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Profile for Amish Information Systems:
Profile Info:

...AMISH INFORMATION SYSTEMS.......DOES NOT USE
ANY TECHNOLOGY INVENTED AFTER 2004.............
........FIFTY SOMETHING.........REMEMBERS OLD-
STYLE TELETYPES FROM "WORLD OF SPORT"..........
...ALLOA 1 QUEEN OF THE SOUTH 0..........MARRIE
D......(SORRY LADIES).........WORKS WITH 3D GRA
PHICS.....HOPES TO FRONT PAGE AGAIN SOMEDAY...

UPDATE! Hurrah! After 10 years, another FP with this image:

Keep you eyes peeled in 2025 for my next one...


Of course, my only first FP has a broken image link, and it's too late to edit it now. Here's what it looks like anyway:


One of my favourite religious disaster books ever


Here's another one I particularly like:


A Children's Classic, "The Gruffalo", Subtly Abridged


And now, the easiest job in the world. Subtitle guy for Top Gear.



Update: Whee! Got a mention in newsletter 433!


Update2: Whee again! Got a mention in newsletter 555! It's a long wait until newsletter 741 though...

Update3: Thanks to Thor McLegend questioning my sig quote, I recalculated how many neutrons there are in my body more accurately and it turns out I consist of "up" than "down" quarks. Damn you, lazy hydrogens. <shakes fist>



Recent front page messages:

We're all in this together


Click* for wonderful privatised version in higher definition, brighter colours, and with more attractive pilot.

(* First click free. Cost per subsequent click 45. Fee for use on B3TA front page 450.)
(Sun 29th Mar 2015, 21:35, More)

All that business about childbirth...
...is a myth. This is the real reason video cameras are not allowed during a birth.



Clicky for biggie. And yes, that is my son, James. And yes, my wife will kill me if she sees this image.

Sean.
(Fri 8th Nov 2002, 22:18, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Cheap Tat

A cheap coat
"It's not me it's you"'s post reminded me of a coat I had at school. It was about 1982, and I wanted a parka, the cool kind with the furry collar.

Well, I very nearly got one. Instead I got a coat which, while undoubtedly having a furry collar, seemed to be made of neoprene. Yes, the stuff you make wetsuits out of.

Now, I am not being ungrateful, because (a) the family were pretty skint at the time, (b) I don't think it was actually that cheap, and (c) this was in fact the most amazingly waterproof coat in the world and I never got wet or cold wearing it, no matter how hard the rain or how late the bus. Thanks, Dad!

But the reason it's in the "tat" QOTW was because of its amazing rubbery properties.

If you relaxed, the springiness of its rubberized fabric meant that your arms arose from your sides to about a 30 degree angle. You had to actually work to keep your arms by your sides. (Or put your hands in your pockets.)

The same property meant that it would stand up by itself. You could zip up the front, hold it by the hood, and place it gently on the floor, where it would stand, looking like an invisible Eskimo just after stepping in a seal hole.

When you're 12, this is endlessly amusing.
(Mon 7th Jan 2008, 22:56, More)

» Good Advice

Run, while you can.
One sunny day, when I was about 8, I was walking back to our house from the village with my Dad.

"Let's run," he said. "Why?" "Because one day, we won't be able to."

We ran home for no reason.

Still clear as a bell after 35 years.
(Thu 20th May 2010, 23:12, More)

» Stuff I've found

My most psychic moment
Was posting an answer to next week's QOTW.
(Thu 6th Nov 2008, 15:57, More)

» Asking people out

Good grief I was crap with girls when I was 16. (Repost)
I was a bit geeky at school. (Gee, really?) My romantic entanglements tended to be quantum in nature - i.e. they happened at a distance and were undetectable to outside observers, especially the target of my affections.

I remember one time I had a crush on someone in the year above. After many months agonizing, I approached her and asked if she wanted a screw.

Now, I had a backup plan - when (not if) she said no, I would take a screw out of my pocket, say "Pity, it's a nice one" and beat a retreat.

She said yes.

Fzzzt. My entire prefrontal cortex fuses and I resort to plan B anyway, handing her the screw and beating a hasty retreat.

So, on the minuscule chance that Amanda is a B3tan, if it's any consolation, I've felt dumb about this for 20+ years. And now I'm airing it on B3ta, confirming the fact that I am irrepressably geeky.
(Thu 10th Dec 2009, 18:29, More)

» School Days

Last one. Romance.
I was a bit geeky at school. (Gee, really?) My romantic entanglements tended to be quantum in nature - i.e. they happened at a distance and were undetectable to outside observers, especially the target of my affections.

I remember one time I had a crush on someone in the year above. After many months agonizing, I approached her and asked if she wanted a screw.

Now, I had a backup plan - when (not if) she said no, I would take a screw out of my pocket, say "Pity, it's a nice one" and beat a retreat.

She said yes.

Fzzzt. My entire prefrontal cortex fuses and I resort to plan B anyway, handing her the screw and beating a hasty retreat.

So, on the minuscule chance that Amanda is a B3tan, if it's any consolation, I've felt dumb about this for 20+ years. And now I'm airing it on B3ta, confirming the fact that I am irrepressably geeky.
(Sat 31st Jan 2009, 23:35, More)
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