» My Biggest Disappointment

Monkey Nuts
Not what it says on the tin.
(Sat 28th Jun 2008, 18:49, More)

» Helicopter Parents

Never let your over protective mum put her number on the
speed dial screen of your fancy new touch screen phone. The phone will call her itself whilst in your pocket and she will be treated to the sound of you unsheathing the meat saber to some of the internet's finest.
(Sun 13th Sep 2009, 23:54, More)

» Real-life slapstick

I decided to play some pitch and putt with some friends
It was quite far away so I decided to ride my bicycle. I decided it would be a good idea to put my golf clubs in a plastic bag and carry it on the handle bars. It was a marvellous sunny day and I was enjoying gawking at the you g ladies in the summer clothes when the plastic bag split, the handle of a 5 iron fell through the spokes of the front wheel. Club met axle and the front of the bike stopped. The back wheels decided to keep going and soon afterwards I took trip through the air and my face got acquainted with the Tarmac. Luckily I avoided vegetablehood and managed to break my fall. Being a bit of a twat I decided to walk the rest of the way there and try and wander round a few holes as the alternative seemed to be calling her indoors and admitting my folly. I did make it round the course despite the blood and not being able to move my arms or fingers. I eventually hobbled onto a bus unable to sit down or hold onto the rails. So I had to try to stand and carefully balance all the way there. Two broken wrists and elbows makes wiping ones arse a pain and much to her chargrin these duties were delegated to the missus. She performed them with stoicism and bravery. Cheers love
(Thu 21st Jan 2010, 14:01, More)

» Faking it

I faked that i met my american girlfriend at university
we actually met online in 1999. Almost 8 years later we are married with kids and our families still don't know the truth, the lie is to big now to blow.

I don't even know why we did it. My parents wouldn't really care!

We have managed to keep it going for a while as my wifes parents aren't the travelling kind, so we have managed to keep them apart and keep our stories straight, but Mother in Law has decided shes visiting in March. Squeaky Bum time!
(Thu 10th Jul 2008, 15:53, More)

» Easiest Job Ever

Due to a series of internal staff movements and reshuffles
for the last 3 years i have not had a manager at work. I am the only person who knows what my job entails. The guy i am ultimately responsible to doesn't like to get his hands dirty with the little people, as a result, no one really knows what i do, but they understand it is vital for the successful running of the business. I have perfected the art of looking busy, while actually doing very little but play on my phone. Over the last year since i discovered how to stream video to my iphone, i have watched some cracking tv, the whole of the Wire, Deadwood, Breaking bad etc. Sounds like the perfect job, but alas the money is shite (but not bad for doing nowt) and i am starting a better paid job, which entails actually doing some work. Since i handed my notice in my colleagues have been panicking about getting someone trained up to do my job before i leave in a couple of weeks.. I sit back and laugh, as productivity is likely to increase once i leave!
(Sat 11th Sep 2010, 14:50, More)