» God

If there is a hell, I am going!
Twenty some years ago I was a graduate student living in an old farm house in the country in Appalachia (think hillbillies, moonshine, Appalachian Mountains, and religious folk dancing with rattlesnakes to show that faith in God keeps them safe). During this time I had a very large dog. He was half Rhodesian-Ridgeback and half Collie-Lab. He was huge and also had longer hair than a pure Ridgeback and his ridge looked like a big Mohawk haircut. Even though he looked ferocious, he was very nice with his mother’s personality and never barked at people.

When I say he didn’t bark at people, that isn’t strictly true. He had an unerring ability to know when the religious freaks were coming and would start barking even before the car or van full of crazy people trying to convert me would be visible. When they would stop, he would stand by the car and bark like crazy until they left. Then he would get a treat.

For a while there was also a very pretty married woman living with me (long story which in itself would probably send me to hell if it existed). It was very hot there in the summer and she liked to wear just a small bikini, the likes of which were not seen in this part of the country.

One hot day, we were outside working in my garden and the dog started barking like crazy. Oh shit I said to my friend, the crazies are coming. When a van full of these people pulled into my driveway, instead of just ignoring them, she wanted to listen to them never experiencing such a think in her native Austria. I went over to the van and grabbed the dog telling the people not to get out because I couldn’t trust him. They started talking to me about religion and I told them I was a geologist and believed in evolution which got them going. My friend then came up in her TINY bikini (and somewhat high heels) and draped herself on my arm. The eyes of everyone in the van immediately grew as big as grapefruits with the men probably becoming hornier than ever before in their lives and the women wanting to kill regardless of what Jesus said.

I was getting sick of them and asked them to leave. They then asked “Doesn’t your WIFE want to hear the truth of Jesus”. I said: I don’t know SHE isn’t MY wife. They gasped, glared at me, and immediately left. For the next year and a half I lived there while finishing my degrees, not one religious nut ever bothered me again. She got a good treat soon after they left!

I did find a black X on my door one day though (just kidding about the X but the rest of the story is completely true).
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 17:33, More)

» Impulse buys

As has been said here before, not really an impulse buy:
More of just an impulse. I found this site and signed up on an impulse and now can't seem to stay away.

It's fun though, usually.
(Tue 26th May 2009, 11:59, More)

» Bullies

Will this week ever end?
.
Please bring on the new QOTW. While this has been cathartic, it has also been very painful for many of us.

Lets get back to basic stories of puking, spunk, and regular insanity!

Three-somes, I want stories about threesomes.
(Thu 21st May 2009, 0:40, More)

» Turning into your parents

Although my parents were divorced when I was young,
and my father was murdered a few years later so I never knew him as well as I would have liked, I find myself becoming more and more like what I have been told he was like and even more scary, I am becoming more like my maternal grandfather too.

As with my grandfather, my sense of humor is pretty much under-developed so that most of my jokes don't work. Once I get a joke that actually works however, I never stop using it (although this is partially due to the perverse pleasure I get from watching my daughters squirm when they hear the joke for the 500th time and see what is coming). Plus I take too long to tell anything, hence the length of my posts. On the good side, I try to treat everyone fairly, honestly, nicely, and generously as he did.

As with my father I like fine dining and will also try pretty much anything edible at least once. I also like good scotch, good wine, and real ale a great deal (far too much probably).

Unlike my father and grandfathers (both) however, I didn't go to the US Military Academy and am not an officer in the army (my brother and I broke that five generation tradition) but I have this stange fascination with knee high leather boots and whips order although I am completely disorganized.

Once my daughters were teenagers I would find myself thinking that their music sucked and kids these days..... When this would happen, I would go into deep depressions.
(Fri 1st May 2009, 14:19, More)

» God

This isn't funny
(But then when I try to be funny it isn't funny either). I live in the supposedly "liberal" State of Vermont in the US. Right now the state legislature is actually doing something that could be construed as "liberal" and may very likely pass a gay marriage bill that allows everyone the same right to marriage.

Seems like a really simple concept. If you want to get married, you should be able to get married. What's the big deal? There isn't any in reality. Gay marriage won’t hurt me or my 20 yr marriage but it give some other people the chance to be happy.

However, since this started, the religious folk of all sorts have started screaming vehemently that this is against God. The nicer ones just say that God doesn’t allow it; the worst ones talk about killing gays and that gays are an abomination, etc….. Christian, Jews, and Muslims are all saying how bad gay marriage is (although there are a few clergy who welcome the chance to give all people the freedom to choose who they want to marry instead of being told who by a priest, minister, rabbi, imam, etc).

If this isn’t a reason for the separation of church and state, I don’t know what is.
(Mon 23rd Mar 2009, 16:25, More)