b3ta.com user Mucky
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» Siblings

Chess
My younger sister is here for the weekend, with her 9 year old son.

He's become interested in chess, and was asking me about how the various pieces move. I'm not that much of an expert on the subject, and some of his school friends were insisting that a pawn could take a piece directly in front of it in some cases.

I'm not sure about that, but I know there are some strange cases where pieces can move in a different way.

So, cue sister walking in whilst I say: "Look, I'm not sure, just search for pawn in google, and that should tell you".

Oops.
(Sun 4th Jan 2009, 13:10, More)

» Mobile phone disasters

It's a repost, apologies, but the category fits
Went to a funeral about a year ago - the old lady that lived next door had died, age 102.

We sat in church (the first time in three years) listening to the vicar talk about her life. He asked us to close our eyes for a moment whilst we remembered her.

"Small and feisty" he said, was how she'd been described to him.

During this moment of silence, Vodafone thought it a good idea to send me a text message thereby causing my mobile to play this.

I remember thinking I should have turned it off...
(Tue 4th Aug 2009, 23:36, More)

» Siblings

My eldest sister
I have one younger sister, a psychiatric nurse, and an older sister, a psychiatric case.

Over the years, my elder sister:

Left home at 15, shoplifting (she's a strong girl) and burgling houses to make a living.

Came back home at 17, with two years of probation, and was then sectioned at 3:15am one June morning - hallucinating in our parents room, she hurled a bottle of whiskey through their bedroom window, after stabbing my wisely locked bedroom door with a kitchen knife.

We couldn't save the whiskey (which was probably full of cold tea anyway, as I'd been secretly consuming and replacing the contents over the previous six months. OK, because Dad didn't drink spirits - but bad because he periodically gave them away as presents).

Went to visit her at the local sanitarium, and have an abiding memory of her zombie like state, and a man somersaulting around the room giggling - Father would never take anything seriously. Sorry, I'm being flippant, we were all taking it all very seriously indeed.

She met her future husband there and got married shortly after she turned 18, moving into his house. I would go round to visit her with Dad, but never saw her husband again after the wedding - as soon as her front door bell rang, he'd leg it off down the garden and jump over the hedge.

She had two children, and when they were 2 and 3, she left him because her husband refused to put the heating on (and kept somersaulting around the room giggling), and moved back in with our ever forgiving parents.

When the kids were 7 and 8, I went to the cinema with her. She announced to the lady behind the food counter, confidently and very loudly, that she would like "Two large cockporns for the children, and one for myself".

Six months later, more sectioning ensued. We couldn't get her to leave the garage, as she thought there were crocodiles and lions in the garden - not reasonable as it was a garage in England, nowhere near a zoo. That happened quite quickly: pop out to the freezer in the garage for a pizza, get sectioned a few hours later.

More time in hospital.

The kids moved away at 18 and 19, and elder sister got a job for the first time in her life, at a care home. She's been working for 6 years now and we're very proud of that.

She's now left home (yay for Dad!) to live with an alcoholic whose suffering from pancreatitis, has one kidney, and who is in the process of spending all of her money.

Still, at least he doesn't jump over the garden hedge when I pop round to visit, and I've yet to see him somersaulting around the room giggling.
(Tue 30th Dec 2008, 9:06, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

Hell... nah, hopefully the opposite place to the lady in question...
Went to a funeral about 6 months ago - the old lady that lived next door had died, age 102.

We sat in church (the first time in three years) listening to the vicar talk about her life. He asked us to close our eyes for a moment whilst we remembered her.

"Small and feisty" he said, was how she'd been described to him.

During this moment of silence, Vodafone thought it a good idea to send me a text message thereby causing my mobile to play this.

I remember thinking I should have turned it off...
(Sun 14th Dec 2008, 20:40, More)

» Workplace Boredom

Modelling
We have built a model of our work colleague, who is on holiday. It has a body made from an empty water bottle taken from a water cooler machine, a face taken from Lon Chaney's portrayal of a werewolf, two hands, each cut out from outlines of mine made on one A4 sheet of paper, and two feet made in a similar way. The hands are attached to the water bottle sides and the feet are attached to its bottom but protrude from the front. He proudly sits on our colleague's chair, awaiting glorious instruction from our leader.

The resemblance is uncanny, but this new colleague is much quieter than the original. Occasionally, the door is opened and his hands and face rustle in the breeze as the leader talks to him. The leader is pleased: he can complete his instructions without any disobedience. Today, the leader advised our new colleague to shave more often - which he acknowledged using his trademark rustle and waving of hands.

He does not answer the phone, although he has many phone calls. The ladies of the office appear to like him, perhaps because of his quiet ways and impeccable manners, and because he listens, only waving his hands and rustling with gentle laughter at the appropriate time.
(Thu 8th Jan 2009, 18:43, More)
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