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» Pubs

Extenuating circumstances
One time I walked straight into a pub's kitchen, picked up a tin of salmon, walked out of the pub and deposited it on a table in the beer garden. I have no idea why but I think alcohol was involved.
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 17:03, More)

» Pubs

Ah London
My then girlfriend and I took a weekend break to London (a change from Ireland). We were up by Chinatown / Leicester Square and decided to go for a few pints before the meal. So we go up to a fairly nice looking bar and at the door was the biggest, scariest looking bouncer you'd ever see. He could have stepped out of a TV show called Ross Kemp's Big Hard Bastards Who Will Kill You For No Reason. Just as we're about to walk in the bouncer opens his gob and says in a mincey lisp that would have shamed Julian Clary says "you do realise this is a gay bar don't you". Well we did then.
(Wed 11th Feb 2009, 10:53, More)

» Eccentrics

Satchelman
I used to run a multi-user dungeon (MUD) game at university. People would walk around a world casting spells, fighting monsters etc. Think of it as a text based World of Warcraft and you'll get the idea. A few of my friends were set up as admins so they could help out. In hindsight it was actually good training for defensive programming, supporting users, developing networked apps, minimizing downtime etc. but at the time it was an excuse to piss about in computer labs instead of actually working. It was a good laugh.

Then came Satchelman, thus described because he was lanky with a greasy hair, a weedy moustache, a long dirty raincoat and a large satchel on him at all times. And an impenetrable cloud of body odour. I think he was a year below us. I don't recall him ever talking to us once, but somehow he learned about the MUD and created a character. Fine, let him play since everyone was welcome.

So he plays for a bit and then decides he is going to be a dickhead. MUDs let you use commands like shout to talk to everyone in the game world. Normally you might do it if you want help or something. But he starts spamming shout commands for no reason, filling up the screen. Then he spams some more. Then he starts bothering specific people by using the similar whisper to direct spam.

So after a few warnings (duly ignored) we delete his character. Then he signs up a new character and does it again. Then he gets deleted. This went on for a few weeks until we decided to get a bit more proactive.

We started to append "the Sad Twat" to his character names which also had the effect of muting them. Then we would banish any new characters to a room which I still have the description for: "The Sad Room: You are in a room especially designed for sad twats like yourself. I hope you like it here, because every time you quit you will end up back here and there is no way out."

This must have pissed him off no end. So he started using his l33t hacker skillz to take screenshots of our x11 terminals for reasons unknown. Unfortunately I noticed him doing this and told the system admin who found the screenshots in his folder. Oopsy. He got a warning from the dean and almost chucked out for this.

The funny part is all of this snowballed because he couldn't play nice on a MUD. All these years later I wonder what happened to Satchelman. After we graduated did he go on to annoy someone else? Did his social skils advance from non-existent to neglible? Did he use a deodorant? Is he still being a dickhead on some other online service? I may never know but Satchelman is still a treasured memory from uni.
(Mon 3rd Nov 2008, 14:19, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

Nintendo Wii
The Wii is an overpriced, last generation console. The good games can be counted on one hand and the vast majority of the rest are shovelware. Multimedia? The bloody thing doesn't even play DVDs even though it could.

Yet every christmas people stir themselves into a veritable frenzy to buy one. And when the latest gimmick attachment such as fitness board or motion plus appears the frenzy repeats. They'll even happily let GAME, Gamestop etc. rape them with bundle deals.

What the hell is the attraction?
(Sat 17th Oct 2009, 14:34, More)

» Banks

Irish banks suck arse
I was brought up in UK originally but I live in Ireland now. So it pisses me off no end to compare the state of banks in both countries. I know UK b3tards probably have lots to say about their banks but I bet it doesn't compare to Ireland. Derisory interest rates with charges on everything. Free banking - what's that? Even the government has its go at taking the piss by slapping stamp duty on everything, even credit cards and cheques.

Most annoying is opening times. UK banks open on a Saturday even if its a limited service. In Ireland no such thing happens because that would be far too useful. Instead if you want to pay a cheque or do anything of that sort you have to take time off work. Some banks don't even bother opening until 10 on some days or close early on others so you can't even rely on popping in before work.

Another peeve is the way junior savers are treated. I fondly recall all the crap I got for opening an account in Britain. Piggy banks, pencil cases, gift vouchers etc. I still have my Griffin Savers Oxford Dictionary. What do my kids get for opening an account in Ireland? Fuck all. Not a bean. Not even a good rate of return. Instead I may as well just open a regular savers account for them.

About the only good thing in Irish banking is most cashpoints take any card from any bank without imposing a fee. I can see that changing as soon as the slimy bastards think they can get away with it.
(Fri 17th Jul 2009, 10:30, More)
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