» Siblings

Socks
My youngest brother has a definite sense of what he wants to do. One day I observed that he was wearing only one sock.

"Why you wearing one sock?" I asked.

"Because that foot's cold."
(Mon 5th Jan 2009, 11:42, More)

» Housemates

Homelife
I still live at home, with one brother, who's a right bastard. Because he works and has to get up early he thinks it's alright to wake me up, and even thumps me awake. He comes in totally bladdered at the weekend and makes me get him undressed and into bed, like I don't have anything else better to do.

Then he's always at me to put his bets on at the bookies. He's fucking hopeless at the horses, usually wins nothing (some "bloke" is always giving him "a good tip", 15-1, you know all that shite). So I started to not even put the bet on and keep the money - he was none the wiser, and I needed the money for my hobby (I'm a bit of an ornithologist).

But one time I spent his bet and the bloody horse came in! He spent the whole day looking for me, then when I came home he'd killed my kestrel.

Bastard.
(Wed 4th Mar 2009, 5:26, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

Odd visitations
One night I pulled this Welsh bird called Judith. I'd recently started hanging out with a new bunch of people, and while one guy was always trying to act the alpha male, as soon as I got to know all of them, Judith and I totally had eyes for each other.

Problem was, I still lived at home with my mum, but we were quiet and fairly discreet after copping off for the first time. But when I pulled open my curtains the next morning, there was a massive crowd of people waiting for me outsides, gazing up at me standing there naked as the day as I was born, and cheering. Then they claimed I was the messiah! I don't think my cock was that impressive.
(Sat 30th May 2009, 11:17, More)

» Rubbish Towns

My hometown
When I was growing up and still in school, I thought my hometown was a rancid shitpit of nothing deadheads. "There's nothing to do!" was the constant cry. There were only 8000 people, the shops ranged from McKays all the way to a John Menzies. Most of them were family-run businesses, like the butchers, the sweet & video shop, the bakers. There were numerous churches, pubs and a bingo, which seemed to saisfy all the adult entertainment. It was right on the coast, but immediately led straight into barley-growing and cattle-raising countryside. Nothing to do!!

After I grew the fuck up, I realised that I had been an arrogant little twat and that it was a great place to being up a family - where you could leave your doors open, where you got to know your neighbours, where you could have a personal relationship with the various professionals in town, such as the banks (yes! it's true - if they knew you they would be far more accomodating. I've moved halfway round the world and have still got my account based in my home town), the schoolteachers, garage mechanics and pub landlords. The football boys club was manned entirely by volunteers, as were the army cadets, the Guides and Brownies, the Scouts and the Boys Brigade, all of which were well-attended.

I don't want to overstate how great it was (it was a bitchy, nosy place), but it's easy to overlook the virtues of a smaller less flashy places. Shops and all that may be nice, but is that all you want from where you live?
(Mon 2nd Nov 2009, 1:35, More)

» Unemployed

Unemployment
I was a bright kid at school, did well and went to university. Not such a major acheivement, but as the first of my family to go to uni, winner of the pupil of the year etc I developed a raging ego about it. I thought anyone who didn't want to go into higher education and try to "better" themself was just an idiot, and that in due course I'd glide out of the univerity and smoothly into a good job. After all, that's what happens in all the books and films, right?

Wrong. I applied for numerous, nay, a vast plethora of jobs during my final year of uni and got precisely nowhere, except for unsuccessful interviews where my lack of accomplishment in areas outside my chosen subject seemed painfully obvious. (I hadn't bothered with any extra-curricular activities, leaving them for the wanker ambitious types.)

However I got a basic admin job - temporary, but enough to get me going. Or so I thought. When pounding the pavement job-hunting, it became obvious that the criteria I'd expected to go on forever applauding me no longer applied. No-one gave a fuck if I was intelligent and knew all about this, that and the other. Did I know Excel? (No). Could I type fast? (No). Could I use Powerpoint. (Thrice no). Had I ever shown initiative and organised something? (Apart from planning big hash-smoking sessions, no).

So after the temp job finished, I was on the dole. I had to move back to my parents house and sign on amongst people I'd looked down my nose at completely a few years earlier. It was something of a let-down and I just about fell to pieces in a black cloud of depression, self-pity and self-loathing.

But after coming through six months of unemployment, it made me a far less arrogant tosser of a person. When I see someone down on their luck, it makes me think "That could easily be me" and I feel fortunate and humble and grateful.

Good luck to everyone looking for work.
(Mon 6th Apr 2009, 12:28, More)