b3ta.com user hiddenshallows
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» Stuff I've found

It would have been the best if I got to keep it!
on my way to work one night, at a nightclub in Glasgow, I found a coffin
when I say find, I mean i walked into it! There it was, lying down, in the middle of a lane going off the main road.

mmm, i thinks, a coffin- not normal, but what the hell. I`m not that far from the morgue, so maybe this is a drop-off point!?

I carry on walking swiftly, as it`s not well lit round there, and bump into two of glasgow`s finest constabulary soon after. After commenting on said coffin, and convincing them that, rather than being pished, I am on my way to work, they let me go on my way.

On getting to the club (slightly late) I tell the manager about this strange course of events; as his bullshit detector went into effect he decided to jump into the crap-mobile and prove me wrong and/or wasted.
Three right-hand turns later he slows the crap-mobile down as we pass the spectacle of five cops heaving the now evidently occupied coffin into a police transit van.

Sadly, the initial cop pair hadn`t asked me for too many details, so I didn`t get to keep it and its contents if it wasn`t claimed!

length// about 7` by 3`, tapering off to either end.
(Sun 9th Nov 2008, 21:17, More)

» Stuff I've found

booze
After a few shandies last night my flatmate, steevo, came with the grim news that we`re all out of booze..bummer, and end of the evenings frivolities.

I`ve just looked in the fridge to see whats there.

And found three cans of stella, 2 cans of strongbow and 2 bottles of champagne.

//think he needs to go to specsavers
(Sat 8th Nov 2008, 17:50, More)

» My sex misconceptions

teh meaning of the word `no`
ok, I accept i`ll get massive pelters for this but...

i just don`t like the "no means no" thing. As a courteous shallow person, when I hear `NO` I always stop and ask if all is ok, and boy has this put a downer on some otherwise remarkably fruity events. I may be shallow, but im also very sensitive about the good ladies` feelings!

Why can`t we have a campaign saying `"Fuck off and stop doing that you massive shit" means no?` ; it would make life easier. I mean jeez, the number of times i`ve had a slap on the head for ruining the moment* is remarkable!

//ok, could shout `red` or some such, but honestly im not such a perv i feel the need to have a colour code during sex.

* well about 4 times, but im hoping to improve on that over the rest of my lifetime :)

/length: above average, apparently, soz.
(Wed 1st Oct 2008, 0:05, More)