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» Food sex

Or rather not...
Me and my mate Dave were having few pints one evening and getting on rather well with a fetching pair of ladies.

Dave, a rather absent-minded chap at the best of times, managed to forget he was sitting on a bench, and leaned back, falling off and spilling an almost fall pint upon himself.

I found this very amusing. So amusing in fact, I managed to snort beer out my nose. And onto the chest of the lass sat opposite me.

Lets say neither of us got much further with those girls that evening.
(Sun 9th Aug 2009, 0:30, More)

» Devastating Put-Downs

One day lad, all this will be yours,
~~~~Wavy Lines~~~~
Back in the day, when I was just a young undergraduate, I happened to make the acquaintence of a nice young girl called Diana. Now, Diana was a more than a little posh. This post could be a reply of petty jibes at the rich, or her remarks at the poor.

But instead I shall tell a much more magnificent story indeed. We’d been dating for a couple of months and it was finally time to meet the dreaded parental units. I’d been warned by Diana to be on my best behaviour, as her parents apparently had a somewhat medieval attitude to her ‘suitors’.

I was expecting a nice family home, but was instead presented with a gargantuan, sprawling estate in the countryside outside Brighton.
As I stepped out the car I was almost instantly greeted by a man leaping out a bush and come barrelling towards us. This man it emerged, was Di’s father. Strangely he at least a passing resemblance to Michael Palin, but with the facial hair of Brian Blessed.
With barely a word of introduction between us I was soon carted off to be shown the estate. As we gazed out on to the landscape, her father put his hand on my shoulder and said:

“Son, if you play your cards right, then one day all this will be yours”

Then it struck me:

Yes, this is Dee's vast estate in Pilt Down
(Tue 29th Nov 2011, 12:10, More)

» Waste of money

Misleading advice
I spent £20,000 on a Honda Accord. The top models and massive drugs have yet to materialise.
(Wed 6th Oct 2010, 2:44, More)

» World of Random

Guilty Pleasure
My guilty pleasure is answering a QOTW three years and a bit late.
(Fri 22nd Apr 2011, 0:39, More)