Profile for brain_blessed:
I live in Scotland. I have an unhealthy relationship with booze. Sometimes people let me draw houses.
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Best answers to questions:
- a member for 1 year, 9 months and 23 days
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- has posted 3 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
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I live in Scotland. I have an unhealthy relationship with booze. Sometimes people let me draw houses.
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
» DIY disasters
My dad's mate
This is the first time I have had a decent answer. Woo.
My dad's mate was doing some DIY and smacked his thumb with a hammer, properly hard and he was in agony for a couple of days. He showed my dad his thumb and my dad told him that the pain was being caused by the pressure of swelling under the nail and the best thing to do was relieve the pressure. How? By heating a needle and boring through the nail. Sounds sore but the guy was in agony so thought he'd give it a shot. That night he went home, found a needle and started boring. He tried it for a while but couldn't pierce through. Then an idiot lightbulb went of in his head. He wanted it done quickly so thought 'A drill!'. Genius. So he found his trusty Black and Decker and got the thinnest drillbit he could find. In preparation for some blood that he knew was coming, he filled a basin with water and put it under his hand. One quick blast and he would be fine. Just pierce the nail. One quick pull and done. So he did it. The drill pierced the nail as he wished, but also went on to pierce completely through his thumb. At which point he screamed, let go of the drill, which snapped the drillbit because it was so thin, the drill fell into the basin of water, which shorted all the electricity in the house leaving him in the dark with drill through his thumb. Nice.
(Fri 4th Apr 2008, 13:46, More)
My dad's mate
This is the first time I have had a decent answer. Woo.
My dad's mate was doing some DIY and smacked his thumb with a hammer, properly hard and he was in agony for a couple of days. He showed my dad his thumb and my dad told him that the pain was being caused by the pressure of swelling under the nail and the best thing to do was relieve the pressure. How? By heating a needle and boring through the nail. Sounds sore but the guy was in agony so thought he'd give it a shot. That night he went home, found a needle and started boring. He tried it for a while but couldn't pierce through. Then an idiot lightbulb went of in his head. He wanted it done quickly so thought 'A drill!'. Genius. So he found his trusty Black and Decker and got the thinnest drillbit he could find. In preparation for some blood that he knew was coming, he filled a basin with water and put it under his hand. One quick blast and he would be fine. Just pierce the nail. One quick pull and done. So he did it. The drill pierced the nail as he wished, but also went on to pierce completely through his thumb. At which point he screamed, let go of the drill, which snapped the drillbit because it was so thin, the drill fell into the basin of water, which shorted all the electricity in the house leaving him in the dark with drill through his thumb. Nice.
(Fri 4th Apr 2008, 13:46, More)
» Kids
So my uncle helped look after a disabled kid...
Good start I know. Anyway, the kid was given the part of the innkeeper in his school's nativity and had one line - "I'm sorry, we have no room". For two weeks he was walking about the house opening doors and saying his line. The kid practiced day in, day out. Every door opened then the line. So finally the big day came. Mary and Joseph approached the inn door and knocked. He opened the door as rehearsed a thousand times, then a bemused look came over his face. Finally he moved to speak. He raised his arm, pointed at Mary and said "You can come in, but you can fuck off." Best nativity ever.
(Mon 21st Apr 2008, 14:45, More)
So my uncle helped look after a disabled kid...
Good start I know. Anyway, the kid was given the part of the innkeeper in his school's nativity and had one line - "I'm sorry, we have no room". For two weeks he was walking about the house opening doors and saying his line. The kid practiced day in, day out. Every door opened then the line. So finally the big day came. Mary and Joseph approached the inn door and knocked. He opened the door as rehearsed a thousand times, then a bemused look came over his face. Finally he moved to speak. He raised his arm, pointed at Mary and said "You can come in, but you can fuck off." Best nativity ever.
(Mon 21st Apr 2008, 14:45, More)
» Advice from Old People
Grandad on Football
My dad and grandad were once talking about the introduction of perimeter fencing to football grounds around the country, when my grandad came out with this gem -
"They're a detergent... they'll clean up the game".
To this day we can't work out if it was a genuine mistake or if he was a comedy genius.
(Mon 23rd Jun 2008, 11:44, More)
Grandad on Football
My dad and grandad were once talking about the introduction of perimeter fencing to football grounds around the country, when my grandad came out with this gem -
"They're a detergent... they'll clean up the game".
To this day we can't work out if it was a genuine mistake or if he was a comedy genius.
(Mon 23rd Jun 2008, 11:44, More)