» Buses

A tale of racism on the bus! Oh the humanity!
It was a warm day in March when I rode the bus home from school and saw the 2 young gentlemen (i.e. wannabe street toughs dressed like white rappers) see an acquaintance crossing the street. "Why, that young man is our companion! Let us beg the driver to halt the progression of the bus momentarily to let him on!" thought the boys.
However, the driver seemed somewhat reluctant to stop the bus directly in the middle of a busy intersection. The reasons for this are unknown, but this pissed the boys off mightily. "Excuse me, my good sir!" One boy exclaimed to the driver. "I believe the reason you did not stop was not for fear of causing a traffic accident, but because our friend was hispanic and you are a racist! I will now swear and threaten you loudly!" (I'm paraphrasing) "I as well will act as offensive as possible!" proclaimed the other youngster.
Thus the two young boys bleated profanities and obscene language until the driver politely asked them to get the hell off his bus. "Alas," cried the first boy. "We are not yet finished avenging our friend who was unknowingly the victim of a hate crime!" The bus driver offered two choices- that the boys leave the bus or the local constabulary would be called. "I accept the first choice," said the first boy, "but I will express my displeasure at the entire situation by making an obscene gesture with this finger for your viewing pleasure."
The second boy decided to do the same, with his own addition of kicking the side of the bus as it pulled away, ironically leaving a dent on the side of an ad promoting Mental Health Week at the marketplace.
So in the end, these two boys were never heard from again by this author. It is assumed they are travelling the world fighting racism and injustice for innocent non-bus riding people everywhere.
(Thu 25th Jun 2009, 17:18, More)

» God

Another God joke! Hooray!
Hi, I don't really have any stories about God, but I have the gift of bad humour. I wish I'd been a member during the puns QOTW. In fact, that was why I registered. Anyway...

A man was hired to paint a house. After the first two sides were finished, he realized he was running out of paint. So he got the paint thinner and added some to water it down. However, the third side looked grey and terrible and there wasn't enough paint left for the fourth wall. So he added even more thinner and kept on going. Finally he was done, but the house looked awful, one side was grey and the other side was blotchy and even greyer. Being a religious man, he raised his arms to the heavens and cried out "Oh God, what shall I do?"
Lightning flashed and a tremendous voice boomed "REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE!"
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 20:22, More)

» Nightclubs

Nightclubs-
When a nightstick just doesn't have that heft.
(Wed 15th Apr 2009, 5:48, More)

» God

Yes, yet another bad joke you've probably already heard before.
Okay, this joke is about Jesus, but whatever, same thing according to some people.

Jesus was hanging around in heaven and he got bored. He went over to St. Peter and said "Hey, I'm really bored. Mind if I take over at the gates for you?" Peter said "Well, I guess I haven't taken a coffee break in 1500 years, why not. Just greet the people at the gate and ask them about their lives, and if it was good, let them in."
So Jesus stood at the gates and an old man came up to it. Jesus said "Hello old man, Tell me about your life." The old man said "Well, I worked with wood for most of my life." Jesus thought of his own father, the carpenter, and said "Go on."
"I had a son who died and came back to life."
Jesus got excited and said "Tell me more about your son!"
The old man goes "He had holes in his hands and feet."
Jesus, overcome with emotion, cries out "FATHER?"
The old man starts weeping and asks "PINOCCHIO?"
(Mon 23rd Mar 2009, 20:23, More)

» Helicopter Parents

Never mind, just put it back!
When I was about 12, my younger brother, about 9, found one of my sanitary pads. He opened it up and then went to my father. This was basically the conversation that followed.
Bro: Hey Dad, what is this?
Dad: Never mind, just put it back.
Bro: But what is it?
Dad: It doesn't matter. Put it back!
Bro: I just wanted to know what it was.
Dad: You don't need to know what it is. Just put it back and never open those up again.

It went on like that for several minutes. I was there, but I was too embarrassed to tell him myself. My brother is 22 now, and I'm still not too sure if he knows what menstruation is or not.
(Sun 13th Sep 2009, 21:45, More)