anyway) annoying other passengers. This means that I can hear any announcements made as well.

But I decide to play along and ask the ticket inspector next time he comes along. The train stops at another station and two old men get on, sit beside them and instantly light up their pipes. The couple get up, pick up their belongings and flounce off to another carriage.

WHY? When you have the rest of the train to yourself, why would you sit in the smoking section and then complain about people smoking? Not even my non smoking friends can answer that one.

Length? Trip takes about 7 hours.
(Sat 31st May 2008, 16:50, More)

» Too much information

Places I don't want to be...
...would include the same room as my mother and my then girlfriend as they talk about giving birth.

In graphic detail.

Thankfully time (or more likely alcomahol) has allowed me to forget what followed the words "When i was giving birth to him..."
(Wed 12th Sep 2007, 4:11, More)

» That's me on TV!

Not me but...
Years ago, watching the local evening news, there was someone being interviewed about something in the town centre. (Either that, or they were doing a vox pops thing. Memory is a bit fuzzy now.) When, all of a sudden wandering across in the background was my gran. Completely oblivious.
(Thu 11th Jun 2009, 14:52, More)

» Unemployed

One of the joys* of being unemployed...
...is, of course, dealing with the jobcentre.

Couple of stories from this, my second period of being full time dole scum:

-Lost forms. Due to them not actually processing some forms until three days before they have to, when I moved from contribution based JSA to income based JSA, they lost my form. And gave me two days benefits instead of three. And they might have needed me to go into the jobcentre to fill out another one. The jobcentre in question is in Middlesbrough. At the time, I was in Aberdeen. (In the interest of fairness, i have to point out that they didn't actually know that I wasn't in Boro as I had no signing over the festive period and I couldn't be bothered filling out the necessary forms.)

-Lost phone calls. At my 12 month review I was given an option (after being informed of something I had noevery bit of knowledge about, that being the fact I would have more money working than signing on) of either going to the jobcentre every week or getting a call from them the weeks I don't sign on. After taking the obvious option, I wait for the first call, which never arrives. When I go in to tell them about this (giving me coverage if they claim they did call and therefore I'm losing my benefits) I'm informed that they didn't put me on the right system for the calls. I'm supposed to get a call every fortnight for 2 months. I get none.

-And sheer dumbassery. At my 18 month review, I'm told that I'm being sent to an employment zone as I'm still out of work. And that my appointment is at 9:30. The day after my birthday. Frak. So, instead of celebrating turning 21 (yet again) I talk to the missus online (she's in the States), get my pic taken with the FA cup, go to a free screening if Frost/Nixon, a couple of quiet drinks with a friend and then home with a parmo. Go to the place the next day only to discover...





My appointment isn't actually till 3pm.

Is it any wonder I harbour dreams of buying the building where the useless idiots are based and pressing the button to demolish personally?

(Possibly to come, my tales from the first time I signed on.)

*This word may possibly have been used in a sarcastic sense.
(Sat 4th Apr 2009, 3:59, More)