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» School Naughtiness
Cruel
You think kids are cruel? Bullshit. Nobody takes the piss out of kids as ruthlessly and effectively as teachers. It's all behind closed doors of course (like Groundskeeper Willy going "Ah'm Milhoose!"), but for every stupid nickname given to a teacher, they respond with one for the kids. They know the ones that smell of wee, the ones wearing pyjamas to school, the semi-autistic special cases, the spunkers who smell of fag smoke and handjobs, the fatsos and sissies, the pseudo-hardmen and needy geeks - but they've got twenty or more years and much more education, and are usually far more witty with it.
The cruellest thing I ever was privy to was when I was on a placement during my teacher training year (I left the profession some years ago). I was manfully trying to impose my will and lesson plan on an apathetic group of 14 year-olds who were wondering who the fuck I was, when there was a knock on the door. I went to answer it, and there was a young girl with livid ginger hair that looked unbrushed since birth, in a badly home-knitted jumper, with buck teeth and the coarse red cheeks which curse some gingers.
She said, "Mr Andrews asked me to give you this." She passed a note. I opened it. It said, "THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE UGLIEST KID IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL."
(Thu 8th Sep 2011, 14:12, More)
Cruel
You think kids are cruel? Bullshit. Nobody takes the piss out of kids as ruthlessly and effectively as teachers. It's all behind closed doors of course (like Groundskeeper Willy going "Ah'm Milhoose!"), but for every stupid nickname given to a teacher, they respond with one for the kids. They know the ones that smell of wee, the ones wearing pyjamas to school, the semi-autistic special cases, the spunkers who smell of fag smoke and handjobs, the fatsos and sissies, the pseudo-hardmen and needy geeks - but they've got twenty or more years and much more education, and are usually far more witty with it.
The cruellest thing I ever was privy to was when I was on a placement during my teacher training year (I left the profession some years ago). I was manfully trying to impose my will and lesson plan on an apathetic group of 14 year-olds who were wondering who the fuck I was, when there was a knock on the door. I went to answer it, and there was a young girl with livid ginger hair that looked unbrushed since birth, in a badly home-knitted jumper, with buck teeth and the coarse red cheeks which curse some gingers.
She said, "Mr Andrews asked me to give you this." She passed a note. I opened it. It said, "THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE UGLIEST KID IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL."
(Thu 8th Sep 2011, 14:12, More)
» Fairgrounds, theme parks, circuses and carnivals
My sister and nephew
Came to visit me when I was a student in the fair city of Stirling. I took them to the obligatory visit to Stirling Castle, and we walked from the town centre to the top of the hill upon which the castle looms. My nephew was only five at the time, and found this rather a trek. My sister and I kept encouraging him saying "We'll soon be there!" and "You'll see the castle soon!" and "It's an amazing castle, you'll love it!"
When we got to the top of the hill, you see the great courtyard and behind that the restored splendour of the castle itself, with its eleborate facade with gargoyles and sinister looking mythical creatures. My nephew burst into tears.
"Oh, oh, what's wrong?" I asked, all concerned.
Sobs, tears. "I THOUGHT IT WAS A BOUNCY CASTLE!"
(Fri 10th Jun 2011, 3:13, More)
My sister and nephew
Came to visit me when I was a student in the fair city of Stirling. I took them to the obligatory visit to Stirling Castle, and we walked from the town centre to the top of the hill upon which the castle looms. My nephew was only five at the time, and found this rather a trek. My sister and I kept encouraging him saying "We'll soon be there!" and "You'll see the castle soon!" and "It's an amazing castle, you'll love it!"
When we got to the top of the hill, you see the great courtyard and behind that the restored splendour of the castle itself, with its eleborate facade with gargoyles and sinister looking mythical creatures. My nephew burst into tears.
"Oh, oh, what's wrong?" I asked, all concerned.
Sobs, tears. "I THOUGHT IT WAS A BOUNCY CASTLE!"
(Fri 10th Jun 2011, 3:13, More)
» Babysitters
Not really babysitting
I looked after my nephew after his dad had a serious accident. He settled in well, and I hoped I'd be able to leave the family business to him, as my wife and I had never managed to have kids. I thought of him as a son, really. Then I bought two droids and it all went tits up.
(Sun 31st Oct 2010, 2:46, More)
Not really babysitting
I looked after my nephew after his dad had a serious accident. He settled in well, and I hoped I'd be able to leave the family business to him, as my wife and I had never managed to have kids. I thought of him as a son, really. Then I bought two droids and it all went tits up.
(Sun 31st Oct 2010, 2:46, More)
» Annoying words and phrases
WOULD OF
You fucking retard! It's WOULD HAVE! WOULD HAVE! WOOOOOOOOUUUUUULLLLLDDDDDD HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVEE!!! Understand? You goddamn troglodyte knuckle-scraping mouth-breather!
(Fri 9th Apr 2010, 0:43, More)
WOULD OF
You fucking retard! It's WOULD HAVE! WOULD HAVE! WOOOOOOOOUUUUUULLLLLDDDDDD HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVEE!!! Understand? You goddamn troglodyte knuckle-scraping mouth-breather!
(Fri 9th Apr 2010, 0:43, More)