» Stalked

Agent Steve
Once upon a time, I was a naive fourteen year old. Myspace had just started, and I was one of the first to sign up. I, of course, thought I was unbelievably cool at finding it, and used it mostly to look at band's profiles.

Then, one day, I got a message from a guy in his late twenties to early thirties, saying he really loved my music taste. I was flattered as hell, because at fourteen getting any attention from anyone older than you is pretty unheard of (at least then.) So we sent quite a few messages, discussing the cure and such, and exchanging views. At the time I was very easy to win over - if you could type halfway coherently, I liked you, since aged fourteen everyone my age typed like they'd fallen face first onto a keyboard.

About a fortnight after we'd been messaging each other, he asked for my msn. I did stop and think then, but since this was in the day when people didn't really realise the dangers of kids + internet = bad things, I didn't think for too long. He seemed like a nice bloke, and I decided I could block him if he got annoying and/or creepy.

So we carried on talking for ages, then one day he announced that he was in a band and that he'd appreciate my opinion of it. Of course, I was a sucker for that, since the idea of anyone appreciating my musical taste aged fourteen was unheard of. I clicked on the link, and lo and behold, it was not a band's website. In fact it was a rather different type of website.

I freaked and asked him, trying to be calm, if he was sure that was the right link. Cue mister "I care about your musical opinion" turning into the biggest creep around, asking me about how it made me feel. I blocked him and deleted him from my friend's list on myspace.

Except it turns out people can have more than one email address? Who knew?!

He added me with about twenty of them, asking me for my address because he wanted to meet up with me, and he kept sending me stuff via myspace. I'd made the mistake of telling him my general location and I was scared as hell he'd find out where I lived and went to school, especially as my friend's myspaces weren't on private and they had our school info up. He followed me onto sites, and kept threatening to turn up on my doorstep, and generally followed me around the internet, tracking me via my username that I then used everywhere.

This went on for about another fortnight before I decided to get a photo of my brother who is seven years older than me and who had a beard, and changed the photos of a fourteen year old girl to one of a twenty one year old guy with a beard. I told him I'd been lying and that I was named Agent Steve with the FBI.

The idiot bought it and started apologising, saying he was only fourteen too, and that he'd lied about his age because he thought girls liked older guys.

Every time after that anyone tried perving on me via myspace, out came Agent Steve.
Worked a charm.

Length? I dunno, seems a bit of a personal question to ask someone from the FBI.
(Tue 5th Feb 2008, 0:18, More)

» Festivals

It happened in slow motion...
I was seventeen. He was a man in a kilt. He offered me a cup of tea. I declined. I turned to go back to my tent. He picked up the cup and started to pour in the water. From behind me, I heard a sound that has never been rivaled - a sound of a man in severe pain. Turning, I saw the kilted man clutching his groin, the cup on the floor and a dark stain of water upon the tartan material. He staggered and fell to the floor.

After the ambulance turned up, I decided to have a cup of tea after all.
(Tue 9th Jun 2009, 23:13, More)