» Impulse buys

Virgin airlines...
I just bought an aeroplane (a Cessna 172), using a credit card with a ridiculously high credit limit. I must be out of my fucking mind!

I am qualified to fly it, but I can't afford to, thanks to the outrageous interest rate and bankrupting minimum payment. So, it just stands there... looking wretched.

I might try using it as a greenhouse and grow some tomatoes to recoup some funds.
(Thu 21st May 2009, 23:32, More)

» God

God you say? I'm starting a new Elvis based religion...

Suggested prayer:

Vegas Elvis who art in Graceland
Aaron be thy middle name
the King done come
his will be done
on earth as it is in Graceland
give us each day our BK flamer
sneer us not into tee-total
and pelvis us from evil
for thine is the king creole
the jailhouse rock
and the ghetto
forever and ever

Aaron


Suggested hirearchy:

Vegas Elvis - 1st dan triple deluxe
- 2nd dan double bacon with cheese
- 3rd dan veggie special

Jailhouse Elvis - 1st dan death row
- 2nd dan lifer
- 3rd dan just visiting

Redneck Elvis - 1st dan moonshine
- 2nd dan sunshine
- 3rd dan shoeshine

Foetal Elvis - 1st dan cell division
- 2nd dan zygote
- 3rd dan nhuuhh!


States of enlightenment:

Shaking like a man on a gooby(?) tree
Ramjamfoo
Thangyooverrymudge
you'llbesolonely

Donations welcome!
(Sun 22nd Mar 2009, 22:01, More)

» Puns

The weather in Iraq is unpredictable...
Sometimes it's Sunni and sometimes it's Shi'ite.
(Mon 9th Mar 2009, 14:23, More)

» Unemployed

I went on holiday for a week...
And when I got home, a jiffy bag had come through the post containing personal items from my desk, a pay cheque and a letter telling me that due to a "restructure" I was no longer required.

I was shocked and devastated at being forced into enduring daytime TV without so much as a hint of warning. This being a company with only 6 employees, I took this "restructure" as a very personal slight. I think it still affects my confidence even now, despite having had 19 years to come to terms with it.

Fortunately, I was only out of work for a few weeks, and didn't even bother signing on. But, despite finding a better paid and more exciting job, I still found my bitterness towards my ex-employers almost overwhelming at times.

However, some 7 years after the event, they asked if I wanted to come back (maybe they felt bad about it) and I stupidly accepted. This time though, I took the piss big time and jumped ship of my own accord after a mere 6 months. I went to work for their biggest customer, who quickly became their not a customer anymore, thanks to me. I didn't even work the required notice period when I left - that showed 'em!

I think the saying is "what goes around comes around", it's just that sometimes you have to wait a while for that nugget of feel-good-ness.
(Sat 4th Apr 2009, 17:00, More)

» Puns

Horse pub joke
A horse walks into a pub. The barman says "Why the long face?"
(Mon 9th Mar 2009, 13:08, More)